love jays Archives - Page 17 of 23 - Love Jays

February 28, 2013April 7, 2016

Online Dating?

Q: Dear Love Jays,

How do you feel about online dating?

A: Dear Love Online,

If you asked me this question a couple of years ago I probably would have said something like, “why would you sign up for a site when you can just go hang out somewhere and meet someone?” When you are in college, or in any type of school you are exposed to new faces all of the time.I didn’t understand how hard it is to meet people, especially when you are working all day every day.

Technology has found a way to work itself into most aspects of our lives, why not let it play a role in the dating game? I think it’s okay to meet someone online, but I do think that it is important to practice the following technique:

Make sure they are not a crazy person.
Make sure they are who they say they are.
Meet them in person (you don’t want to get Manti Te’od)
Meet in a public place-a very very public place
Go with your gut. Just because you meet someone through a site and everything lines up on paper does not mean you are going to have a magical connection in person. Know when to leave good enough alone.

Other than that, I think dating online will have a similar if not the same results as meeting someone at the local library. You will either like them and you will keep seeing each other or you wont. Just stay smart and be safe.

Love,

Miss J

Dear Internet Lovin’,

Technology has paved the way for humans to develop connections with friends or complete strangers in just about every way. It’s very easy to spend a couple of hours surfing through various different social media platforms and come across people who may catch our eye. If you love pictures or sharing thoughts in 140 characters or less, Twitter or Instagram #hashtags may connect you with people who have similar interests and hobbies. If those aren’t your thing, head on over to Facebook and scroll through your news feed or view a friends’ photo album hoping (intentionally or unintentionally) to stumble across one of their friends who “looks good”. If you haven’t done this at least once since creating an account, you’re lying.

What do all of these social media sites have in common? Each of them allow their users to directly communicate with one another; built-in messaging systems make introductions easy to whomever we see fit and give hope to those too afraid to speak with someone in person. And if you want to kick it up a notch, create a profile on one of the dozens of online dating sites.

Match.com. E-Harmony. Plenty of Fish. OkCupid. Zoosk. The list goes on.

The possibilities for meeting a potential love interest on the internet are virtually limitless and if you choose to go this route, I don’t see anything wrong. And neither should you or anyone else! The path to love is different for everyone and technology has only created more paths in finding it. As with everything on the internet, it’s important to exercise caution and a bit of common sense; the last thing you want is an appearance on the Katie Couric show explaining your Catfish story.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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February 26, 2013April 7, 2016

She Needs to Back Off!

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 months. We go to a few of the get-togethers that my friends have and everyone knows we are a couple. There is this girl who is not necessarily a friend of mine, but is a friend of a friend who is typically around in these social settings. I never had a problem with her, but lately I have noticed how she tries to get my boyfriend’s attention A LOT. There were times I noticed it and brushed it off because I trust my boyfriend, and also, I don’t want to be “that one” who thinks every female wants her man. The first time I noticed it I laughed because I couldn’t believe she was being extra, but then the next time it happened it was so blatantly obvious.

I guess my question is how do we deal with this kind of person. For me, the respect level is lacking and that’s where the frustrating part is coming from.

Dear Flirting With My Man,

Miss J told me loooong ago that women are naturally attracted to committed men. She went on to explain several reasons why this is indeed true, all of which made perfectly good sense. We have revisited the conversation a few times over the course of our relationship and it has helped make me more aware of womanly intentions.

Men love getting attention from women, myself included. Better yet, we all love getting attention from the opposite sex. Women just do a MUCH better job of explaining they aren’t interested or keeping it more low-key. The second option isn’t the recommended choice, but let’s not pretend we are all innocent.

Although we may dismiss some actions as just “friendly” or “playful”, most men can identify when a woman is looking to quench her thirst. The problem isn’t that we aren’t able to decipher such actions; the problem is that we often choose to ignore these signs which then lead to conflicts, arguments and hurt feelings.

“I, Mr. J, acknowledge my guilt and thank Miss J for communicating her feelings each and EVERY time.”

Advice on how handling these type of people?

Acknowledge their intentions.
Explain their intentions to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Remind your boyfriend or girlfriend to exercise common sense.
Check your boyfriend or girlfriend when they fail to exercise common sense.
Repeat steps 1-4

Cheers!

Mr. J

Dear Unwelcome Attention,

Men are more attractive when taken. I personally do not find myself extra attracted to a man who already has a woman, but many females do. I think it has something to do with knowing that man has the ability to be in a committed relationship. Very twisted way of thinking if you ask me, but hey, it is what it is.

Unfortunately, you cannot do anything to control what is going on outside of your relationship, but you do have a say for what goes on inside of your relationship. If this girl is really a problem speak to your boyfriend about it. Let him know you are not jealous and you trust him completely; however, her lack of respect for your relationship is bothersome. This is where the teamwork aspect of the relationship comes in. Once you bring her behavior to his attention you two can come up with a way to deal with her together.

