Q: Dear Love Jays,
My boyfriend drives me straight up crazy sometimes with his tendencies to procrastinate and give up easily when there are obstacles instead of using his brain to figure out a solution. Is this something that he’s ever likely to just grow out of and man up???
A: Dear My Man Quits too Easily:
It’s rare to mix “man” and “quit” in the same sentence. From a young age, boys are groomed to never quit and always fight through adversity. I can vividly recall the countless number of times my drill sergeant-esque father would shout (if you know my father, you understand shouting is his ONLY method of communication) in my direction any time my body language suggested that I was ready to give up regardless if I was on the court or completing a homework assignment. As with most men who experienced the same childhood lessons preached by dad, we were almost programmed to never let the world get the best of us.
Unfortunately, not all boys have the privilege of receiving such invaluable lessons at an early age. Growing up could have been easy. Maybe he didn’t have work hard to accomplish his goals or he knew how to “get his way” when the going got tough. Who knows. I firmly believe parenting styles have a DYNAMIC effect on the way boys mature into men and how they approach life in general.
I’m not quite sure where I am going with this response, but it seems like I wanted to vent for a little bit. In regards to your boyfriend, I am confident he will eventually grow out of his childish ways and take a mature approach to challenges. It just may take a little longer than you anticipated. Consider his background and find ways to encourage him. You can always pull his man card – we hate when it happens, but when pulled appropriately, we will do everything in our power to make sure it doesn’t happen again!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Oober Frustrated,
Ok, let’s start with the procrastination factor. I am queen procrastinator. Not because I am lazy, but because there is a whole list of things I’d rather do. Call it irresponsible if you will, well actually yea call it irresponsible because that is what it is. The older I get the better I am with doing things right away. I still do not like it and my natural instinct says to put it off , but I know now that I am “grown” I have to act like it. I think this may be the case with your boyfriend. He just needs to suffer the consequences of procrastination a couple times. I mean real consequences; I’m talking he misses out on something he really really wanted, or having to pay so large a sum that he has to pick up extra work. It is going to have to be extreme. If he has been procrastinating his whole life there is a reason why…because it has worked in his favor!
And now as to the “giving up” try to encourage him. People typically quit out of fear. Something else to consider is that he simply could have just changed his mind. Sometimes you have to put something down in order to reach for something greater. Just a thought!
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012