Hey Love Fans!
In this week’s episode we discuss Lil Wayne’s hospitalization, dating in the workplace, dating two people “exclusively” at the same time, and Mr.J’s singing skills. Special guest include relationship coach Evangelina Hemphill and spoken word artist Shane Romero.
Love,
J&J
How do you get a guy you like to ask you out?
I am not sure there is a surefire way to “get” a guy to ask you out. There are a couple of things you can do on your end, but ultimately whether or not he decides to ask you is up to him.
Here’s what you can do:
1. Do not sleep with him. No one wants to buy the cow if the milk is given out for free.
2. Do not unleash every single feeling you have ever had about everything in life. A man is less likely to want to see what you have to offer if you just put it all out there for him to see right away. Men like a little bit of mystery.
3. Be the best version of yourself. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Men are attracted to a confident woman.
These tips will help, but as I said before, you cannot make a man ask you out if he just does not want to. Good luck!
Love,
Miss J
Let’s keep this short and sweet: does he like you?
Despite our best efforts in showing someone how we feel, if the feelings aren’t mutual..there isn’t much you can do. We sometimes convince ourselves that just because we like someone, they should like us back. Who wouldn’t want to date a tall, handsome, outgoing and ambitious man? Well, I can name dozens of them and fortunately Miss J is probably one of a select few who could ACTUALLY deal with my ridiculousness. Hence why we have been dating for five years!
On the flip side, if the feelings are mutual and he hasn’t asked you out – maybe he isn’t quite ready or he is dealing with some stage fright. The “quite ready” can mean a multitude of things and vary from guy to guy, so be a little proactive in getting what you want. A little bit of confidence and aggression in a woman never hurts! And for the stage fright – who wants to date a man unwilling to pull the trigger?
Love,
Mr. J
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Are there such things as signs so you know when a guy is into you?
When a man meets a woman who has caught their attention, we typically tend to give off dozens of signs. Whether it’s being extra friendly (I’m talking that painfully over-the-top friendly) or connecting with you on social media and “liking” every new status update or picture, men aren’t very shy about their intentions.
Unfortunately for us, women are in full control and interpret these signs in two ways:
The first interpretation is well warranted since many of us really do try too hard when talking with a lady. Fellas, let’s be honest here, we can all look back and identify at least 3-5 times when our game just wasn’t quite up to par. Easy way to avoid looking like an idiot – talk with your head, not with your penis.
On the flip side, the second one makes things complicated. Men typically have a very fast turnover rate, except for those rare instances when we are shot with Cupid’s arrow. We think know what we want and If we don’t get it in a relatively short amount of time, we move onto the next one. Right, wrong or indifferent – men aren’t the most patient when it comes getting a woman. As a result, our lack of patience is probably the leading reason why so many good women are still single!
There is no doubting the fact that men give off signs when they are interested. The real question is are you opening yourself up into receiving such signs?
Love,
Mr. J
Reading the opposite sex can prove to be challenging. No one wants to put their feelings out in the universe all willy nilly for everyone to see without knowing there will be a definite ROI (Return on Investment). Because of this we often find ourselves trying to guess how a person feels about us and overreading into the smallest gestures.
When it comes to reading a man, I find they are actually quite simple. They may not always say what they mean, but they will always do what they mean. Basically I am trying to say their actions should speak louder than their words. You can tell a man likes you when what he says lines up with/ backs up what he is doing.
Example:
He says: I like you.
Action (If he likes you): He buys you flowers.
Action (If he doesn’t like you): He does not acknowledge you in public.
These are just examples, but I am sure you understand what I am saying. It’s all in the actions. Trust your gut.Words are just words if there isn’t any fire behind them. Always remember, sweet nothings without actions are just that…NOTHING. Good Luck!
Love,
Miss J
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© LoveJays 2013
Hey Love Fans!
In this week’s episode we discuss the “Harlem Shake”, social media in relationships, relationship titles and what you should do if your boo is broke. Featuring special guest Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of The Art of Charm. Men, you definitely won’t want to miss this one!
Click the picture above to view the show.
Love,
J&J
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© LoveJays 2013
My boo is BROKE.
He has no money, no car, no job…and in the beginning I didn’t like it, but tried not to be superficial. I loved the way he treated me and I would offer to pay for things, meals,etc. Besides those things, he is damn near perfect. I never thought it bother me this much. In a relationship, I want to be able to travel, go to the movies, etc. Now, since we have been together for quite sometime, I feel I was completely wrong in starting this pattern. He has been applying for jobs and got a few interviews.
I understand he is going through a rough time and because I love him I do want to support him, but at the same time, I’m not comfortable or okay with doing this. This is eating away at my ego and my womanhood because I feel me paying for things trickles down to our relationship roles. I want to be the woman in the relationship and I want to be pampered. At this point I have no idea how to stop this. I want to offer and pay but then I don’t because I feel the values instilled in me as a child was that the man always pays.
