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Feedback for the Love Jays

Hello Love Fans!

It has come to our attention that you guys are looking for ways to submit questions with total anonymity.  From now on, each post will include a text box linked to our email account that will allow you to ask questions without us (or anyone else)  knowing who you are!

Also, we want your feedback. What do you guys want us to write about? Don’t be shy, let us know! You may submit any feedback using the ‘Submit Questions Anonymously’ box as well. Have a blessed day!

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*By submitting your question to the love jays you grant them the right to publish your question and the answer  in all media.

Love,

J&J

© LoveJays 2012

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Miss J’s Special Day

I’m sure some of you are wondering, “Where are the questions? It’s Thursday!” You’re right – it is Thursday (September 6th), but today, I’m going to do something a little different. At this very moment, in some place around the world, it is September 7th…what’s the significance? Glad you asked. September 7th is Miss J’s 23rd birthday!!

In celebration of her birthday, I’m going to share 23 facts, feelings and whatever else comes to mind about this beautiful woman who has been my support system for the last 4.5 years!

1. Miss J is single-handedly the most selfless and loving person I know. She is willing to do 1,000,000 things for other people before she even considers herself. If any of you are fortunate to call Miss J “friend”, you know you will always have someone in your corner through the highs and the lows.

2. Miss J has more energy than most 5-year-olds. Seriously. Dull moments rarely exist in her presence.

3. Miss J laughs at the MOST inappropriate times. If you suffer a tragic loss, don’t come to her because she may laugh in your face. She means no harm, I promise. She just has horrible reactions!

4. Miss J sleeps with an eye-mask.

5. Miss J is in love with love. Love is her passion (hence the blog).

6. Miss J is deathly afraid of snails. Yes, snails. Her reason is valid, so don’t judge too much.

7. Miss J’s newest hobby is painting.

8. Miss J can stick her stomach out to make it look like she is pregnant. Makes me uncomfortable and nervous every time.

9. Miss J is obsessed with spinach. She eats a bowl of it for lunch or dinner at least 3 times a week.

10. Miss J looooooves monkeys. It’s beyond an obsession.

11. Miss J is an amazing woman of God. Her faith and love for the Lord is undeniable and genuine.

12. Miss J is a BEAUTIFUL dancer who was trained by Miss Debbie Allen.

13. Miss J wishes she lived in a nudest society.

14. Miss J’s favorite channel is Disney.

15. Miss J is a hoarder. Her hoarding mixed with my OCD often leads to anxiety filled conversations weekly!

16. Miss J is a Harry Potter nerd!

17. Miss J will cut you off mid-sentence without thinking twice. Just ask my best friend.

18. Miss J always announces when she is about to cry, but then she puts all her focus in preventing herself from crying. Still don’t get it.

19. Miss J loves showering. Minimum of 2 per day.

20. Miss J is a nature junkie. Sunsets and sunrises are her favorite.

21. Miss J is the one passenger in the airplane who actually turns their phone off prior to take-off. I’ve been yelled at twice for refusing to turn mine off. She was legit upset. Now, I turn mine off. Smh.

22. Miss J carries floss everywhere. Don’t be surprised if you see her flossing at dinner, mid-meal. No shame at all.

23. Lastly, Miss J is everything a man could ever ask for in woman. She embodies everything that is respectable and admirable about a woman. I love her more each day and am unbelievably grateful for being blessed with such an amazing women.

Miss J – Happy 23rd Birthday!

Love,

Mr. J

Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit by email here or anonymously using our comment box!

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© LoveJays 2012

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A Little Appreciation Goes a Long Way

When I am driving alone it is not uncommon for me to turn off my music and just let my thoughts flow. I was on my way to meet my family at a theme park this Sunday after church and on the drive over, I could not stop thinking about how much I truly appreciated Mr. J.

He is kind, thoughtful, encouraging, supportive, loving, my best friend and just all around awesome. The whole ride I was counting my blessings and thinking about how thankful I am for him.

