Q: Dear Love Jays,
How do you know if you are just going through a rough patch in your relationship or if it is time to give up and move on?
A: Dear Stay or Leave,
Deciphering between a “rough patch” or “the beginning of the end” may be the toughest internal conflict to deal with in regards to a serious relationship.
All relationships experience rough patches – ALL! Ever encounter those couples who say, “Everything is great! We have no complaints and are absolutely in love!”? Side eye. If you have been in a long-term relationship (18 months or longer) and haven’t experienced a rough patch, I don’t believe you or you’re lying. Only two options.
The easiest way to help solve this problem is to reflect on the number of rough patches that have occurred within the last 6-12 months of your relationship. If you and your partner have been spending more time arguing, irritated or unhappy rather than enjoying each other’s company, chances are it may be time to move on. Relationships shouldn’t be a burden. It should NEVER feel like a chore. Relationships are supposed to be fun. As I have mentioned in previous posts, relationships require work, but the work should be enjoyable!
Maybe it’s time to have “The Talk”. Express your concerns and why you are unhappy. Ask if he feels the same. After the conversation, decide what is the best plan of action. Listen to your heart. You can stay, you can leave. Just don’t deceive yourself.
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Never a Right Time to Say Goodbye,
Yikes, that’s a tough one!
A rough patch can be an internal conflict, or something that has to do directly with your partner. It is important to first decipher which of those it really is.
The real difference between a rough patch and “The End” is whether or not you decide to call it quits.
In reality a rough patch can last for years, there are plenty of people who sit in stagnant relationships. It takes both parties to get out of a rut, if you both aren’t willing to participate then you will both be sitting in it.
Of course there will always be ups and downs, thats a given. There is no way to escape it, whenever you have two individuals make a commitment together there are bound to be some bumps along the way; but that’s just it you two have made a COMMITMENT TOGETHER. There may be moments when one person is pulling more weight than the other because of a life event, but other than that you should be even keeled.
On a personal level, if you feel you can no longer grow with a person and you have been unhappy and unpleasant to be around for an extended period of time then it is probably a good idea to immerse yourself into some serious introspection. What are you missing and is it something your partner can help you obtain? If not then it is probably best for you and your significant other if you take some time apart.
If there is abuse of ANY kind, end it. That is no rough patch, that is a rough person and it is not your job to fix them. Move on.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012