Q: Dear Love Jays,
“I am hopelessly in love, yet am hopelessly a hoe. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I have been blessed with the ability to talk to MULTIPLE women, make them completely comfortable, and satisfy their mental, emotional, and physical needs, all the while, not becoming too attached to any one of them in particular. I mean, sure I have had GF’s here and there, but I was still keeping up with my same old tricks. Everything was going great until I met THE GIRL. From the moment that I met her, the connection was unbelievable. I worked hard to keep her at arms length for two years, but after a while I could no longer fight it off.She won and I fell head over heels for her. The problem is that while my heart says that she is the person I want to be with, every other fiber in my being says that I should not only run away as fast as I can, but bed every woman I pass on the way out. What should I do, Jays? Do you think there is any hope for a guy like me?
A: Dear You Aren’t Hopeless,
That “fiber” you speak of sounds a lot like fear.
Fear makes you use every excuse in the book to not do the one thing you want, and not only that, the thing that you deserve in order to receive the things you are destined to have.
You are coping by finding comfort in the bed of other women; you are not emotionless. In fact, you are very emotional; you are just channeling it in the wrong way. Your perception of yourself is off. You think you are good enough for a good time, but not good enough to have something real.
If you are fortunate enough to have found something genuine, great and have fallen in love, who are you to waste that?
So the real question is what are you afraid of? You said you fought off loving her for two years, but it sounds like you have already wasted a great deal of time fighting the wrong battle. Don’t waste anymore.
Love,
Miss J
A: Dear My Heart and Mind won’t agree,
You already know the answer to this question – let’s examine paragraph two.
“From the moment that I met her, the connection was unbelievable.”
“…I fell head over heels for her.”
“…my heart says that she is the person I want to be with…”
Falling in love with that special someone is something to be cherished, not run away from. Finding companionship is life goal for almost everyone, and unfortunately, some people never get the opportunity to find love or worse, experience love. You have been blessed to meet a woman who allowed you to experience love, yet you want to run in the other direction? Let me guess, you want to have a relationship, but only when you’re ready and it’s convenient. News flash: Life doesn’t work on convenience!
You have found someone special – don’t let your “fibers” overtake your heart. As men, we do an excellent job of convincing our minds how to think, but the one thing we can’t control is who our heart longs for. Follow your heart! Spend some time reflecting internally and identify the reasons you act the way you do. Are you truly happy with the person you have become? The moment you are honest with yourself, change will be triggered. Some say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but why keep fishing if you caught the best one?
Sincerely,
Mr. J
© LoveJays 2012