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Budding Office Romance

Q: Dear Love Jays,

A few months ago I started working in a new office on the 7th floor of a 10 story office building (point being, it’s not a huge building).  My first day I took the walkway on the south side of the building; I looked up and saw two men in an office on the second floor – one guy must have been telling a hilarious story because he was in the doorway making extremely grand running motions with an awful face while the guy at the desk was laughing hysterically.  I couldn’t help myself so I pointed and laughed.  The ‘running-man’ (if you will) was mortified and the guy at the desk turned and gave me a huge thumbs up, and I also happened to find extremely attractive.  That was three months ago.  Two months ago I received my assigned parking spot on the north side of the building… I go way out of my way to walk by this cute guy’s office and every morning we exchange an enthusiastic wave and smile (almost always initiated by him).  I have an extremely outgoing personality and a healthy dose of confidence so I have no problem approaching guys… I have no idea what to do in this situation though!  Go full on Love Actually and write ‘Lunch?’ on a poster board?  Stop by the second floor on my way up to my office?  Or just let it be… I mean he could come out there too ya know???  I feel like I’m already going out of my way just to smile and wave at him… anything beyond that just feels wicked desperate.

Sincerely,
Not Desperate, Just Curious

A: Dear Full of Waves and Smiles,

The enthusiasm exuding from your fingers as you typed this question makes it very apparent on what you really want to do! I’m not the most visually creative person in this world, but I’m pretty sure you painted a perfect picture of what your morning, office routine consists of. Kudos!

You are a self-proclaimed big personality with a healthy dose of confidence, so why haven’t you made a funny, reckless attempt at casually inviting the guy to lunch? The two of you clearly met during a goofy moment and most likely have similar personalities, so in my eyes, the two of you have been waiting for the other to make the first move! I’m always in full support of just calling a man’s bluff. Walk into his office and say, “It’s been three months and we still haven’t had coffee? Help me understand.” Okay, that might be a little too aggressive, but you get the gist. Use your personality and confidence to your advantage!

If coffee turns into lunch, then lunch into dinner – you can thank me. If it goes wrong…at least you won’t have to walk out of your way any longer!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear the Man in the Window,

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story/question. Sounds like you have some eye candy to look forward to every morning. If that is not motivation to get out bed to go to work, I do not know what is!

You sound like a rational, outgoing and go getter type of girl. So I say go get it! This does not mean you have to go up there and full on ask him on a date, but you can definitely go up and introduce yourself. Find a way to bring up exchanging phone numbers or maybe even exchange your work email. You are both clearly mutually interested in greeting each other every morning, put the hook out there and see if he takes the bait! Good luck 🙂

Love,

Miss J

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Is it Too Late?

Q: Dear Love Jays,

What do you do when you start falling for the guy you turned down a couple years ago? Is it too late?

A: Dear On Second Thought…,

 Just for fun, I can only imagine the conversation in your head went a little something like this…

“Wait, am I starting to like this guy?”

“A few years ago, I had no interest in him!”

“This can’t be happening.”

“I wonder if he even remembers me turning him down?”

“Should I say something?”

“I can’t believe it…I think I really do like this guy. This will be interesting.”

Even if I’m completely off-base, let’s be honest – you enjoyed reading it just as much I as enjoyed playing it out in my own head. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that…don’t judge me!

It’s almost never too late for a woman to seek after a man, even if she turned him down a few years ago. Grant it, if he is engaged to be married or already married, chances are cloud-level high it’s a little too late. But, I’m going to assume that is not the case since you submitted this question.

As years pass, we are constantly changing for the better and in some cases, for the worst. A few years ago, you were not interested in this young man for some reason(s), but he has obviously matured (personally, physically, mentally and emotionally) in a way that has made you attracted to him. There is no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed of your change of heart because a solid amount of time has passed. The good news for you – he was attracted to you at some point, so I’m sure there is still some reserved feelings left in him somewhere. The biggest step in progressing forward was acknowledging your feelings for this man, so all this is left is to swallow your pride and progress forward in those feelings.

Understand, the shoe is now on the other foot and he is in the driver’s seat! As the say, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.” Make it happen!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear From Rejection to Affection, 

It is never too late for love. Period. I know that is an extremely dramatic statement, but it is true! Plus, it does not hurt he is a man and this is the moment he has been waiting for. I would say most men, not all, secretly wait for the day when the woman they were once rejected by realizes how great of a guy he really is. Congratulations, you have now become his dream come true!

All that aside, make sure you are really into the guy. Nothing hurts worse than being rejected not once, but twice. Double check to see if the reasons you rejected him the first time are not still prevalent today.  You want to KNOW what you are feeling is real and not a result of time passed and dwindling attention. Sometimes when someone who admires us pulls away we mistake missing the attention for missing the actual person who was giving it to us.

