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Sex Dreams & Car Doors

sex dreams

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Justin and Joy discuss their not so appropriate dreams and why he refuses to open her car door.

Elevator Pitch

  • Y2K Babies.
  • The moment you realize everyone knows your business.
  • Recap: Presidential Debate #1.
  • “Sexy Time” Dreams.
  • Six Degrees of Separation.
  • Consuming TV at different rates.
  • Men opening car doors for women.
  • Chivalry: What’s your definition?
  • And much more!

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Episode 26 Preview

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Celibacy: The Road Less Traveled

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Justin and Joy share the lessons learned along their three-and-a-half year journey through celibacy.

Elevator Pitch

  • Do you love Tuesdays?
  • Basking in quiet time.
  • Children timeline…we don’t agree.
  • iPhone 7: Why I don’t have you, yet.
  • Celibacy: The Road Less Traveled.
  • The defining moment(s) that led to our decision.
  • Sex is a distraction.
  • Redefining intimacy.
  • Friends to Best Friends.
  • And much more!

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Episode 24 Preview

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Sex First, Love Second

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Do you think true love will transpire from a relationship started on strictly sex?

A: Dear Sex First, Relationship Second,

Contrary to popular belief, a relationship started on strictly sex has the ability to transform into one built on love, trust and understanding. Would I bet the house on it? No. Do I believe the majority of relationships that are rooted in just sex will eventually fail? Yes. However, just because we start something one way doesn’t always mean it will finish the same way.

We’ve written about sex numerous times in the past and we can agree sex plays in an important role in any sexually active relationship. Did you catch that? An important role. As defined by the lovely dictionary app on my Macbook, role is defined as “the function assumed or part played by a person or thing in a particular situation”.

Function assumed. Part played.

The definition clearly suggests that a role does not make up the entirety, therefore sex shouldn’t make up the entirety of a relationship. “Sex-only” relationships are typically characteristic of people who are unwilling or afraid to embrace the other roles needed to maintain a healthy and successful relationship. And guess what happens when you have two people who are unwilling to do the “other stuff”? You guessed correctly — a shoddy relationship at best.

Fortunately for us, we are all humans and have the ability to change. If both parties (yes, BOTH PARTIES) are willing to move sex from the forefront of their relationship and develop the other necessary components of a relationship, true love can transpire. Be sure to prepare yourself for a looooooong and bumpy ride! 🙂

Love,

Mr. J

A: Dear Sex Before Love,

In today’s day and age, it is not uncommon to have sex with a person before actually getting to know them. Just as we have emotional needs, we also have physical needs. Sometimes a person intended to fill a physical need can surprise you with their ability to fill your emotional needs as well.

As a woman, I can see how it could be pretty simple to make the transition from friends with benefits to boyfriend and girlfriend. Whether you want to admit it or not, sex is an emotional experience for us. Even if we think we have shut off the emotional switch, every time you lay down with a man you are opening the emotional flood gates just a bit.

Men operate differently. It’s a little easier for them to separate physical pleasure from emotional desires. I hate to say it, but because of this fun fact, once women give what Steve Harvey calls “The Cookie” away, they are at a disadvantage. Men are motivated by sex. It’s not even all about the act, half the time it’s about the mystery. What does that women really look like, feel like, smell like ect…Once the mystery is gone so is the motivation.

It’s no secret that sex confuses things. Is it possible to have a true, loving relationship with the foundation being just sex? Absolutely. However, it is not probable. Good Luck!

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2013

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Casual Sex Solution?

Q: Dear Love Jays,

In today’s modern American society it feels like you have to be in a relationship to have sex without negative stigmas being attached to it. If you are single and having lots of sex, whether you are a guy or a girl, people develop negative opinions about you as a person, calling you a “slut” or a “manwhore.” I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I also don’t want to miss out on one of life’s greatest pleasures. Is there an elegant solution?

A: Dear Casually Sexin’,

We currently live in a hypersexualized society. From the ads saturating the digital media platforms to the songs aired on the radio, sexual innuendos bombard our senses 24/7. What use to be an act of privacy, respect and love has now been marketed as cool, flashy and powerful. And to make matters worse, more and more young people (not teenagers, KIDS) are engaging in sexual activities.

It’s hard to deny that sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures. No need to go into details here, but the majority of those who have participated in the act will probably agree. I like to compare sex to alcohol. If you wait until the proper age and handle it responsibly, few problems (if any) will arise. If you handle it irresponsibly and ignore the consequences that may follow, sex shifts from life’s greatest pleasure to life’s greatest vice.

It’s important to handle sex with care and have an open flow of communication with your sexual partner(s). Regardless what some will argue, sex entails more than just the physical “feel good”. Emotions will play a role some place down the line, so be mindful of the people you choose to sleep with and the reasons behind it. If everyone is on the same page, I’m all for it.

In regards to the “slut” or “manwhore” comments, let people have their opinions. If people kept their sexual lives private and stopped broadcasting it to the world (friends, social media) or wear it as an honor badge on their sleeve, people wouldn’t be in a position to make such comments. Show the decency to respect others and most importantly, yourself. If the negative comments are starting to take their toll, maybe it’s time to reexamine your actions and decide if you are happy the way you are living.

Be you. Be happy. Be comfortable.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear I Just Want to Have Fun,

Well, as people say: Opinions are like butt-holes, everyone has one.

If you are comfortable and confident in your lifestyle than who cares what anyone else thinks?  Let’s look at it this way, would you really be doing anyone any favors if you were to enter into a relationship just for the sake of having sex with one individual? Probably not.

I am celibate and from the outside looking in it may look like I am a prude, but that’s far from the truth. If I concerned myself with how people viewed my decision I would probably be back to doing to the do by now.