Good Luck!

Love,

Miss J

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February 21, 2013April 7, 2016

Dating a Higher Up

Q: Hi, Love Jays!

How do you feel about dating co-workers, especially ones that are higher up than you? I’ve been flirting a lot with someone that I work with and it constantly feels like we are dancing around this line that we know we probably shouldn’t cross but want to. Any advice?

A: Dear Dating a Higher Up,

‘Tis the season for dating in the workplace!

I’ll get right to my thoughts and spare you of another long winded intro about the same topic we answered a few hours prior in a different post.

I’m definitely open to the idea of dating in the workplace and don’t think any less of those who use work as their primary feeding ground to pick up men or women. It’s easy and convenient; completely understand. On the flip side, I encourage people to exercise caution when deciding to date one of their co-workers, especially if they have a direct influence over you.

Say the two of you started dating, things go south, then he/she uses their position to make your job a nightmare. Would you be okay with such a consequence? It’s easy to overlook the negative outcomes when we’re blinded by our emotions.

Be honest with yourself. Do you enjoy working at your job? Can you see yourself here for many years? Are you willing to risk ruining a possible promotion? Does everyone know each other’s business? These are the types of questions you have to answer when deciding if the two you should start dating. If you weighed out the pros/cons and it feels like the right thing to do, go for it!

YOLO, right?

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Should I Date My Co-Worker,

To avoid being way to0 repetitive for one day, I will simply say “What Mr. J said.” 🙂

Good Luck!

Love,

Miss J

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February 21, 2013April 7, 2016

He’s My Co-Worker and He Might Have a Girlfriend…

Q: Dear Love Jays,

We all know the old adage:”Don’t shit where you eat.” But things are changing, right? Dating co-workers is… kind of okay, right? There’s this guy that I’ve recently started talking to and we’ve been working together on a couple of projects lately. On these projects, he’s a little bit more of my superior. Is that okay to date him? Also, he might possibly have a girlfriend. What is there to lose but at the same time, how invested do I really get?

A: Dear Co-Worker with a Girlfriend…Maybe,

I am going to keep this short and sweet. You said, “he might possibly have a girlfriend”. Stop there. Does he have a girlfriend, yes or no? That is a very important piece of information. If he does, you have everything to lose. I am going to tell you what a wise woman once told me. How you get a man is how you lose a man. You are more than welcome to be his friend, but have respect for his relationship. If you feel you are unable to do so, cease-fire.

Moving on, In my current workplace several of my co-workers are married and they met while working here. A workplace relationship can definitely work. With that said, if you are just looking for a fling/good time I would caution against it.

Hope this helps!

Love,

Miss J

A:Dear Dating in the Workplace,

Dating one of your co-workers is commonly frowned upon and often discouraged. Our place of employment is somewhere we go to make a decent living, improve upon our skill sets, and possibly make some new friends.

I’m sure we have all been told at one point or another to keep our work life and personal life separate; however, I find it a bit unrealistic to ask people to avoid letting the 40-50+ hours we spend with other people not to have some cross influence. I definitely agree there’s a definitive line of what we should/shouldn’t discuss with our co-workers nor fall victim into believing everyone we work with is a friend, but let’s acknowledge the simple fact that our work life and personal life aren’t 100% independent from one another.

Onto my opinion.

I’m definitely open to the idea of dating in the workplace, but if the person we are interested in dating has a direct influence on our day-to-day job and responsibilities, I would caution against it. Regardless of how “cool” our supervisors act or how laxed the work environment is designed, our place of employment is a business and we should exercise good sense when making certain decisions. How does the old saying go? “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” It’s very possible the two of you could end up dating without it negatively effecting your work situation, but you would be doing yourself a disservice by not assessing the consequences on both sides.

Oh, and to answer your question on what is there to lose…your job, maybe? Just a thought. It’s extreme and unlikely, I understand. Still, it’s something to think about! One more thing…let’s not forget to acknowledge the possibility that he may have a girlfriend.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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February 19, 2013April 7, 2016

The Attitude Problem

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Looking for advice on how to deal with the attitude/stubbornness aspect of a relationship.

A: Dear Attitude Adjustment,

Attitude is a learned behavior whereas stubbornness is typically a personality trait. They can both be worked on, but the person exhibiting the behavior has to be aware and motivated to change.

Let’s start with the attitude problem. More often than not, it does not take long for a nasty attitude to rear its ugly head. Those who possess this quality are usually quick to use it. Big issue or small issue, you will usually get a neck roll or two. The first step is to bring awareness to the issue in a non-accusatory tone. Try saying something like, “When you speak to me like _____ , it makes it hard for me to receive what you are saying because ______”. Calmly let them respond, and prepare for just a little more attitude. If your partner is reasonable (hopefully) they will digest what you said and apply it next time. The second step is to repeat. This can be a process and you will probably have to talk about it more than once, just remember to stay calm and always come from a loving (not frustrated) place every time you speak about it.

