In this week’s episode, we were joined by the Christelyn Karazin, founder of Beyond Black & White. We discussed Jason Collins and homosexuality, the friend zone, interracial dating, dating in the black community, and the development of the “new black woman”.
Love,
J&J
In this week’s episode, we were joined by the stars of YouTube’s newest hit series, “How Men Become Dogs.” We discussed dating someone with differing values, dating a broke man, and of course…how men become dogs!
Love,
J&J
What’s your opinion on two people being in a long-term relationship where they have very different values?
Values are at our core. The way we think, act, or speak all boils down to our value system. Most values are developed from our religious beliefs or lack thereof, and we tend to hold very, very strongly to these convictions (sometimes to a fault). When engaging with someone whose values contradict our own, we often times distance ourselves or participate in never-ending arguments on why each other’s beliefs are “correct”. Don’t believe me? Take a look at Congress and formulate your own opinions.
While differing opinions make life interesting, formulating a long-term relationship with some whose values are “very different” may prove risky, especially when children get involved. I refuse to put someone down for believing in something differently than me, but why put myself in a situation where I’m continually left defending my point of view and subjecting myself to criticism?
Relationships are built on people. If values are at the core of every person, how can we build a strong relationship with someone whose foundation isn’t cut from the same material? It’s not impossible and there are exceptions to all rules, but compromising WHO we are shouldn’t be a relationship requirement.
Love,
Mr. J
Jumping straight in…
Your values are at your core, who you are is based upon what you believe in. On every level, not just when it comes to religion. It’s okay for two people to have value systems that are similar, but slightly differ. You can work with that.
Now, in your case you are saying you have “very different values”, this leads me to believe there are very little similarities, if any at all. The saying “opposites attract” is valid, but only when speaking of hobbies and interest. Your values don’t have to be identical, but they should be pretty darn close. I would think it would be hard to be with someone, long-term or otherwise, who stands for everything you don’t.
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2013
My fiance goes out to bars and stuff. Recently, I saw him texting a female who he said is just a friend. What is your view on guys having females as friend who they meet after already being in a relationship.
Developing new friendships of the opposite sex, while in a relationship, can often be a bit tricky. We are naturally attracted to like-minded people and it’s impossible to completely “turn-off” our friendly demeanor because we are in a committed relationship. We have all met some of our friends at the most random of places or times, yet that is the beauty of life and these friendships.
I’ve always been an active proponent for developing new friendships throughout our various stages of life; however, it is very important to exercise common decency and respect when developing new friendships. Our intentions may be completely innocent and pure, but those same intentions may not be reciprocated by the other person. Miss J has often expressed that women are more attracted to men who are in relationships because it shows that these men have the capability of committing. As much as I have tried ignoring this statement, it has proven to be true more times than not.
I’m not against making new friends of the opposite sex, but it’s critical to make your significant other aware of this newly formed friendship. If introducing the two would cause a problem, chances are very likely this “friendship” probably shouldn’t exist.
Love,
Mr. J
My initial response is to say there is no such thing as a new female friend. Yea…that’s about it.
There should be no one-on-one hanging out. Texting is okay, but not in length.
“Hey, what time is the mandatory meeting tomorrow?”
*his response should be short and sweet and as should hers.
“Hey, how was your day? I was bummed in that meeting at work today, but then I saw you and it made me smile. xoxo”
Good Luck!
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2013
Happy Monday!
In this week’s episode, we discussed text messaging in the dating world, the importance of father-daughter/son relationships, and the perfect picnic basket. We were joined by Dominic Riley, Co-Host of Forkin’ Amazing on TradioV and Mr. J’s brother.
Love,
J&J
Have a question for the Love Jays?
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All of my girlfriends friends are wild. They cheat on their boyfriends and are always trying to get with other guys. They encourage her to be unfaithful and wild like them. They undermine our relationship and disrespect it. What do I do?
Let me get this straight, ALL of her friends are wild, every last on of them? And she is the only angel?
I am not saying she is guilty of cheating or being wild herself, I am just simply curious as to why your girlfriend would hang out with an entire group of girls who are ALL wild and cheat.
Friends, in my experience, often share qualities we either posses or admire. Every once in a while we have a friend or two who are completely different from the others, but for the most part your real friends all have something in common with you and something in common with each other. There is always a trend.
You are saying in your girlfriend’s case the trend is that her friends are wild and cheat. It can be argued, based on my observations, that your girlfriend either possesses or admires these traits. I am not pointing fingers, just saying it’s something to consider.
It is not up to you to “fix” the problem. She has to be the one to seek out healthier friendships and terminate the friendships she currently has. You can express how you feel, but when doing this it would probably be best not to have an accusatory tone. Approach her calmly and lay it all out. DO NOT tell her she “can’t” hang out with them anymore, if you do your conversation WILL backfire. The rest is up to her.
If she decides to make changes* based on your conversation, great. If not, you have to decide how you feel about that and decide what you are and are not willing to deal with.
*a change may not necessarily mean she is no longer friends with the girls, it just may mean she hangs out a little less and maybe seeks out some new friendships as well. Be willing to compromise!
Love,
Miss J
Friendships are vital in all of our lives and the company we keep is a direct reflection on us. If you were to select your five closest friends and have a person (who only knew you) talk with them for an hour, that person should leave the room and be able to piece together the reasons why they are your friends.
If your girlfriend is hanging around people who are “wild” and undermine and disrespect their relationships, it may say something about her personality. I’m definitely not saying she acts similarly to her friends, but there is no doubting that our friends help influence our behaviors and actions. If your girlfriend values and respects your relationship, spending time with people who care less about it is probably not the best idea. In my close circle of male friends, I’m the only one who has been in a long-term, committed relationships. And guess what? None of them have encouraged me to disrespect Miss J in any form or fashion and are always there to support.
At one point, your girlfriend’s friends may have been in alignment with her state of mind. But as we mature, our goals and priorities shift, which then causes us to reexamine the company we keep and requires us to make some changes. If you believe these friends could be toxic to her and your relationship, it’s time to speak with your girlfriend and express your concern. Remember, you have NO RIGHT to tell her who she can/cannot be friends with, so it’s important not to attack.
Once your feelings have been expressed, the ball is in her court and she has to decide if these friendships are worth keeping. Regardless of how much you may dislike her friends, they are her friends and you have to respect her decision.
Love,
Mr. J
