Q: Dear Love Jays,
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 months. We go to a few of the get-togethers that my friends have and everyone knows we are a couple. There is this girl who is not necessarily a friend of mine, but is a friend of a friend who is typically around in these social settings. I never had a problem with her, but lately I have noticed how she tries to get my boyfriend’s attention A LOT. There were times I noticed it and brushed it off because I trust my boyfriend, and also, I don’t want to be “that one” who thinks every female wants her man. The first time I noticed it I laughed because I couldn’t believe she was being extra, but then the next time it happened it was so blatantly obvious.
I guess my question is how do we deal with this kind of person. For me, the respect level is lacking and that’s where the frustrating part is coming from.
Dear Flirting With My Man,
Miss J told me loooong ago that women are naturally attracted to committed men. She went on to explain several reasons why this is indeed true, all of which made perfectly good sense. We have revisited the conversation a few times over the course of our relationship and it has helped make me more aware of womanly intentions.
Men love getting attention from women, myself included. Better yet, we all love getting attention from the opposite sex. Women just do a MUCH better job of explaining they aren’t interested or keeping it more low-key. The second option isn’t the recommended choice, but let’s not pretend we are all innocent.
Although we may dismiss some actions as just “friendly” or “playful”, most men can identify when a woman is looking to quench her thirst. The problem isn’t that we aren’t able to decipher such actions; the problem is that we often choose to ignore these signs which then lead to conflicts, arguments and hurt feelings.
“I, Mr. J, acknowledge my guilt and thank Miss J for communicating her feelings each and EVERY time.”
Advice on how handling these type of people?
- Acknowledge their intentions.
- Explain their intentions to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
- Remind your boyfriend or girlfriend to exercise common sense.
- Check your boyfriend or girlfriend when they fail to exercise common sense.
- Repeat steps 1-4
Cheers!
Mr. J
Dear Unwelcome Attention,
Men are more attractive when taken. I personally do not find myself extra attracted to a man who already has a woman, but many females do. I think it has something to do with knowing that man has the ability to be in a committed relationship. Very twisted way of thinking if you ask me, but hey, it is what it is.
Unfortunately, you cannot do anything to control what is going on outside of your relationship, but you do have a say for what goes on inside of your relationship. If this girl is really a problem speak to your boyfriend about it. Let him know you are not jealous and you trust him completely; however, her lack of respect for your relationship is bothersome. This is where the teamwork aspect of the relationship comes in. Once you bring her behavior to his attention you two can come up with a way to deal with her together.
Good Luck!
Love,
Miss J
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