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No Phone Zone

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Justin and Joy discuss the dependency our culture has with technology, social media, and the illusion of connection.

Elevator Pitch

  • Justin’s inability to recall how many weeks are in a year.
  • Joy claiming she’s right more times than Justin.
  • Justin’s attachment to his phone.
  • “Mark Unread” feature for iPhones.
  • Social media in relationships.
  • Justin’s refusal to use Facebook chat.
  • Sharing inappropriate pictures via social media.
  • Debate: Do women like to receive nude pics?
  • Overextending our personal lives on social media.
  • Daily vlogging.
  • And much more!

Spread the Word

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Episode 10 Preview

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The Truth About Texting

Q: Hi, LoveJays!

I’m curious about this whole texting and dating situation. I’ve never been much of a texter — and to be honest, I hate texting. It’s bothersome and you never know what to say and when the other person doesn’t text back, it leaves you wondering, “What?” I’ve just recently started “talking” to someone and it all started one night because we texted for four hours straight. He initiated talk throughout the week but this weekend, conversation has been sporadic. I won’t hear from him for four hours but when I do, he still seems interested. Sometimes when I ask a question, it’ll take him a whole day to get back to me. I know he’s a busy person but I can’t help but wonder. My friends say that most guys are just shitty communicators when it comes to texting. Is that the case or is he just not interested anymore? Is texting just a shitty way to communicate too? Or has it just gotten to a point where he knows he has me and therefore doesn’t feel the need to court me via text message?

A: Dear Pick Up The Phone,

First, let me say I do consider texting an acceptable form of communication. It’s a great way to send and receive information quickly when you do not feel like/cannot pick up the phone. However, when “talking” to and individual it would be nice if you guys actually verbally talked. Texting leaves too much to be interpreted, especially when you are trying to communicate how much you do or do not like a potential mate.

As far as your question goes, I think it is safe to say he was excited when he first started talking to you and now he is less excited. Does this mean he does not like you? Not necessarily. Let me put it this way, he’s definitely not head over heels. No one who wants to communicate is bad at communicating. It’s not difficult to respond to a text message. Sadly, your friends have been misinformed and are passing along their misinformation to you. If he was really that terrible at texting (is that even a real thing?) he would not have been so responsive in the first place.

Confession: I say I am bad at responding to text all the time. What I really should say is “I read your message and opt not to respond right away because I am doing something else I am more interested in doing at the time.”

Sad, but true and also not an acceptable excuse when trying to seriously get to know a person.

Also, there is no such thing as “courting via text message”. It is literally the most impersonal mode of communication.

I say this in love…DO NOT BE AFRAID TO RAISE YOUR STANDARDS! 

You get what you demand. Now would be a great time to demand that whoever is  interested in you has to be interested enough to call you.

Love,

Miss J

Dear Text Messaging Confusion,

Let’s start this with a simple PSA to all the men: STOP USING TEXT MESSAGING AS YOUR PRIMARY METHOD OF COMMUNICATION!

SMS: it’s an acronym. (S)hort (M)essaging (S)service. Keyword: SHORT.

Text messaging was developed with the intention of exchanging quick, short-handed conversations without having to call someone. It wasn’t developed to prevent people from ever using their cell phones to ACTUALLY dial a phone number and have a verbal conversation with another human being! Imagine that — using our phones to call people? What a strange concept. You mean to tell me cell phones aren’t just made for downloading 2000 apps or stalking friends on social media or taking pictures of every pointless thing in life?

I’m not bashing text messaging; I use the service everyday. However, I am calling out all those who write college length essays over a text message. Really? Were all those characters necessary? In the time it took you to type everything, you could’ve done the following:

1. Dialed my number
2. Listened to the phone ring at least 3 times before I picked up.
3. Asked your question using half of the words you were going to type.
4. Received the answer to your question.
5. Had a 3-5 minute conversation discussing at least five other things.

You see what we did there? By picking up the phone, we were actually able to discuss multiple topics (in a short amount of time) AND we didn’t have to decode your poor use of the English language or emoticons. Fascinating.

Want to hear more about my opinions on text messaging when dating? Good, I’m glad you agreed.

Where were we? That’s right, something about texting a guy for four hours.

FOUR HOURS?

I’m all for getting to know someone, but if you can’t pick up the phone and carry-on a halfway intelligent conversation, you clearly aren’t as interested as you give off. What makes you think a man who isn’t willing to SPEAK with you is willing to be SEEN with you? Any man who is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman on a more personal level will have no problem picking up the phone, regardless how “busy” he may be or how “poor” he communicates. And as a woman, you should demand his attention and respect. Winning the gold medal shouldn’t be easy, right?

Love,

Mr. J

P.S. Courting via text messaging doesn’t exist. The end. 🙂

© LoveJays 2013

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Did You Lose Your Manners When You Purchased Your iPhone?

It’s 2012 and technology is leading the charge on how we communicate! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, G-Chat, iChat, BBM, Kik Messenger, Viddy, Ustream, Skype, FaceTime, Text Messaging…the list is endless. Let’s jump back just 10 years ago: how many of these communication mediums existed? If you didn’t have AIM and I didn’t have your house number, (YES, back in 2002 we actually had to call a girl’s house if we wanted to speak with her) it was virtually impossible to get in contact with a friend.

Side bar: wouldn’t it be nice if we could go back to the days when it was slightly challenging to get in contact with someone? Don’t get me wrong, I am an avid social media user who always has my iPhone in my left pocket, but it would be phenomenal if I had the option to unplug from the world.

Yesterday, I was at a rooftop bar in Manhattan with Miss J and two other lady friends sipping on a beer and enjoying the sunset over the Hudson River. The conversation was pretty lighthearted until one of the ladies brought up an interesting point. She began to express her extreme frustration with men using text messaging as their primary means of communicating with her. She continued on in frustration and suggested men who are interested in getting to know her should try picking up the phone, dial her number (scroll through your contacts and click the name) and initiate a verbal conversation.

Definition of verbal conversation: when two or more people engage in the sharing of information, thoughts, ideas, etc. through a handheld portable computing device most commonly understood as an iPhone, BlackBerry, Android or similar device (Dictionary.com/Mr J’s creativity).

The sentiment was shared amongst all three ladies and I started to ponder this question: Has technology (primarily texting, BBMing and emoji-ing) caused more harm than good in the wonderful world of dating?

Texting has become the primary mode of communication for young people (16-25 years of age) through its relative quick, easy and convenient functions. On the flip side, it’s very difficult to express genuine emotion via text messaging and requires us to pay little attention to the receiver on the other end.

And this is where the problem arouses – attention. Attention and women go hand-in-hand. If you want to keep a woman in your life, I suggest finding every way possible to balance the attention you focus on her, yourself and everyone else. It may seem crazy, but I’m giving you something most men learn the hard way.

What does all this have to do with text messaging? Everything! Women want to feel appreciated. Simply grabbing the phone and putting your thumbs to work requires little effort; it can happen anytime and anywhere (if you have Verizon). Calling someone requires you to stop what you are doing and engage in a healthy conversation. It takes effort; not much effort, but enough effort to make the woman realize that you are interested and care about what she has on her mind. Give her that outlet. Be the guy who everyone says to themselves, “How in the hell did he get her?!” Next time you go on a date with a woman, give her call and explain how much you enjoyed the night together. A simple two-minute conversation could be all the difference in the world.

Technology may have changed. Women have not. Give your thumbs a break and use those manners yo’ momma taught you! A good woman is awaiting.

Happy Dating!

Mr. J

© LoveJays 2012