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Industry X

Q: Dear Love Jays,

What is your stance on porn?

A: Dear X-Rated,

Porn as industry is causing much more harm than good – if any. Throughout my adolescent and teenage years, I was consuming porn several days a week. I first starting viewing it out of sheer curiosity, but then it became a habit. I attended an all-boys high school, so my only true outlet (up until I received my driver’s license) in satisfying my sexual appetite was through the internet. When I left for college, my consumption of porn dropped significantly, but I would still watch it a few times a month. Fast forward to today – I have given up porn completely and couldn’t be happier with my decision.

Aside from the COMPLETE degradation of women, porn take a subconscious grip of your mind and influences our actions. The way I viewed women, spoke to women, thought about women – it was primarily negative. Porn wasn’t the only factor in influencing these actions, but it definitely played a strong part. As I have become older, my views towards women have shifted dramatically and I can no longer seek to inspire and uplift young people while simultaneously subjecting myself to the enjoyment of porn.

I do not judge nor have ill-feelings towards anyone who consumes porn. I would challenge all of the men to hold themselves with higher regard and have more respect for women – and most importantly, yourself. And to the ladies who allow men to strip you of your self worth – realize the beauty and power you possess inside. No amounts of money or fame can ever fill the void of losing yourself.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Interesting Question, 

This is such a short, but loaded question. I will give you a short and hopefully less loaded answer. 

I don’t have any strong feelings in regards to porn. I would not encourage it, but I would not frown upon someone who watches it in their own time. 

When it comes to porn and relationships it is important to find out how your significant other feels about you watching it alone, you watching it together and/or them watching it alone. If it starts to interfere with your intimate time with your partner then chances are there is a larger problem. Nothing is good in excess. 

Love, 

Miss J 

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© LoveJays 2012

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AIDS Walk: Los Angeles

www.aidswalk.com

Hey Love Fans!

For those of you in the Los Angles/ Greater Los Angeles Area we wanted to let you know that tomorrow is the Los Angeles AIDS walk.

For information on how to register or just information in general, feel free to visit the website.

Love,

J&J

© LoveJays 2012

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Fire and Ice

Q: Dear Love Jays,

My mother and my boyfriend do not get along at all. I don’t want them to be best friends, but it would be nice to comfortably go to dinner or go over for holidays without any awkwardness! Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this monster-in-law situation??

A: Dear Water and Oil,

A key element in maintaining a successful and happy relationship is support from our friends and family. It’s human nature to seek support in most of our endeavors, so when we don’t get support (especially from those close to us), it typically makes matters a little more difficult.

It’s time to ask and analyze a very simple question, “Why don’t they get along?” I’m sure both parties have “valid” reasons for not getting along with each other, but it’s important that you sit down with each of them and get to the root of the issue. I’m unaware of how close you are with your mother, but if you consider her one of your closest friends and knowledgeable, I would pay close attention to what she is saying. People who reside in our inner circle typically have our best interest at heart 99.5% of the time and have the ability to often see with a little more clarity and unbiased(ness). I’m in no way downplaying your boyfriend’s opinion of the situation, so still take quality time in gathering his feelings.

Everyone involved in this dilemma is an adult and should act appropriately. Even if the two still can’t get along in the future and you decide to continue dating him, a level of respect needs to be established. Period. He shouldn’t disrespect your mother and vice versa. However, any man who will blatantly disrespect the mother of his girlfriend may have some issues of his own. I’m just saying…

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear It’s a Sticky Situation,

Sounds like you are in a pickle! Two of the people you love most in the world can’t get along, that’s never any fun. What you do have going for you is the fact that they both love you. How vocal have you been with the two of them in regards to how they interact makes you feel?

I have 2 suggestions; I do not know your mother and boyfriend so I feel the need to give you options.

My first suggestion would be to sit them down together and express how you feel and how you would like them to at least be cordial with one another. Tell them both how much you love them, and what you love about them while they are in the same room. Taking this approach can help in several ways.

1. They will both be able to see exactly how you feel about the other by experiencing the love you have for them first hand.
2. You will be saying exactly what you love about them, this may force them to look beyond how they feel and try to see the same good qualities you mentioned within each other.
3. It may give them a sense of camaraderie, they will have to work together to please you and as you know, they both love you. People tend they share a common goal, especially if they need the help of another to achieve it.

The second approach would be to talk to them individually. Don’t just bring it up casually, like you did not plan on talking. You need to let them each know just how important the subject is to you. Have a plan, have what you need to say laid out, and make sure you express exactly how you feel. Do not point the finger at one person or another and let each of them know it is going to have to be a collaborative effort. Tell both of them you will be/ have talked to the other person as well. Also, let them know that their disdain for each other has little effect on each of them, but has a huge effect on you. Neither of them will want to hurt you anymore. You just have to clearly express how you feel and put your foot down.

Side Note #1: Something for you to think about- why don’t they get along? In my experience when a parent and significant other can’t get along it’s due to a parent not being ready to let go, the significant other falling short of the parents expectations, or the parent not being a good parent in the past. It could be none of those things, and it could be some of them. Just some food for thought.

Side Note #2: I have always felt it is the responsibility of you/your significant other to develop a relationship/get along with your girlfriend/boyfriend’s parents. Parents need to be eased into meeting someone new who may be around forever. It is the job of your significant other to make that transition as painless as possible. Your boyfriend should never be anything less than respectful at all times no matter what is going on in his head. It is definitely ok for him to express how he feels to you and even to your mother, but it should always be in good taste.

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2012

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Something Special for my Man

Q: Dear Love Jays,

My boyfriend has been working so hard (with REALLY long hours) this month and has been a tad more stressed than usual. I want to do something extra special for him to help him unwind and have a little bit of fun. Any suggestions?

 A: Dear Thoughtful,

My suggestion would be to plan something flexible and relaxing. Since you said REALLY long hours I assume he is dead tired at the end of the day. He probably does not have the energy to do anything that requires extra effort. Instead I would suggest making the things he has to do anyway easier for him. For example, when he comes home you could have dinner ready( a man has to eat) and while he is eating run him a hot bath( a man has to get clean) , and after his bath you could give him a massage( just because you want to make him feel special). If he does not fall asleep during your massage you can have his favorite movie in the dvd player cued and ready to go. I say your plans need to be flexible because he may just want to get home and get in bed. With this type of plan, worst case scenario he just ends up having dinner for lunch the next day and you get to spare your hands from giving a massage!

Love,
Miss J

A: Dear A Little Something Special,

The great thing about being a man is our simplistic nature. It really doesn’t take much too please us, at all. We could have an ice cold beer while watching the game and be perfectly content and happy.

How does that ole’ proverb go: “The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” We love food, especially a delicious home-cooked meal! Take an entire afternoon/evening to prepare a very romantic 3-course dinner. If you don’t know how to cook, spend some quality time researching and don’t use it as an excuse. I can already see it…he walks through the door and you have on a nice dress with the lights dim and candles on the dining room table. The music is low and the wine is in a bucket of ice. The appetizers are ready to be served – the two of you indulge. Haha, okay that’s enough. I was low key getting hungry!

Follow up the dinner with a nice dessert and then spend some “quality time” with each other. I’ll leave the X-Rated thoughts and suggestions left up to you and the readers! Have fun!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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© LoveJays 2012