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Industry X

Q: Dear Love Jays,

What is your stance on porn?

A: Dear X-Rated,

Porn as industry is causing much more harm than good – if any. Throughout my adolescent and teenage years, I was consuming porn several days a week. I first starting viewing it out of sheer curiosity, but then it became a habit. I attended an all-boys high school, so my only true outlet (up until I received my driver’s license) in satisfying my sexual appetite was through the internet. When I left for college, my consumption of porn dropped significantly, but I would still watch it a few times a month. Fast forward to today – I have given up porn completely and couldn’t be happier with my decision.

Aside from the COMPLETE degradation of women, porn take a subconscious grip of your mind and influences our actions. The way I viewed women, spoke to women, thought about women – it was primarily negative. Porn wasn’t the only factor in influencing these actions, but it definitely played a strong part. As I have become older, my views towards women have shifted dramatically and I can no longer seek to inspire and uplift young people while simultaneously subjecting myself to the enjoyment of porn.

I do not judge nor have ill-feelings towards anyone who consumes porn. I would challenge all of the men to hold themselves with higher regard and have more respect for women – and most importantly, yourself. And to the ladies who allow men to strip you of your self worth – realize the beauty and power you possess inside. No amounts of money or fame can ever fill the void of losing yourself.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Interesting Question, 

This is such a short, but loaded question. I will give you a short and hopefully less loaded answer. 

I don’t have any strong feelings in regards to porn. I would not encourage it, but I would not frown upon someone who watches it in their own time. 

When it comes to porn and relationships it is important to find out how your significant other feels about you watching it alone, you watching it together and/or them watching it alone. If it starts to interfere with your intimate time with your partner then chances are there is a larger problem. Nothing is good in excess. 

Love, 

Miss J 

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© LoveJays 2012

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How Fast is Too Fast?

Q: Dear Love Jays,
How fast is too fast to have sex?

A: Dear Fast Lane:

Sex is an intimate act that should be shared exclusively for two people who genuinely love and care for each other. Unfortunately, sex has become the understood way of communicating how we feel for another person. We sometimes struggle to articulate our feelings through words or actions, so we use sex to help us express how we feel inside.

Miss J and I are an open book when it comes to our relationship, so I’m going to share something very personal. Miss J and I were sexually active throughout our entire relationship (4+ years), until God placed it on our hearts to try celibacy a few months ago. I vividly remember when the thought first crossed my mind, yet my selfishness refused to bring it up. About 2 weeks later, Miss J sat me down and proposed we remain celibate for 40 days. Our 40 days ended on July 14 and we have continued on our celibacy path until we get married. The last 3 months has forced me to find new ways of expressing my love to Miss J and most importantly, it makes my mind and spirit feel at peace.

I’m sure celibacy is out of the question for many of you, so if you decide to have sex, I strongly encourage you to analyze your level of commitment to the person and act accordingly. Believe it or not, sex complicates more than it helps us to understand. Trust the feelings in your heart and do what you feel is right!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear How Will I know, 

I do believe this is our very first sex question…Thanks for bringing it up!

Sex is not to be taken lightly; although television, music, and pop culture suggests otherwise. A little while back I may have told you to wait at least 3 dates, or when you feel comfortable. Sex is now categorized as a casual and necessary thing to do no matter what your status is. It allows for things such as the “three date rule” to exist, and the porn industry to thrive in a time of economic turmoil. All the while we are all sitting around like it is completely normal and acceptable. I was in the same bubble up until a couple of months ago and let me tell you, boy have my eyes have been opened!

The three date rule is accepted as a solid answer to the ‘when to have sex question’ because of three things:

1. As a man: you have now spent money and time with a female 3 times, she owes you.

2. As a woman: a man has now spent money and time with you 3 times, you owe him.

3. You are both unbelievably horny by this point.

The list may make sense to you but I challenge you to wait even longer. I know celibacy is not for everyone, I am not even going to go there. What I will say is  wait until you really get to know the person. Give time for you both to become invested to the point you both care about the other person’s well-being (emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually). Yes, I am aware that will take TIME and a lot of WORK ;hence why I said INVEST. Without sex you will discover quickly whether or not a person is worth getting to know beneath the surface.

So there you have it, it’s too fast if there is no investment. And remember, you are worth the investment too!

Good luck,

Love,

Miss J

© LoveJays 2012