366 Days of Marriage

anniversary

Elevator Pitch

  • Happy Anniversary!
  • Review: 366 Days of Marriage.
  • Commitment must be a priority.
  • Moving in together before marriage? YES!
  • Misguided expectations.
  • Marriage doesn’t magically change people.
  • Finances, Sex, Chores: Communicate!
  • Future planning is critical.
  • Faith and prayer = our cornerstone.
  • Conclusion: Marriage is fun!
  • And much more!

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Episode 20 Preview

Down in the DM

Snapchat

Elevator Pitch

  • Key advantage of recording in the morning.
  • Our babysitting history.
  • The Points Guy.
  • Justin’s ongoing feud with economy seats on airplanes.
  • Trusting your partner with Snapchat.
  • Rebelling against limitations and restrictions.
  • The one time Justin tried telling Joy what she “could” do.
  • Justin’s Golden Rule.
  • Molding your significant other into their best self.
  • And much more!

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If you enjoyed the episode, please leave us a review on iTunes and share it with your friends! Connect with us on TwitterFacebook, and Instagram to share your thoughts about the show.

Episode 17 Preview

The Truth About What Makes You Happy

Whenever I ask the question, “What should I do with my life?” people tend to respond with, “Do what makes you happy.” This is such a loaded response because:

  1. I am a bit fickle so what makes me happy today, may not make me happy tomorrow. #Human

  2. What if I find that thing and it’s not lucrative? #IHaveToEat

  3. What if I find something that makes me happy, but I still have to deal with things that make me unhappy, thus cancelling out my happiness? #FirstWorldProblems

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to life, I have doubts. Serious doubts. I need to know the answer to this question. How, how, how? If you are also searching for answers, let me save you some stress and a crap-ton of time. You are never going to find a solution to this question. It’s not something you can ever check off of your to-do list. It is a permanent and grueling task.

At this point, you may be wondering why I felt the need to write an article about a lifelong issue that cannot be resolved. Well, to contradict myself, of course.

Yay!

I have discovered the only thing that ever truly makes me happy, consistently, is when I help others in need. Specifically, when I give someone a word of advice or encouragement and it helps them solve, or at least, feel better about a challenge they may be facing in their life at the time.

So if you’re like me (and I know you are because #Human, remember?) you can’t find the answer to life’s most difficult question because you are asking the wrong question. You should be asking, “How do I like to help others?” I suspect you may already know, and if you do, do more of whatever that thing is. Say goodbye to temporary fulfillment and say hello to full-time happiness. No one can ever take away that moment you helped someone in need. It is seared into the memory of the universe. FOREVER. And yes, I am well aware this sounds cliche, but you guys, it’s totally the answer you have been looking for. I promise!

On that note, I am so happy to be back. I’ve missed you all and I am ready to help.

Now go out and help someone!

xoxo,

JOY

Fool Me Once

Dear Love Jays,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. Unfortunately, I have experienced some heartbreak in the relationship as a result of some mistakes that he’s made. I’m with him, I forgave him. However, I’m having a little bit of a hard time with something else. Even though I forgave him I’m struggling with moving on from it. I’m in that place where my thought process is along the lines of “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”. I don’t want there to be a twice. I trust him, but I would also feel ridiculously stupid if it happened again. I guess my heart is on the fence with wanting to give over my trust (because I can) and then feeling like an idiot for giving it over the first time. Any advice for how to overcome that fear?

Dear Trust Dilemma,

Jumping right in.

What does your gut say? Does your gut say to give this man another chance. What has changed? Did he really learn from his mistake or is he an unchanged man? Sometimes people say they are sorry and beg for you to forgive them because they can’t stand the thought of a person they love being mad at them. They have no plans of fixing the real issue, just the issue that is affecting them in that very moment. In truth, you really should always forgive because people make mistakes but the rest has to be earned.

Let’s use cheating for example. Cheating takes time, there is no “I accidentally had sex with this person.” The real answer should be “I had sex with this person because I was not feeling attractive, and I liked that this person made me feel desired.” Of course no one wants to tell their partner that, but you get the picture. Well if the person who cheated is using the first excuse, the real problem will never be addressed and it will continue to be a problem. Trust has to start with the person who made the mistake. They have to trust their partner enough to tell them the truth and identify the reason why the mistake really occurred. All cards need to be out on the table and nothing should be hidden. Trust cannot be built on a foundation of lies and secrets.  It is then up to the unoffending significant other to decide whether or not to trust the person and even then, it’s going to take a while to rebuild that trust into something they can both be proud of.