If that is not the case, then more power to you! Be willing to be vulnerable, and prepare to be patient. He may go into it with caution because he has been rejected by you before or he may jump right in because he has been waiting for you for so long. In any case best of luck!

Love,

Miss J

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Getting to Know You

Q: Dear Love Jays,

There’s a guy I met at a party a couple of weeks and ended up talking to for a lot of the time. I don’t see him much, even though we’re in the same program (at a university) but we really hit it off and I’m now debating whether it’s something I should pursue. I really enjoyed being with him and we run into each other every now and then, but it’s only for a short while. I feel almost like I’d have to work really hard to see him and I just don’t know which route to take. I want to get to know him better but how? I feel like it may be too soon to ask him out just a simple coffee date or something since we don’t know each other that well.

A: Dear Miss Timid,

What is there to debate?

You met a young man who obviously caught your eye, the two of you really hit it off, both of you are in the same program at the same university and you really enjoy being with him?? Sounds like four really strong reasons to invite him on a little coffee date!

A simple coffee date is relatively harmless and coffee shops create a great environment for casual conversation. I understand it has only been a few weeks, but sitting around waiting for “the right time” to ask him to join you for coffee seems like a complete waste. I’m pretty confident most men are not concerned about any type of date being “too soon”, especially if it is the woman who is asking.

Next time you see him on campus engage him in small talk then extend the invite. As for getting to know him better, start with your similarities. What made you decide to study at this university? Why did you choose this program? Are you involved in any extracurricular activities on campus? What are some of your hobbies? These four questions alone should jump start the conversation and lead you down a pretty informal, informational conversation about each other.

Put your cute clothes on and do what women do best – attract men!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear A Simple Coffee Date, 

I think a simple coffee/yogurt/smoothie date is an excellent idea! It’s not often we find people we genuinely click with. When you find someone you want to get to know better there is no such thing as “too soon” , but there is a such thing as wasting time. Don’t waste yours.

I don’t think it needs to be a “date” per-say, just try to keep it as simple as possible. Maybe one day after class mention you are going for coffee and ask if he wants to join, if he has somewhere to go say something to let him know the offer stands and you would like to go soon. Just give him enough to let him know your interested, but hold back enough to leave him wanting to get to know you more.

Leave the asking of the “big date” up to him. Best of Luck!

Love,

Miss J

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Feedback for the Love Jays

Hello Love Fans!

It has come to our attention that you guys are looking for ways to submit questions with total anonymity.  From now on, each post will include a text box linked to our email account that will allow you to ask questions without us (or anyone else)  knowing who you are!

Also, we want your feedback. What do you guys want us to write about? Don’t be shy, let us know! You may submit any feedback using the ‘Submit Questions Anonymously’ box as well. Have a blessed day!

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Love,

J&J

© LoveJays 2012

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Relationship Friends

Q: Dear Love Jays,

All of my friends are in a relationship and they are constantly trying to set me up. I love my friends, but I am getting tired of always having to find a date when we all hang out. Should I get new friends or is this something that will eventually subside?

A: Dear My Friends Need to Relax,

Whoa! Let’s just take a moment and take a few deep breaths…Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Feel better?

It’s difficult being the lone ranger when all of your friends are in a relationship. Each of you are experiencing two completely different realities and that’s perfectly okay! The single life gives you the freedom to grow and mature as an individual, go on adventures and try new things, date different people, make bad decisions and not really worry about the consequences and most importantly – being single gives you the freedom to have fun!

Have you sat down with your friends and really expressed how you feel when it comes to their actions? I’m confident that your friends aren’t coming from a bad place, but sometimes, friends need to be reminded when to lay-off a bit. Communication is key! Be open and honest. If they are your real friends, each of them will completely respect how you feel and cease trying to “hook you up” every other second.

If all of your friends are in a relationship, I would encourage you to seek out some additional friends (notice I didn’t say “new”). Let’s be honest, you just can’t do everything you may want with friends who are in committed relationships!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Overbearing Friends, 

Ouch, that is a pickle.

First let me attempt to explain what the situation may be on behalf of your friends.

When you are in a relationship and loving it, you feel as if you have seen the light of day. All you want to do is spread the good news, of course the first people you want to experience what you are experiencing are your friends and loved ones. Being single and happy becomes a myth in the minds of those who are in a good relationship as memories of being single fade. They think “I thought I was happy before this, but I had NO IDEA what I was really missing”. Your friends have good intentions, but unfortunately it does not change the fact they are becoming a pain in your butt.

You are single and for the purpose of this post you are loving it and they do not understand. Your job is to make them understand. Talk to them, either one by one or in a group and let them know how you feel. Tell them they will be the first people you come to when you are looking to be set up, but until then they need to chill out.

I do think it would benefit you to start hanging out with other people who are also enjoying the single market just to take the pressure off; however I do not think it is necessary to completely drop your current group of “in a relationship”  friends. It is healthy to have different friends for different occasions. Good luck!

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2012