As fate would have it, while in the theme park, my dad, two of my twenty-something female cousins and I were talking about relationships. My father expressed how important it is to sit a man down and tell him how much you appreciate everything he does to contribute to your relationship. My first thought was “Well that’s not a problem, I always let my man know he is appreciated.” My second thought was, “Wait, when was the last time I actually said it to him instead of thinking it to myself?” I literally could not remember. I say I love you all of the time; I also let him know how I feel about him individually and about us as a couple, but I do not tell him how grateful I am for all his contributions enough.

As women we often feel we need to be on the receiving end of praise, after all men are the unappreciative half of our species…right? Wrong. A vital part of love is showing and stating your appreciation for one another. It is not enough to just think it and be happy on the inside knowing you have a keeper. It is information worth sharing! Shout it from the rooftops, tell all your friends, jump on Oprah’s couch; but most importantly look your significant other in the eye and let them know how much you notice and appreciate all they do.

My father’s quote of the day was this, “It is a man’s job to put a woman on a pedestal, but in turn it is a woman’s job to never take advantage of it.”

Now I know the phrase “don’t put a woman on a pedestal” comes to mind right away; I had to really think about what he was trying to say too. What it means to me is that women deserve to be held at the highest regard and every need should be met to the best of that man’s ability. In turn, the effort of the man should never go unnoticed by the woman if he is trying his best. Being from the new school, I would like to change it to this: “ It is a man’s job to put a woman on a pedestal, but in turn it is a woman’s job to never take advantage of it AND vice-versa.” 😉

When I saw Mr. J Sunday night I told him exactly what I appreciated about him, and guess what? He was happy! I noticed and cared enough to say something about it! So there you have it, SAY SOMETHING, you won’t be sorry you did.

Love,

Miss J

Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit it here!

© LoveJays 2012

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Long Distance Lover?

Q: Dear Love Jays,
I am thinking about starting a long distance relationship with a guy and we are both mutually interested in each other. Advice?

A: Dear Long Distancing,

I do not have any experience in long distance relationships; however, I have a few close friends who have tried it and all agreed that the distance put a significant strain on their relationship and was very difficult to manage. Relationships thrive when both parties are mutually dedicated to each other and connect emotionally and spiritually. A long distance relationship lacks one key nutritional ingredient required for a relationship to continue growing – physical emotion.

As humans, we enjoy expressing our emotions with one another. We communicate these emotions through an array of channels, but nothing compares to interacting face-to-face. The physical connection that occurs between people communicating directly without any medium interfering is difficult to articulate, but we all understand that feeling. No matter how hard we try, communicating emotions through a phone call, text messages or any video conferencing software just doesn’t feel the same.

Unfortunately, long distance relationships rely heavily on different communication technologies as the primary means of communicating which commonly results in miscommunication, frustration and anger. Speak to anyone who has been in a long distance relationship and I’m sure they will agree. We can use every word in the dictionary to describe how we feel for someone, but it’s the actions behind those words that make all the difference. Lengthy phone conversations may sustain the relationship, but does it compare to an innocent kiss, a genuine handhold, or a romantic evening spent cuddling?

I’m not writing to discourage you from pursuing this relationship, I just want you to be aware of the difficulties and challenges you will face. Write down all the things you are looking for in a relationship and see if the distance will hinder any of those from happening. Happiness is the ultimate goal, so whatever decision you make, don’t sacrifice it!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

 

A: Dear A Long Way,

Almost anyone you talk to will say long distance relationships do not work. I do not believe that is true; however I do believe, like in all relationships, you will both have to compromise.  I think it is more appropriate to say long distance relationships do not work for long before some changes have to be made.

There are a few things you should determine before jumping into a long distance relationship. The first is what is expected from you and what do you expect from him? Dating from a distance requires coordination. Skype dates, phone calls, plane tickets…you get the picture. Becoming “official” comes with expectations; make sure you are both willing to fulfill them.

