Q: Dear Love Jays,
If you are with a guy and you ask him to see his phone should that be a problem?
A: Dear Phone Spy,
Oh how much we love/hate our phones. It’s virtually impossible (more like inconvenient) not having our phones around us the majority of the time. Whether it’s a text message, Twitter or Facebook alert, Instagram likes, emails, missed calls – you name it, our phones are always buzzing. While it’s great to be connected and all, phones have definitely been the source of many, many relationship issues and breakups. The avenues for talking to people are practically endless and getting caught up is relatively easy.
Growing up, my father always told me, “Don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to because I’m subject to tell you the truth!” I’m sure every woman, including Miss J, would disagree with this statement. But if you really analyze his point, it’s valid. This statement is not carte blanche for people to just act up and disrespect the person they are dating, good try though. It simply means, if you are looking for trouble, you may find trouble. And if you do find something you don’t like, well…that’s on you.
At any given point, a woman will likely find something in her man’s phone that she does not like, approve of, or agree with. Let’s just face the facts. Men are men, women are women. Is it right or respectful of him to engage in conversation with another woman, it’s up to you to decide based on your own merits. If you are dating a jealous or insecure person, it would probably be wise to act accordingly. Miss J doesn’t have a jealous bone in her body, but I’m not going around talking, texting or tweeting every woman in my phone. It’s respect. Every relationship has their own definition of respect, so if that conversation hasn’t happened, time to get on the good foot!
Is it a problem asking your guy to hand over his phone? No. But rest assured, if you find out some information that doesn’t sit well with you, I’ll just say, I told you so.
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Just a Peek,
People tend to guard their cell phones like it is a diary. In a sense, cell phones are an additional fingerprint. They are tailored to the needs of a specific individual. They also hold information the owner uses on a somewhat regular basis. Some things are personal, others not so personal.
Going through someone’s phone, like it or not, is an invasion of personal space. I have looked at Mr. J’s phone in the past, not because I was looking for anything, I was just plain curious.
*Cue all the men in the world saying, “Yeah, right!”*
It’s true! To be honest, I saw some things I did not like. Had I been looking for dirt in the first place, what I found would have just added fuel to the fire. But because I went in just for the sake of being nosey, I ended up pissed I looked in the first place. It’s not like I can yell at him for what I found. I could have, but we would both be in the wrong. No one will ever win that battle. It’s like reading someone’s diary and going off on them about what they wrote.
You will ALWAYS find something to be mad about when looking through a man’s phone…ALWAYS. In an ideal world, your man would only be texting his family members and a few girlfriend approved friends talking about how much he loves you and how special you are to him. In reality, what you will really find is a bunch of texts about sports, life topics that have nothing to do with you, and some girl’s boobs he saw while standing in line at the grocery store.
It is up to the individual whether or not they want to let you look in their phone. Now if you are asking to use his phone to make a phone call and he is all up in arms, then I would say he most likely has something to hide. But if you ask to see his phone just to see if he is up to anything, then I would say you don’t trust him and certainly know why. When a woman knows, she knows. Leave the phone out of it.
If you want to just be nosey, by all means, go for it. If you find something you don’t like, have fun keeping it to yourself!
Good Luck!
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012
If he can’t give you his phone he can’t give you his heart this goes both directions! Being guarded with your personal material items seems to make no sense if you both can share more intimate nature together (your bodies, your personal space in a kiss, your true nature of shared that started when the intimacy was started)! If you will hide something it will not be a connection you should pursue any deeper, or actually can experience deeper as this keeps you in ego! Love is all things to include trust and honesty. There should be nothing in his phone that he should’t be able to share… if you share yourself with him in all the ways you can share! It is another two way street that is not one way! 🙂 Sometimes it is vibrational energy you feel from him that encourages a peek! It is the true message of hiding ones doings that you experience feelings such as these questions. I leave my phone with her and allow her access to everything I am, doesn’t matter passwords, keys, files, photo albums, whatever it is,There is no lock to any door for that shows her how deep my love is shared between her and I. In that regard she does the same for me. Isn’t that what a relationship should be? I trust in her love for me as she does for me! I want her to know all of me. If I don’t, it will come in my creating a separate identity hiding to be conditional to make love never flourish but to control it and allow it to keep us more and more apart hence a creation of a love/hate relationship. If he loves you he will show you in that trust all in itself. I can tell you being that way makes for interesting ways to come up with surprises for her. It truly has to happen in the moment! Wonderful post my friend!
Very valid perspective! Thank you for contributing.