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Dating Outside My Race

Dear Love Jays,

I’d like to date outside of my race, but I feel I’d be uncomfortable going to somewhere like a country bar. Any suggestions?

Dear A Tad Uncomfortable,

Dating outside of your race may be difficult or uncomfortable…if you allow for it. This past weekend, we featured an interracial couple on our radio show and asked if they had experienced any negativity for dating outside of their race. Their answer? Once they passed the threshold of real love, it wasn’t even a thing considered.

“For those people who feel a lot of pressure, it’s because they are insecure and they are looking for reasons to why this might not work in the future.” -MC Prototype

Some cultures are much more accepting of dating outside of race, while others have very strong opinions against it. I’m all for embracing our culture and respecting family beliefs and values, but love is love; we all have different paths toward finding it and the person(s) made right for us could very well be a different color.

Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t easy; it requires us to open our minds and embrace vulnerability. However, remaining in a safe space only allows for minimal growth and countless of missed opportunities. Open yourself to the possibilities of something different and do it with a smile! If it makes you feel at ease, I went to a country bar a few times in college and enjoyed myself each and every time; I even learned how to line dance…kind of.

Love,

Mr. J

A:Dear Ready to Try Something New,

It is common to want to experience something new and unfamiliar in the dating world and otherwise. I think instead of aiming to date outside of your race it may be better to be open to dating outside of your race. No need to go fishing. You want something to happen organically.

If you are uncomfortable going to a “country bar”, then it makes no sense to go looking for someone to date there. If you are looking to get out of your comfort zone completely, that’s okay. But realize you more than likely will be returning to more “country bars” in the future.

In my opinion, the same rules still apply. You want to find someone with whom you are compatible and share similar interest with. People of all races are into all types of thing. I am sure there are plenty of people outside of your race at a number of places you would normally go. Love of all colors can happen anywhere, not just at places that you know will have a plethora of a particular race. Stay true to you. Good Luck!

Love,

Miss J

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Love Jays on TradioV LA: Pilot

Hey Love Fans!

Just 3 weeks after our appearance on Forkin’ Amazing, we were offered to host our very own show on TradioV LA! Click on the picture above or follow this link to view our pilot show.

Our show will air live on Saturdays at 11:00 a.m. PST and we would love to get our community of readers involved in the show!

Special thanks to Will (MC Prototype) and Janine for being our featured guests. Show your support and download his latest album, Chasing Dreams on iTunes or at www.mcprototype.com.

Love,

J&J

 

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Online Dating?

Q: Dear Love Jays,

How do you feel about online dating?

A: Dear Love Online,

If you asked me this question a couple of years ago I probably would have said something like, “why would you sign up for a site when you can just go hang out somewhere and meet someone?” When you are in college, or in any type of school you are exposed to new faces all of the time.I didn’t understand how hard it is to meet people, especially when you are working all day every day.

Technology has found a way to work itself into most aspects of our lives, why not let it play a role in the dating game? I think it’s okay to meet someone online, but I do think that it is important to practice the following technique:

  1. Make sure they are not a crazy person.
  2. Make sure they are who they say they are.
  3. Meet them in person (you don’t want to get Manti Te’od)
  4. Meet in a public place-a very very public place
  5. Go with your gut. Just because you meet someone through a site and everything lines up on paper does not mean you are going to have a magical connection in person. Know when to leave good enough alone.

Other than that, I think dating online will have a similar if not the same results as meeting someone at the local library. You will either like them and you will keep seeing each other or you wont. Just stay smart and be safe.

Love,

Miss J

Dear Internet Lovin’,

Technology has paved the way for humans to develop connections with friends or complete strangers in just about every way. It’s very easy to spend a couple of hours surfing through various different social media platforms and come across people who may catch our eye. If you love pictures or sharing thoughts in 140 characters or less, Twitter or Instagram #hashtags may connect you with people who have similar interests and hobbies. If those aren’t your thing, head on over to Facebook and scroll through your news feed or view a friends’ photo album hoping (intentionally or unintentionally) to stumble across one of their friends who “looks good”. If you haven’t done this at least once since creating an account, you’re lying.

What do all of these social media sites have in common? Each of them allow their users to directly communicate with one another; built-in messaging systems make introductions easy to whomever we see fit and give hope to those too afraid to speak with someone in person. And if you want to kick it up a notch, create a profile on one of the dozens of online dating sites.

Match.com. E-Harmony. Plenty of Fish. OkCupid. Zoosk. The list goes on.

The possibilities for meeting a potential love interest on the internet are virtually limitless and if you choose to go this route, I don’t see anything wrong. And neither should you or anyone else! The path to love is different for everyone and technology has only created more paths in finding it. As with everything on the internet, it’s important to exercise caution and a bit of common sense; the last thing you want is an appearance on the Katie Couric show explaining your Catfish story.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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© LoveJays 2013

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Unconditional Love Part 3-My Conclusion

 

Love.Love. Love. Easy to feel and hard to understand. It’s a simple yet complex emotion and often over analyzed. Love is love. Period.

I originally began writing about the existence of unconditional love about a month ago. (Check out Unconditional Love Parts 1 and 2 here) I couldn’t bring myself to write a conclusion because I didn’t have one yet, but now I do so here it is.