Next, ask yourself are you a physical person? Do you NEED hugs and kisses daily? You will be going weeks, maybe even months, without seeing each other. If you are not sure, you may want determine which of the 5 love languages you communicate with. If physical touch and quality time are at the top of your list you may want to reconsider a long distance relationship.

The third and most obvious thing to think about would be if things were to progress who is moving and when? I mentioned compromise in the beginning and moving closer to a person is a huge sacrifice. This is the step that is normally the deal breaker.

In an ideal world you guys would court each other and when the time is right you would both choose a place/city/state/ country of your liking, move to a new town and start of fresh at the same time. Unfortunately, this is  typically not what happens. One person will have to uproot their life. Be wary, If the sole reason a person moves closer to their long distance lover is just to be closer to them (i.e. they didn’t get a job opportunity or they do not have friends/family in the area as well) a lot of blame gets placed on the person who did not move when little things go wrong because they feel their significant other has not compromised enough; sadly, this can ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship.

If you have both seriously considered all those things and you both still want to jump in, I say go for it and best of luck!

Love,

Miss J

Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit it here!

© LoveJays 2012

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The Good Ole’ Love at First Sight Question

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Do you believe in love at first sight? I think I saw the love of my life the other day, but I’m hesitant to tell her. Should I?

A: Dear Love at First Sight,

I definitely believe in love at first sight. Story time!

In July 2007, I was working a basketball camp at my alma mater when I noticed a beautiful young lady walking through the cafeteria. I quickly told one of my teammates and both of them encouraged me to introduce myself. I went back-and-forth for a good 5 minutes and could not muster up the courage to get out my chair. Right when I convinced myself to go over there, one of my older teammates swooped on the beautiful lady and introduced himself. The young lady was looking for a specific building on campus, so my teammate directed her to the appropriate building.

Immediately after lunch concluded, my teammate and I scurried over to the building where the young lady was headed. We found the room and patiently waited for another opportunity to speak with her. We never got the opportunity to speak with her, but we did get a chance to speak with her mother (it was registration day for first-year students, so she was accompanied by her mom). My teammate did the majority of the talking with the young lady’s mother while I examined her body trying to look for a name tag. She didn’t have a name tag and the mother never introduced her daughter to us. They walked out the room and I never spoke a word to her.

I headed back to the gym and told my teammate, “I’m going to date that girl one day.” If you haven’t already figured it out, the beautiful lady who walked through the cafeteria on that July afternoon was the lovely Miss J! School started a few weeks after and I was able to catch her attention through a desperate/thirsty act (give me a break – I was 18-years- old) and the rest is history!

Moral of the story: love at first sight does exist. I know firsthand. Mustering up the courage to introduce yourself may be difficult, but it will all be worth it. Stay away from the “I fell in love with you at first sight” line and you will be good. Your heart knows best – don’t let a good one get away!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

Dear Awe Struck, 

Do I believe in actual “love” at first sight?….eh that’s hard to say.

Men are such visual creatures and when you SEE  something you like I believe you feel intense infatuation and lust. These two emotions mimic love in intensity. Therefore I feel it is more appropriate to say I believe in “I like what I see and I want it” at first sight. This is not to say women cannot experience something similar, I am sure most do, but I think they are more inclined to take it a step further and have a conversation with a man before deciding “it’s love”. In this case I would say it is more appropriate to call it ” I like what I see, I like what I hear, and I want it” at first sight.

Love takes takes time. No way around it. You can really like someone, you can get along really well, and I really do believe we all have the ability to see whether or not you could possibly fall in love with a person from the first few encounters. Now some have clouded vision, but if you are 100% real with yourself you will know. Just one of God’s many great gifts he gives his children. Embrace it!

So back to your question, if you are feeling that strongly and you have really connected with her I suggest you tell her just that.

Love,

Miss J

Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit it here!

© LoveJays 2012