Q: Hi, LoveJays!
I’m curious about this whole texting and dating situation. I’ve never been much of a texter — and to be honest, I hate texting. It’s bothersome and you never know what to say and when the other person doesn’t text back, it leaves you wondering, “What?” I’ve just recently started “talking” to someone and it all started one night because we texted for four hours straight. He initiated talk throughout the week but this weekend, conversation has been sporadic. I won’t hear from him for four hours but when I do, he still seems interested. Sometimes when I ask a question, it’ll take him a whole day to get back to me. I know he’s a busy person but I can’t help but wonder. My friends say that most guys are just shitty communicators when it comes to texting. Is that the case or is he just not interested anymore? Is texting just a shitty way to communicate too? Or has it just gotten to a point where he knows he has me and therefore doesn’t feel the need to court me via text message?
A: Dear Pick Up The Phone,
First, let me say I do consider texting an acceptable form of communication. It’s a great way to send and receive information quickly when you do not feel like/cannot pick up the phone. However, when “talking” to and individual it would be nice if you guys actually verbally talked. Texting leaves too much to be interpreted, especially when you are trying to communicate how much you do or do not like a potential mate.
As far as your question goes, I think it is safe to say he was excited when he first started talking to you and now he is less excited. Does this mean he does not like you? Not necessarily. Let me put it this way, he’s definitely not head over heels. No one who wants to communicate is bad at communicating. It’s not difficult to respond to a text message. Sadly, your friends have been misinformed and are passing along their misinformation to you. If he was really that terrible at texting
(is that even a real thing?) he would not have been so responsive in the first place.
Confession: I say I am bad at responding to text all the time. What I really should say is “I read your message and opt not to respond right away because I am doing something else I am more interested in doing at the time.”
Sad, but true and also not an acceptable excuse when trying to seriously get to know a person.
Also, there is no such thing as “courting via text message”. It is literally the most impersonal mode of communication.
I say this in love…DO NOT BE AFRAID TO RAISE YOUR STANDARDS!
You get what you demand. Now would be a great time to demand that whoever is interested in you has to be interested enough to call you.
Dear Text Messaging Confusion,
Let’s start this with a simple PSA to all the men: STOP USING TEXT MESSAGING AS YOUR PRIMARY METHOD OF COMMUNICATION!
SMS: it’s an acronym. (S)hort (M)essaging (S)service. Keyword: SHORT.
Text messaging was developed with the intention of exchanging quick, short-handed conversations without having to call someone. It wasn’t developed to prevent people from ever using their cell phones to ACTUALLY dial a phone number and have a verbal conversation with another human being! Imagine that — using our phones to call people? What a strange concept. You mean to tell me cell phones aren’t just made for downloading 2000 apps or stalking friends on social media or taking pictures of every pointless thing in life?
I’m not bashing text messaging; I use the service everyday. However, I am calling out all those who write college length essays over a text message. Really? Were all those characters necessary? In the time it took you to type everything, you could’ve done the following:
1. Dialed my number
2. Listened to the phone ring at least 3 times before I picked up.
3. Asked your question using half of the words you were going to type.
4. Received the answer to your question.
5. Had a 3-5 minute conversation discussing at least five other things.
You see what we did there? By picking up the phone, we were actually able to discuss multiple topics (in a short amount of time) AND we didn’t have to decode your poor use of the English language or emoticons. Fascinating.
Want to hear more about my opinions on text messaging when dating? Good, I’m glad you agreed.
Where were we? That’s right, something about texting a guy for four hours.
I’m all for getting to know someone, but if you can’t pick up the phone and carry-on a halfway intelligent conversation, you clearly aren’t as interested as you give off. What makes you think a man who isn’t willing to SPEAK with you is willing to be SEEN with you? Any man who is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman on a more personal level will have no problem picking up the phone, regardless how “busy” he may be or how “poor” he communicates. And as a woman, you should demand his attention and respect. Winning the gold medal shouldn’t be easy, right?
P.S. Courting via text messaging doesn’t exist. The end. 🙂
© LoveJays 2013