Stubbornness can be a little more difficult to deal with. Sometimes it can be good to be stubborn and sometimes it can be really bad. Because the reward is different each time, it makes it difficult for the person with this personality trait to know when it’s appropriate and when to leave it at home. No one should ever just roll over and do what someone else says to do within a relationship or otherwise. However, it is important to compromise. If your mate is stubborn but you guys are always able to come to an agreement, then I would say you are fine. If the stubbornness gets in the way of you ever finding middle ground then you may be dealing with a “my way or the highway” type. If this is the case, your best bet is to (again) speak to them calmly while they are exhibiting such behavior. Do not make it sound like a “bad” thing or a “flaw”. Just let them know you appreciate he/she is strong willed, but you really need to come to an agreement and it would be great if he/she could meet you half way. Leave them with their thoughts and let them approach you later when they are ready.

Hope this helps!

Love,

Miss J

Dear Managing Attitude,

Growing up, I was the kid who always copped an attitude; if things weren’t going my way, I made it a point to let everyone know I wasn’t happy. As a result, I was forever getting in trouble at school or finding myself on the tail end of a good whooping from my father. Years and years passed, yet I still didn’t have a solid grip on how to control my attitude. Let’s be clear, I wasn’t bad, destructive or abusive (I know some of you were judging); I just had a difficult time keeping my mouth shut!

Fortunately, Miss J came along and help put my attitude right in its place. She effectively communicated how I would hurt her feelings by saying or doing certain things and simply would not tolerate my childish behavior. She wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary, but seeing someone you truly care for upset over your actions isn’t the most rewarding feeling. It’s also important to note that true change is only possible when a person is committed to making a change.

If your partner’s attitude or behavior is causing a rift in your relationship, it’s absolutely critical to communicate your feelings. They may know it’s a problem, yet if they aren’t fully aware of the consequences, chances are very likely business will continue per usual. Relationship maintenance isn’t always fun, but it is indeed necessary.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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February 2, 2013April 7, 2016

Mr. J’s Special Day

Hello Everyone!

Today is a very special day. Guess why? Yep, that’s right, it’s Mr. J’s birthday! Yay!

As some of you may remember for my 23rd birthday Mr. J wrote 23 facts, feelings and whatever else came to mind about me. So for his 24th, I wanted to return the favor. So without further aduie, I present to you 24 random things about Mr. J.

Mr. J is one of the kindest people I have ever met. He really cares about the wellbeing of others and never hesitates to help a person in need.
Mr. J is one of the most genuine people I know. He is not one to fake anything. If you ask, he will tell you exactly how he feels; good, bad or indifferent.
Mr. J likes monkeys just as much as I do, even though he would never admit it.
Mr. J lets me call him “Monkey”.
Mr. J has to put things back where he got them from. Always.
Mr. J moans when he eats.
Mr. J’s default volume is “loud”. If you are within a mile radius of him you will know. He’s the tall guy shouting at the person directly across from him as if they are 50 yards apart.
Mr. J does not fit in rides at Knott’s Berry Farm because his legs are too long.
Mr. J can do the dougie and secretly loves when the song comes on at social gatherings so he can “hit his dougie” for the crowd.
Mr. J is the most supportive friend. He will be your number one fan.
Mr. J will do anything for the people he loves and probably just as much for someone he hardly knows.
If Mr. J has been sitting for a long time he stands up like an old man because his knees are bad.
Mr. J enjoys a good two-step. (old man tendencies die hard)
Mr. J was team captain of his basketball team in college & he was (and still is) a beast on the court.
Mr. J dunks on people while staring them in the eye.
Mr. J will have a long/deep conversation with a stranger. He will genuinely be interested in everything they have to say and then be perfectly content never seeing or talking to the again after said conversation is over.
Mr. J can successfully pull a boot off of a woman’s foot.
Mr. J is a lingerer. If you plan on leaving somewhere at a decent time, he is not the person to ride with. He is usually either among the last to leave or the very last person to leave.
Mr. J wears a size 15 shoe and has huge hands – No subtext. I am literally just saying he has big hands and feet.
Mr. J always announces when he has to go number two. And if he is really comfortable with you, he WILL leave the door open while doing so.
Mr. J will dance with me when there is no music playing.
Mr. J always knows how to put a smile on my face.
Mr. J never ceases to amaze me. Everyday I discover something else about him that is just as awesome as he is as a whole.
Mr. J is my best friend. He is truly just an honest to goodness great person. He cares for people and looks out for them. His ultimate dream is to lead a life of service to those in need, who could not love that?

I love you babe, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Love,

Miss J

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