As long as you are safe, feel good about yourself and have consenting partners, I see nothing wrong with you living your life the way you see fit. After all it is YOUR life.

Love,

Miss J 

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© LoveJays 2013

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It’s All About Sex

Q: Dear Love Jays,

I’m sure this will sound like a silly problem to have, but it seems to be on my mind a lot.

My boyfriend has an extremely high sex drive (abnormally high actually, even for a guy). I keep up pretty well! And I’m always flattered by how much he wants me or how much he’s attracted to me (and just me too). However, I frequently find myself upset because despite whether we are in great moods, having a serious conversation, having fun, or fighting like crazy, practically everything that comes out of his mouth is sex-oriented. Everything is always about sex, usually. Things always seem to be very sexual or physical.

What do you guys think??

A: Dear Hyperactive Sex Drive,

More often than not, we hear stories about people getting frustrated with a lack of sexaul activity within thier relationship. While I do believe not being sexed right will lead to problems, being oversexed just might lead to problems as well.

Let’s be candid. Sex is an important aspect of most relationships. It’s how we communicate physically with those we care about…most times. And just like any other language, we have to practice and learn the best ways to incorporate it within our relationship.

Sex must be handled responsibly. Shifting our focus to “all-sex-everything” may be a sign of emotional immaturity and a lack of understanding on how to effectively communicate our feelings with our partner. It’s okay to have sex – I’m not arguing against it. But it’s important to understand that sex is only one aspect of the relationship. A strong relationship must be well-rounded and equally proportioned.

If it’s really starting to bother you, I would encourage you to initiate a conversation with your boyfriend. Explain to him how you are feeling and try to figure out why sex is the only thing on his mind. As I always say, communication is key.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Crazy [Sex] Drive Me Crazy, 

We live in an overly sexualized society. There are sexual stimuli EVERYWHERE! Add those stimuli to a man with a healthy dose of testosterone and voila, we have your boyfriend. 

Studies show, on average, men think of sexual activity about once every hour. Let’s say that the man is awake for 15 hours, he has now (supposedly) thought about sex 15 times that day. Now let’s say the man has an overactive sex drive and for arguments sake he maybe has thought about sex twice an hour making his total thought count 30 times in one day. If he sees something/someone (you)  who can relive his desire he is going to go for it, no matter what the mood. 

Girl World Clarification: You have made the declaration to hit the gym and stay away from sweets. You wake up to discover aunt Flo has come to town and all you want is Yogurtland’s chocolate froyo. You  resist the urge because you will have Heidi Klum’s legs in a month even if it kills you. As the day goes by little things keep reminding you of Yogurtland’s chocolate froyo. You go to the gym and have an ok work out, even though you know it could have been better, at least it was better than nothing. You have to meet a friend for dinner, and on your way there you pass a Yogurtland. You resist again. At dinner you order a vegetables and maybe baked chicken, but you are not satisfied. All you want is Yogurtland’s chocolate froyo. As you are leaving the restaurant you notice another froyo shop, it’s not Yogurtland. It’s not necessarily the right time; but you have been thinking about chocolate froyo all day, and you did at least go to the gym.That’s it! You are going to get it right here, right now! Chocolate froyo is chocolate froyo, right?

To sum it up your man is spending a lot of time thinking about sex and you have become the solution to his sex craving. That’s why no matter what is going on in your relationship at the time he still wants to do it. He wants it and he wants it BAD. It even sounds like he has removed emotion from the sex equation and made it a very regular physical need. Sex should not just be something you do habitually. 

The best thing you can do is break it down to him. Nicely of course. You said you often find yourself upset, it’s time to let him know! You are not a sex object, nor will you tolerate him treating you as such. 

I’m going to get some chocolate froyo now! 

Good Luck! 

Love, 

Miss J 

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© LoveJays 2013

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Below Average Sex

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Can you maintain a healthy relationship if the sex is terrible?

A: Dear It’s just not good,

If you are in a relationship and sex is an active ingredient, it will be very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship for a long period of time. Sex is the way our body communicates our feelings for another, good or bad. We have all had those intimate moments when our feelings are running high and the intimacy level is off the chart, yet we have also had those terrible moments when our head just isn’t in the right place and the sex is well below average.

Though it is not the only way of expressing our feelings, sexual intercourse definitely plays a strong part of maintaining intimacy. If you aren’t having sexual intercourse, you have found others ways to be intimate with each other, but once the leap is made, it’s our responsibility to treat our partner correctly. Some may suggest that we can teach them how to “sex us”, but if both aren’t emotionally and physically rocking to the same beat, it’s bound to collapse at some point. Let’s not forget about sex drive, either. If you are always ready to hit the sheets, yet it’s like pulling teeth to convince your partner to join…the relationships will slowly break apart.

It’s important to discover your feelings about sex and communicate it openly and honestly with your partner. If you’re not very good, let them know. If you don’t care for it too much, share that information too! Once everything is in the open, each can decide what route to take next!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Close but No Cigar,

Is it possible to maintain a healthy relationship with bad sex? Sure. Is it likely you will be able to maintain a healthy relationship for an extended amount of time? Probably not.

When a couple decides to get physical, sex is high on the “needs to satisfy” list. Bad sex is just not satisfying. Period. Of course you can always attempt to teach your partner what it is exactly that satisfies you. If they can keep up, great; but if not… well…

As a woman I can say (for the most part) sex is an emotional act. We correlate the quality of sex with the intensity of a man’s deep desire to love/want us. Everyone is allowed an off day, but if it’s consistently bad that could be a sign. Think of your body as a puzzle, some pieces fit together perfectly and others don’t fit at all because they belong to another piece. Your partner may not be “bad” per say, they just might not be compatible with you. Good luck!

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2012