Q: Dear Love Jays,
So I met this really nice, cute, intelligent , good personality, the list could go on type of guy. We haven’t been talking very long but so far things have been going good. Here is the catch I just recently found out that his good friend is a guy I sort of hooked up with u can say . what do I do? Do I tell him or just let them figure it out?
A: Dear I kind-of sort-of hooked up with his friend:
The most important factor in this question is the following: how long ago did you hook up with his friend? If it was a few months ago – who cares! If we are talking a few days ago or maybe even a few weeks ago, that may raise a few eyebrows.
One-and-done hookups typically don’t mean much (for some people at least), so it should be safe to say that none of this is an issue and bringing it up for conversation would serve almost no purpose. I must admit though, men are territorial and tend to gossip more than women, so if the hookup was good or bad, I’ll bet the house your current interest will probably know about it! Just sit back, relax and carry-on things as normal. If he brings it up – discuss it; I’m sure the conversation won’t last longer than 10 seconds!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear What he Doesn’t Know,
Yes, you have to tell him! If you don’t, best believe his friend will. It is man code. A female will sit and watch her friend fall in love with a guy she hooked up with without saying a word, but a man…forget about it. In fact, he may already know. The sooner you tell him the better. The longer you go without telling him the more it will make you look bad when the truth comes out and believe me the truth WILL eventually come out. It always does. It doesn’t have to be a long convo, just sit him down and let him know. You don’t have to go into all the gory details. Chances are whether he knows or not he will appreciate you being up front. Good Luck!
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012
I am with Mr. J. You do not have to tell him. It will actually make things more difficult and a bigger problem will arise. Men need to be eased in to situations. Our first conversations are to get to know you and fantasize on how great you are. Thinking that you “hooked up” with one of our friends ruins that “fantasy”. I say that you should tell him when the honeymoon phase is over. By that point not only has he earned the right to get that level of discloser but by then you are thinking about a more serious relationship and it would be essential. Good luck in whatever you choose.
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I am with Mr. J. You do not have to tell him. It will actually make things more different. A bigger problem will arise if you do. Men need to be eased in to situations slower than women. Our first conversations are to get to know you and fantasize on how great you are. Thinking that you “hooked up” with one of our friends ruins that fantasy. I saw that you should tell him when the honeymoon is over. By that point not only has he earned the right to get that level of discloser but by then you are thinking about a more serious relationship and it would be essential. Good luck in whatever you choose.
What’s done in the dark will surely come to light!! This is a must tell situation, whether it happend two days ago or two years ago. The longer you wait, the more ackward the sitution and relationship will become. Relationship between you and your boyfriend, the boyfriend and the best friend, the best friend and you. Also, if the tables flipped ypu would want to know. Don’t let this be that diety little secret that comes out at your bachelorette party…TELL!
Good advice your right! Plus, she doesn’t know if these two guy’s are gross and they know the whole time and are just talking about her. She need’s to bite the bullet. You don’t tell in some situations but this isn’t one of them. If he is the man you want to be with he will get over it and realize that things happen and your worth it. If he doesn’t then..NEXT! At least you got to know before things got serious. BUT if you cheated and the two of them are still hanging out, then one of his friends might be taking all this to the weird level. 1. Tell 2. Sorry don’t tell and if what’s his face tattles on your man you deny deny deny. Sometimes telling hurts the person but only relieves of of our selfish guilt.