Q: Dear Love Jays,
Hi, thank you guys for your great advice. I’m here once again for more advice. I was engaged and in love, but he happened to be a very jealous and controlling boyfriend. I thought that things would have gotten better after I told him how I felt and how I wanted us to have a healthy relationship. Things got extremely bad. 🙁 . A few weeks later, I found out he had profiles on more than 5 hook up (sexual) sites. I couldn’t believe it. It broke my heart. I called the wedding off and we’re no longer together. He still says he loves me and wants to be with me but he’s already posted ads to hook up with girls and have one night stands. Its like, did I ever mean anything to him? The worst part of all is that I still care for him and I miss him. I’m scared that years from now I’ll regret leaving him. Am I wrong to feel and think this way?
A: Dear My ex-fiancé was controlling, jealous and posted ads to have one night stands with other women, yet I miss him and may regret leaving him,
I’m going to keep this real brief – respect yourself.
You were in love. You were engaged to be married. You committed 5 years of your life. It’s hard and it’s not fair, but you owe yourself the opportunity to be loved, respected, and admired by someone who truly understands the meanings of those words. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed that you still care and love him – be encouraged at your power to love even when someone hasn’t given you any reason to love them. Imagine the love you will demonstrate towards the person who loves you just the same?
You must stand firm on your two feet and boldly proclaim and understand your worth! Fall back in love with you. Learn from your mistakes. Grow wiser. Smile. Change is patiently awaiting.
Fear is crippling and will prevent even the strongest people from moving forward, but those who conquer fear usually never regret it.
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Am I Going to Regret This?,
I am willing to bet years from now, if you had not left him, you would regret staying. Give yourself some credit and trust your first instinct. Your gut told you that you were better than how he was treating you and you deserve better. Guess what? Your gut was right!
Men like that know how to manipulate you; of course he is still telling you he loves you. He even may think that he does. But ask yourself this, is the way he loves you/is capable of loving you well enough for you? The answer is no. Every woman worth her grit deserves more than that.
It is normal for you to still have feelings for him, after all you were engaged. Try not to confuse your feelings of loss with regret. Sometimes those feelings do go hand in hand, but in this case you dodged a bullet. You could have ended up spending the rest of your life dealing with issues like this, but instead you broke it off and the possibilities of finding a genuine and healthy love are endless.
So, will you regret choosing happiness? Doubtful. Hang in there and stay strong! 🙂
Love,
Miss J
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© LoveJays 2012
I am not here to point whether it is a man’s way or a woman’s way when something inside you is empty and you find someone to support a small portion of it you will then seek out a reason to find what you feel is missing. You can’t be honest with yourself and you sure won’t be honest with your partner. His need to say he wants you back is because he lost a small part of something that was fulfilled in him as it was you.. It is a very small piece of what he was able to give that you must realize there is more than what you can experience inside yourself.. To heal from this will not take anytime it will take as long as you still see value in the relationship. If you miss him… what do you miss? you can’t miss something that you can give to yourself and what you give to yourself you will be able to give to another. His loss is his confidence he will now struggle and possibly find someone else to fill that void. You don’t have to do the same thing.. Know that you have a depth of love to give and allow this to expand in you it will send out to the right person who will come along and expand this with you! I am sorry for your pain my friend.. but it is only a pain that has turned into a thought process you no longer need to keep trapped in inside your mind.. You are beautiful, magnificent and indeed going to be loved beyond what this was.. so be ready! 😉