This question is very intriguing to me because we just received a similar question a couple of weeks ago, but it was from the male prospective. He couldn’t get his girlfriend to stop paying and you can’t get your boyfriend to start paying.
Financial stability plays a major role within relationships, I wish it didn’t, but unfortunately, it does matter. Money allows us to buy what we need to survive. So essentially, money=survival. Ugh, I have always hated math.
Let’s get to the meat of your question. You say you love him, he is trying to find work, but he is broke; you want to be able to do things that require money and you want to play the traditional woman role in the relationship. Is that everything? Here are some things you need to ask yourself.
*WRITE YOUR RESPONSES DOWN WITH PEN AND PAPER SO YOU CAN GET A GOOD VISUAL.*
These may look like simple questions, but they are very important and harder to answer than you think. Be completely honest with yourself. Do not beat yourself up over how you truly feel. Sometimes people are with a quality person, but they just are not compatible. Personally, I am all about teamwork within a relationship. I believe each person should contribute as much as they can to the relationship, gender roles aside.
Conversely, if you did want to play into gender roles while it is standard for the woman to be “taken care of” as the man works, it is also standard for a woman to be her man’s backbone when he falls short.
Whether you are a man or woman, it can be frustrating when your partner is not pulling their weight. It causes you to become unbalanced as a couple and I think that’s why you are feeling so conflicted. You are not wrong in wanting what you want, your real task lies in determining whether or not your partner TRULY wants the same thing.
Love,
Miss J
Love is a powerful bond that can withstand just about anything; however, it’s important to understand that financial issues are at the center of many broken relationships and marriages.
Tradition has argued, just as your parents instilled in you, men should always pay for their woman. If I were to stop and poll 100 random men on the street, I’m sure most of them would prefer to pick up the tab for their lady. I, too, would like to pay for Miss J every time we go out to eat, but following tradition doesn’t always mirror reality.
Would you prefer your man to open a credit card, spending money he doesn’t own or would you prefer to pick up the slack while he looks for a stable income?
When you decided to date him, you ALREADY KNEW he didn’t have a job, a car or money; it was all right in front of you. You willingly entered a relationship with a man who could provide emotional support, not financial support. If being wined and dined or traveling was a major priority for you, why would you start the relationship?
You mentioned he is looking for jobs and was able to land some interviews, yet nothing has come to surface. Have you had a conversation with him expressing your frustration? If not, it’s time to sit your man down and explain that you are struggling to maintain the financial load. Unless you want to break with him, DO NOT attack him. When a man feels his manhood being challenged, we most often times shut down and ignore everything that’s said. Be encouraging and supportive, yet straightforward and honest.
Love,
Mr. J
P.S. Miss J and I made a vlog about this very topic…go ahead and take a look at this video.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQBC2j3kNOA]
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© LoveJays 2013
I’d like to date outside of my race, but I feel I’d be uncomfortable going to somewhere like a country bar. Any suggestions?
Dating outside of your race may be difficult or uncomfortable…if you allow for it. This past weekend, we featured an interracial couple on our radio show and asked if they had experienced any negativity for dating outside of their race. Their answer? Once they passed the threshold of real love, it wasn’t even a thing considered.
“For those people who feel a lot of pressure, it’s because they are insecure and they are looking for reasons to why this might not work in the future.” -MC Prototype
Some cultures are much more accepting of dating outside of race, while others have very strong opinions against it. I’m all for embracing our culture and respecting family beliefs and values, but love is love; we all have different paths toward finding it and the person(s) made right for us could very well be a different color.
Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t easy; it requires us to open our minds and embrace vulnerability. However, remaining in a safe space only allows for minimal growth and countless of missed opportunities. Open yourself to the possibilities of something different and do it with a smile! If it makes you feel at ease, I went to a country bar a few times in college and enjoyed myself each and every time; I even learned how to line dance…kind of.
Love,
Mr. J
It is common to want to experience something new and unfamiliar in the dating world and otherwise. I think instead of aiming to date outside of your race it may be better to be open to dating outside of your race. No need to go fishing. You want something to happen organically.
If you are uncomfortable going to a “country bar”, then it makes no sense to go looking for someone to date there. If you are looking to get out of your comfort zone completely, that’s okay. But realize you more than likely will be returning to more “country bars” in the future.
In my opinion, the same rules still apply. You want to find someone with whom you are compatible and share similar interest with. People of all races are into all types of thing. I am sure there are plenty of people outside of your race at a number of places you would normally go. Love of all colors can happen anywhere, not just at places that you know will have a plethora of a particular race. Stay true to you. Good Luck!
Love,
Miss J
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