After the 3rd Date

Q: Hello Love Jays,

I recently met this girl about 3 months ago and we have went on 3 dates since that time which have all gone very well in my opinion. The first time we spent together was at Disneyland for about 8 hours where we had great conversation getting to know and learn the basics of each other. We were both enjoying the time together being very comfortable and laughing with one another. Conversation never seemed to be awkward or at a standstill. She was excited and wanted to take tons of photos and tag us together on her social media outlets. I paid for dinner and any other snack/foods we enjoyed since I invited her out. Towards the later part of the night she was latching onto my arms as we walked through the park, which I thought was a good sign. I dropped her off at home where we said good night and she ended by saying, “lets hang out again ASAP.”

We texted back and forth here and there and a little over a week later we went out to dinner at Yard House where things picked up from where they had left off from the last time we were together. We were beginning to talk about things with a bit more depth but never an awkward moment. Post dinner we went and painted at Color Me Mine just to do something out of the ordinary. Once again I paid for dinner and Color Me Mine. Stopped for dessert and eventually took her home again and the night ended at a positive tone once again. Never once felt like I had to make a move, because I felt she showed signs she was interested and didn’t want to potentially mess anything up.

Another week or so passes and this time I came up with the idea to drive down to San Diego from Orange County to catch the musical “Wicked.” This time the evening was verbally proposed as a date by me as I brought her flowers and we were a little more dressed up for the occasion. She loved the flowers and we were both very complimentary about each others attire and receptive of the compliments. Intermission of the show, she was very into taking photos together once again to share with her friends and social media. Lights go down for the second half of the show where she now is sitting closer to me. I thought by this time i’d attempt to hold her hand to see how she responded which would give me a better feeling where we stood. We held hands for about a second until she pulled back and said “not now.” I didn’t think too much of it and the night went on and she enjoyed the show. The drive back was a bit more quiet and I felt a sense of weirdness so I openly told her, “I am sorry if it was awkward that I tried to hold your hand.” She responded saying, “it’s okay don’t worry about, lets not talk about. lets talk about something else.” This threw me off that she completely deflected the question because I felt this was the opportunity to talk about where we stood.

At this point I felt I had invested a lot at this time towards this potential relationship and wanted to know if I should continue pursuing or back off. After dropping her off and giving each other a good night hug I said to her sincerely, “let me know what’s up, because I don’t want to waste your time.” Basically putting the ball in her court to decide what would be next. I have yet to hear from her. Which has been about 4 days.

My question to you Love Jays is where do you think she stands? Why were all the signs saying she was interested but after our 3rd “date” I felt we took steps back. Did I move too quick with the hand holding? Why might she have deflected the question in the car? Where should I go from here?

Thanks!

A: Dear 3rd Date Disruption:

I’m just going to jump straight into this question and answer it with the classic two words we hated seeing as a child: Game Over.

I wish I could whip-up some magical potion and deliver some better news, but from the looks of the situation, it seems the other player in the game may not be willing to move your friend-relationship to the next level. All the signs in the beginning were pointing forward for a reason – you didn’t make a move! But guess what…you should have made a move! For goodness sake, it had been 3 months and you did everything right. In my 23 years of living, I have not once waited 3 months without attempting to make-a-move (don’t judge me – I like the physical aspect of relationships). And in your case: hand holding?? C’mon now!

Keep your head up high and realize you are not the person to blame for the awkwardness. You threw the bait – she let it drop. In the words of Jay-Z, “On to the next one!”

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Wicked 3rd Date,

I think I am going to go ahead and say leave it alone. You did the right thing by leaving the ball in her court. She is obviously having some feelings that she is not communicating with you, nor does she have any interest in communicating those feelings anytime soon. You opened the door for her and she didn’t step through. Leave it at that. From the first and second date it seems she wanted physical contact on her terms, maybe she is just trying to have fun. I understand she even included you on her social media pages, but let those thoughts go. Pay attention to the now. If she shows interest in you it is fun and enjoyable, if you show interest in her it has the potential to get serious and maybe she is not ready for that. Ask yourself some questions like what was her last relationship like? Why might she have some hesitation when it comes to male initiated contact? She could have been in a bad relationship, or she could just not be there yet. In any case as long as she is not willing to communicate with you as to what the deal is you have no choice but to step back. In the mean time I want you to ponder this, do you really want to move forward with someone whose style of communicating is to shut down and retreat? The answer may be yes and it may be no, Just food for thought. Good luck!

Love,

Miss J

© LoveJays 2012