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#LEMON(SH)ADE

Lemonade

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Justin and Joy react to Beyoncé’s newest album, LEMONADE. Spoiler Alert: We address ALL the shade!

Elevator Pitch

  • Beyoncé dropped a BOMB all over the internet and sparked a revolution.
  • Joy’s appreciation of Beyoncé revealing the truth about cheating.
  • Society conditioning women to expect infidelity.
  • Rachel Roy thickening the plot right before our eyes.
  • Woman code vs. man code.
  • Respecting boundaries.
  • Rest in Power, Prince.
  • And much more!

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Confusing Kiss

Dear Love Jays:

I have known this guy a couple of years now. We kissed a couple of months ago, and now he acts like it never happened or he does not want to talk about it. I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, but I still think about our kiss and I’m kind of jealous when he talks about other girls. I want to tell him how I feel but I’m scared. What should I do?

Dear A Kiss I Can’t Forget:

I can go in multiple directions regarding this question. Did the kiss happen while you were both in a relationship or single? How did the kiss happen? Was it just a peck or an intense make-out session? Did it happen only once?
So.Many.Questions. Thanks for leaving me in the dark.
Side-eye.
Despite the possible outcomes regarding the above questions, it’s probably best to just keep your feelings to yourself. He likely doesn’t want to talk about it because (a) he cheated on his girlfriend by kissing you and doesn’t want to get caught up, (b) he really enjoyed the kiss, but is committed to his girlfriend, so he’s pretending it never happened to avoid facing the reality of liking another girl, or (c) he hasn’t thought much about it and didn’t think the kiss was a big deal.
Exploring these feelings while both of you are in a relationship will likely lead to an unfavorable outcome. Keep the friendship casual and observe how things go on both ends over the next few months. If you start getting hints that he has feelings for you, act accordingly. But don’t jump the gun and leave yourself unnecessarily exposed.
Mr. J

Dear Unforgettable Kiss:

First, you need to think long and hard about what it is you are trying to accomplish by spilling your heart to a man that, so far, has had no interest in pouring his heart out to you. Also, their are two other parties involved and they deserve fair treatment. Your current boyfriend should be more than a plan B for you, so regardless of how the man you kissed feels about you, you should probably let fall back guy move on.
Next, you should consider that you could be your friend’s plan B. Is that good enough for you? Probably not. He has a girlfriend, he hasn’t acknowledged your kiss, and he talks about other women in your presence? That sounds like someone that is full of bologna and you do not need that in your life, not now, not ever.
If this man is interested in a relationship with you, he will absolutely let you know.
Miss J
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The Secret Sauce

secret sauce

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Justin and Joy explore how they have maintained their relationship for the past 8 years. Can you guess the special ingredients in their secret sauce?

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  • Learn the six special ingredients Justin and Joy prioritize in their relationship.
  • Why Justin hates getting plucked in the head.
  • Joy’s reasoning on letting dishes stack up in the sink.
  • Justin’s systematic approach to everything.
  • Warning: We say patience a lot.
  • And much more!

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The Truth About What Makes You Happy

Whenever I ask the question, “What should I do with my life?” people tend to respond with, “Do what makes you happy.” This is such a loaded response because:

  1. I am a bit fickle so what makes me happy today, may not make me happy tomorrow. #Human

  2. What if I find that thing and it’s not lucrative? #IHaveToEat

  3. What if I find something that makes me happy, but I still have to deal with things that make me unhappy, thus cancelling out my happiness? #FirstWorldProblems

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to life, I have doubts. Serious doubts. I need to know the answer to this question. How, how, how? If you are also searching for answers, let me save you some stress and a crap-ton of time. You are never going to find a solution to this question. It’s not something you can ever check off of your to-do list. It is a permanent and grueling task.

At this point, you may be wondering why I felt the need to write an article about a lifelong issue that cannot be resolved. Well, to contradict myself, of course.

Yay!

I have discovered the only thing that ever truly makes me happy, consistently, is when I help others in need. Specifically, when I give someone a word of advice or encouragement and it helps them solve, or at least, feel better about a challenge they may be facing in their life at the time.

So if you’re like me (and I know you are because #Human, remember?) you can’t find the answer to life’s most difficult question because you are asking the wrong question. You should be asking, “How do I like to help others?” I suspect you may already know, and if you do, do more of whatever that thing is. Say goodbye to temporary fulfillment and say hello to full-time happiness. No one can ever take away that moment you helped someone in need. It is seared into the memory of the universe. FOREVER. And yes, I am well aware this sounds cliche, but you guys, it’s totally the answer you have been looking for. I promise!

On that note, I am so happy to be back. I’ve missed you all and I am ready to help.

Now go out and help someone!

xoxo,

JOY

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Where Do I Begin

Man, oh man! It’s been quite some time since I opened up my laptop to write a blog post. If I’m not mistaken, this will be my first post since October 2013.