The ball is in your court. Are all of the cards on the table? Can you really get over his mistakes? Do you trust that it won’t happen again? If the answer is “Yes, I trust him.” then you should have some evidence to support that decision. He’s more engaged, he’s made a real effort, he has been completely honest, he has been patient with my recovery, he is working on himself. Him bringing you flowers or saying sorry, but not really backing it up are merely a formality and a result of guilt. Just remember YOUR .TRUST. HAS. TO.BE. EARNED. If he has really earned it, trust yourself enough to let go of the fear and make the decision you feel is right.

Good Luck.

Love,

Miss J

Dear Don’t Fool Me Twice,

Every relationship experiences up and downs. There will be good days, some really good days, great days, average days, and of course — bad days. Despite how “together” a couple may appear on the surface, what truly defines the success of a relationship is how both parties respond when their backs are against the ropes.

You admitted your significant other has made mistakes in the past. These mistakes are now responsible for a shift in your relationship. Completely understandable. However, a relationship cannot go the distance when one of the parties has one foot in, one foot out. When his mistakes came to light, you had a choice: leave or work through the struggle. It may be difficult to pick the best option when our heart and emotions take over, but regardless if love or logic kept you from leaving, you committed to your relationship for some reason. What was that reason? Is the reason valid? Is the battle of forgiveness worth the reason?

You are struggling with moving past his mistakes because you haven’t come in agreement with yourself. Your heart may be saying one thing, but your friends and family may say another. Fortunately, the only person who knows the answer is you. Spend some time identifying the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. Decide if this relationship has the blueprint for a successful future. Diagnose the acceptable and unacceptable. Recognize your value. And most importantly: has he given you reason(s) to trust him again? The answer will become very clear when you take the appropriate steps towards solving the problem.

Love,

Mr. J

 

My Best Friend Is In An Abusive Relationship…HELP!

 Dear Love Jays,

Tough situation. My best friend is involved with a terrible guy. He’s every form of bad. She seems to have slipped in to this strong state of delusion where she believes without a doubt that the two of them are just meant to be together. Her logic? “Why would we [I] be going through all of these terrible things if we weren’t meant to be together”. As if the current challenge of being 100% loyal to and supportive of an emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive unfaithful man is somehow preparing her for this moment where she saves him, or changes him.

It seems she isn’t listening to reason or logic.
How do I help her though?

Dear Control What You Can Control,

As hard as it may be to understand, digest, or comprehend — we have no control over who our friends decide to date or marry. We all have different standards and expectations when it comes to selecting a significant other. Some of these standards seem relatively common and some are little off-base, but just because we are friends with someone, it doesn’t mean we all share the same expectations.

The best thing you can be for your friend is a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. If she comes to you for advice, give it. Be respectful. Come from a place a love. Make sure she knows you care. Everything else is completely up to her. We all have the power of choice. Choose wisely.

Love,

Mr. J

Dear Between A Rock A Hard Place,

I know your first instinct is to jump right in and rescue your friend from this man who has hurt her in every way and stripped her of any and all common sense. Unfortunately, It’s not your job to save her just like it’s not her job to save her relationally inept man. You cannot save someone who does not want / think they need to be saved.

This is not to say there is absolutely nothing you can do. You can love her and support her as an individual as much as you can. If you haven’t already, it’s okay to sit down and have a heart to heart with her and express why you are worried. Don’t attack her, she already gets enough of that. Avoid all smart ass comments, because if it comes down to her having to choose him or you, she will most likely choose him. You never want to feel like you should have said something. Say it all, but only say it once-unless she asks for your honest opinion later on down the road. Always be honest with her, she doesn’t need to be under the false pretense that you believe the lies she tells herself as well.

You are on the outside looking in, so it is very easy to say she’s delusional; which is probably accurate, but it’s not of her own accord. Men like that specialize in delusion. They are always saying things along the lines of “Baby you need me”, “you are nothing without me”, “nobody else will want you”, “if you go I will hurt somebody you love”, “if you leave me I’ll kill myself”, “if you leave me I will kill you”, “I want to marry you”, and of course there’s the “Don’t leave, I won’t do it again. I promise”. He might not be saying these exact words, but the sentiment is there.

You know the saying game recognizes game? Well, weak recognizes weak. I know you don’t want to hear it, but your best friend had a weakness and whatever it was her current weakling man recognized it and preyed on her vulnerability. Your job is to try your best to build her up and make her strong again without interfering with her relationship. Be a friend. I know it’s hard and I will pray for you both.

Love,

Miss J

*If you witness any physical abuse, it is more than okay to contact the police.*