Unconditional love DOES exist.

1. I know for a fact God loves me unconditionally. How do I know this? Because good things keep happening, despite my flawed human behavior my prayers are still answered. And I love him back, so that’s that.

2. My parents love me unconditionally. They just do and always will.

3. I love my parents unconditionally. I just do and always will.

4. I love my family and those I consider family unconditionally. I just do and always will.

With that being said I realized one thing. The condition is not love, it’s like. Love does not have conditions, you love someone or you don’t. There are various types of love, but love is love. I think when people start to experience a different type of love they think they have fallen out of love when really they have just transitioned into a different type of love.

“What about hate?” you say, “Certainly you can’t love someone you hate.”

I shall give you the gift of my favorite quote on the subject matter.

 “Isn’t hate merely the result of wounded love?” -Amy Tan

When you ‘hate’ someone you are experiencing wounded love. Still love, anyway you spin it.

Moving on…

After coming to this conclusion I was still wondering what I was feeling when I just absolutely did not like a person. Then it dawned on me… LIKE! That’s the answer! the opposite of like is dislike (obviously). So basically my understanding is this: You love some people and others you have never loved; but whether or not you like or dislike them it has nothing to do with love lost or gained. ‘Like’ is a different emotion with its own category and it is indeed completely conditional.

Love and Like,

Miss J

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She Needs to Back Off!

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 months. We go to a few of the get-togethers that my friends have and everyone knows we are a couple. There is this girl who is not necessarily a friend of mine, but is a friend of a friend who is typically around in these social settings. I never had a problem with her, but lately I have noticed how she tries to get my boyfriend’s attention A LOT.  There were times I noticed it and brushed it off because I trust my boyfriend, and also, I don’t want to be “that one” who thinks every female wants her man. The first time I noticed it I laughed because I couldn’t believe she was being extra, but then the next time it happened it was so blatantly obvious.

I guess my question is how do we deal with this kind of person. For me, the respect level is lacking and that’s where the frustrating part is coming from.

Dear Flirting With My Man,

Miss J told me loooong ago that women are naturally attracted to committed men. She went on to explain several reasons why this is indeed true, all of which made perfectly good sense. We have revisited the conversation a few times over the course of our relationship and it has helped make me more aware of womanly intentions.

Men love getting attention from women, myself included. Better yet, we all love getting attention from the opposite sex. Women just do a MUCH better job of explaining they aren’t interested or keeping it more low-key. The second option isn’t the recommended choice, but let’s not pretend we are all innocent.

Although we may dismiss some actions as just “friendly” or “playful”, most men can identify when a woman is looking to quench her thirst. The problem isn’t that we aren’t able to decipher such actions; the problem is that we often choose to ignore these signs which then lead to conflicts, arguments and hurt feelings.

“I, Mr. J, acknowledge my guilt and thank Miss J for communicating her feelings each and EVERY time.”

Advice on how handling these type of people?

  1. Acknowledge their intentions.
  2. Explain their intentions to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
  3. Remind your boyfriend or girlfriend to exercise common sense.
  4. Check your boyfriend or girlfriend when they fail to exercise common sense.
  5. Repeat steps 1-4

Cheers!

Mr. J

Dear Unwelcome Attention,  

Men are more attractive when taken. I personally do not find myself extra attracted to a man who already has a woman, but many females do. I think it has something to do with knowing that man has the ability to be in a committed relationship. Very twisted way of thinking if you ask me, but hey, it is what it is.

Unfortunately, you cannot do anything to control what is going on outside of your relationship, but you do have a say for what goes on inside of your relationship. If this girl is really a problem speak to your boyfriend about it. Let him know you are not jealous and you trust him completely; however, her lack of respect for your relationship is bothersome. This is where the teamwork aspect of the relationship comes in. Once you bring her behavior to his attention you two can come up with a way to deal with her together.

Good Luck!

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2013

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Dating a Higher Up

Q: Hi, Love Jays!

How do you feel about dating co-workers, especially ones that are higher up than you? I’ve been flirting a lot with someone that I work with and it constantly feels like we are dancing around this line that we know we probably shouldn’t cross but want to. Any advice?

A: Dear Dating a Higher Up,

‘Tis the season for dating in the workplace!

I’ll get right to my thoughts and spare you of another long winded intro about the same topic we answered a few hours prior in a different post.

I’m definitely open to the idea of dating in the workplace and don’t think any less of those who use work as their primary feeding ground to pick up men or women. It’s easy and convenient; completely understand. On the flip side, I encourage people to exercise caution when deciding to date one of their co-workers, especially if they have a direct influence over you.

Say the two of you started dating, things go south, then he/she uses their position to make your job a nightmare. Would you be okay with such a consequence? It’s easy to overlook the negative outcomes when we’re blinded by our emotions.

Be honest with yourself. Do you enjoy working at your job? Can you see yourself here for many years? Are you willing to risk ruining a possible promotion? Does everyone know each other’s business? These are the types of questions you have to answer when deciding if the two you should start dating. If you weighed out the pros/cons and it feels like the right thing to do, go for it!

YOLO, right?

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Should I Date My Co-Worker, 

To avoid being way to0 repetitive for one day, I will simply say “What Mr. J said.” 🙂 

Good Luck! 

Love, 

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2013