Can we talk about 2013 for a minute?

2013 was arguably the hardest year I’ve experienced in adulthood.

  • Unemployment: 6 months
  • Living out of a duffle bag: 9 months
  • Lost 20 pounds because I couldn’t afford to feed myself
  • Got a job only to be laid off 3-months later

But on the flip side, 2013 was a great year.

  • Growing blog and online radio show
  • YouTube vlogging spot on a celebrity network channel
  • Got the keys to our 1st place together
  • Employed by a company I’m still with today

Even in the midst of a storm, we still have the power to focus our attention on the positive and use our struggles as motivation to propel us where we need to be in life. Yes, 2013 was a rough patch, but it was also the foundation for where I’m at today.

So what’s happened since our last post?

Joy and I got married in August 2015, exactly eight years to the day when I first spoke to her freshmen year of college. We are the proud owners of two crazy dogs, Ollie and Hazel. My hairline has receded even further. And we are still driving each other bat shit crazy.

Guess you can say things haven’t changed too much.

We are excited to venture on this fun journey together! Tell your friends, colleagues, parents, grandparents, roommates, girlfriend, boyfriend, bae, and anyone else I’m missing…THE LOVE JAYS ARE BACK!

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Fool Me Once

Dear Love Jays,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. Unfortunately, I have experienced some heartbreak in the relationship as a result of some mistakes that he’s made. I’m with him, I forgave him. However, I’m having a little bit of a hard time with something else. Even though I forgave him I’m struggling with moving on from it. I’m in that place where my thought process is along the lines of “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”. I don’t want there to be a twice. I trust him, but I would also feel ridiculously stupid if it happened again. I guess my heart is on the fence with wanting to give over my trust (because I can) and then feeling like an idiot for giving it over the first time. Any advice for how to overcome that fear?

Dear Trust Dilemma,

Jumping right in.

What does your gut say? Does your gut say to give this man another chance. What has changed? Did he really learn from his mistake or is he an unchanged man? Sometimes people say they are sorry and beg for you to forgive them because they can’t stand the thought of a person they love being mad at them. They have no plans of fixing the real issue, just the issue that is affecting them in that very moment. In truth, you really should always forgive because people make mistakes but the rest has to be earned.

Let’s use cheating for example. Cheating takes time, there is no “I accidentally had sex with this person.” The real answer should be “I had sex with this person because I was not feeling attractive, and I liked that this person made me feel desired.” Of course no one wants to tell their partner that, but you get the picture. Well if the person who cheated is using the first excuse, the real problem will never be addressed and it will continue to be a problem. Trust has to start with the person who made the mistake. They have to trust their partner enough to tell them the truth and identify the reason why the mistake really occurred. All cards need to be out on the table and nothing should be hidden. Trust cannot be built on a foundation of lies and secrets.  It is then up to the unoffending significant other to decide whether or not to trust the person and even then, it’s going to take a while to rebuild that trust into something they can both be proud of.

The ball is in your court. Are all of the cards on the table? Can you really get over his mistakes? Do you trust that it won’t happen again? If the answer is “Yes, I trust him.” then you should have some evidence to support that decision. He’s more engaged, he’s made a real effort, he has been completely honest, he has been patient with my recovery, he is working on himself. Him bringing you flowers or saying sorry, but not really backing it up are merely a formality and a result of guilt. Just remember YOUR .TRUST. HAS. TO.BE. EARNED. If he has really earned it, trust yourself enough to let go of the fear and make the decision you feel is right.

Good Luck.

Love,

Miss J

Dear Don’t Fool Me Twice,

Every relationship experiences up and downs. There will be good days, some really good days, great days, average days, and of course — bad days. Despite how “together” a couple may appear on the surface, what truly defines the success of a relationship is how both parties respond when their backs are against the ropes.

You admitted your significant other has made mistakes in the past. These mistakes are now responsible for a shift in your relationship. Completely understandable. However, a relationship cannot go the distance when one of the parties has one foot in, one foot out. When his mistakes came to light, you had a choice: leave or work through the struggle. It may be difficult to pick the best option when our heart and emotions take over, but regardless if love or logic kept you from leaving, you committed to your relationship for some reason. What was that reason? Is the reason valid? Is the battle of forgiveness worth the reason?

You are struggling with moving past his mistakes because you haven’t come in agreement with yourself. Your heart may be saying one thing, but your friends and family may say another. Fortunately, the only person who knows the answer is you. Spend some time identifying the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. Decide if this relationship has the blueprint for a successful future. Diagnose the acceptable and unacceptable. Recognize your value. And most importantly: has he given you reason(s) to trust him again? The answer will become very clear when you take the appropriate steps towards solving the problem.

Love,

Mr. J