Q: Dear Love Jays,
All of my friends are in a relationship and they are constantly trying to set me up. I love my friends, but I am getting tired of always having to find a date when we all hang out. Should I get new friends or is this something that will eventually subside?
A: Dear My Friends Need to Relax,
Whoa! Let’s just take a moment and take a few deep breaths…Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Feel better?
It’s difficult being the lone ranger when all of your friends are in a relationship. Each of you are experiencing two completely different realities and that’s perfectly okay! The single life gives you the freedom to grow and mature as an individual, go on adventures and try new things, date different people, make bad decisions and not really worry about the consequences and most importantly – being single gives you the freedom to have fun!
Have you sat down with your friends and really expressed how you feel when it comes to their actions? I’m confident that your friends aren’t coming from a bad place, but sometimes, friends need to be reminded when to lay-off a bit. Communication is key! Be open and honest. If they are your real friends, each of them will completely respect how you feel and cease trying to “hook you up” every other second.
If all of your friends are in a relationship, I would encourage you to seek out some additional friends (notice I didn’t say “new”). Let’s be honest, you just can’t do everything you may want with friends who are in committed relationships!
A: Dear Overbearing Friends,
Ouch, that is a pickle.
First let me attempt to explain what the situation may be on behalf of your friends.
When you are in a relationship and loving it, you feel as if you have seen the light of day. All you want to do is spread the good news, of course the first people you want to experience what you are experiencing are your friends and loved ones. Being single and happy becomes a myth in the minds of those who are in a good relationship as memories of being single fade. They think “I thought I was happy before this, but I had NO IDEA what I was really missing”. Your friends have good intentions, but unfortunately it does not change the fact they are becoming a pain in your butt.
You are single and for the purpose of this post you are loving it and they do not understand. Your job is to make them understand. Talk to them, either one by one or in a group and let them know how you feel. Tell them they will be the first people you come to when you are looking to be set up, but until then they need to chill out.
I do think it would benefit you to start hanging out with other people who are also enjoying the single market just to take the pressure off; however I do not think it is necessary to completely drop your current group of “in a relationship” friends. It is healthy to have different friends for different occasions. Good luck!
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