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Relationship Friends

Q: Dear Love Jays,

All of my friends are in a relationship and they are constantly trying to set me up. I love my friends, but I am getting tired of always having to find a date when we all hang out. Should I get new friends or is this something that will eventually subside?

A: Dear My Friends Need to Relax,

Whoa! Let’s just take a moment and take a few deep breaths…Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Feel better?

It’s difficult being the lone ranger when all of your friends are in a relationship. Each of you are experiencing two completely different realities and that’s perfectly okay! The single life gives you the freedom to grow and mature as an individual, go on adventures and try new things, date different people, make bad decisions and not really worry about the consequences and most importantly – being single gives you the freedom to have fun!

Have you sat down with your friends and really expressed how you feel when it comes to their actions? I’m confident that your friends aren’t coming from a bad place, but sometimes, friends need to be reminded when to lay-off a bit. Communication is key! Be open and honest. If they are your real friends, each of them will completely respect how you feel and cease trying to “hook you up” every other second.

If all of your friends are in a relationship, I would encourage you to seek out some additional friends (notice I didn’t say “new”). Let’s be honest, you just can’t do everything you may want with friends who are in committed relationships!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Overbearing Friends, 

Ouch, that is a pickle.

First let me attempt to explain what the situation may be on behalf of your friends.

When you are in a relationship and loving it, you feel as if you have seen the light of day. All you want to do is spread the good news, of course the first people you want to experience what you are experiencing are your friends and loved ones. Being single and happy becomes a myth in the minds of those who are in a good relationship as memories of being single fade. They think “I thought I was happy before this, but I had NO IDEA what I was really missing”. Your friends have good intentions, but unfortunately it does not change the fact they are becoming a pain in your butt.

You are single and for the purpose of this post you are loving it and they do not understand. Your job is to make them understand. Talk to them, either one by one or in a group and let them know how you feel. Tell them they will be the first people you come to when you are looking to be set up, but until then they need to chill out.

I do think it would benefit you to start hanging out with other people who are also enjoying the single market just to take the pressure off; however I do not think it is necessary to completely drop your current group of “in a relationship”  friends. It is healthy to have different friends for different occasions. Good luck!

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2012

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Playing the Field

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Is it okay I’m dating one guy (we aren’t exclusive) and sleeping with another?

A: Dear Double Dippin’,

Non-exclusive dating gives you the freedom to date, sleep, or hang out with anyone your little heart desires. Dating is a time when you get to explore several options and decide which person (if any) has the potential of becoming more serious.

So, is it okay that you’re dating one and sleeping with another? Technically, yes. Would I recommend continuing this behavior? No. Sex embodies much more emotions than just the physical exchanges of pleasure between our “money spots”. Sex was designed to be shared between two people who are committed to each other and share something special. Casually having sex with people will eventually take its toll on the mental psyche of woman or man. I’m sure there are several of you who want to rebuttal my last statement, but rest assured – you will have your “aha” moment one day. Long story short, sex simply makes things complicated – physically and emotionally.

Easy advice – pick one and stick to ‘em! It’s much much easier to focus your attention on one person and will save you from emotional damage, even if you are unaware of it at this moment.. If you get bored of him, on to the next one. That’s the beauty of dating!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear Boyfriend #2, 

You are in the clear if you and both (or how ever many) men have agreed to the “non-exclusive clause”; however if anyone is under the impression you are just dating and/or sleeping with them you need to either have a conversation or drop whoever is just there for your disposal.

I want to get to the reason WHY you are asking.If you felt it was ok ,chances are you would not have to ask. The real question is, are YOU ok with sleeping with one guy and dating another? Women are emotional creatures, though things may be fun now maybe you are starting to subconsciously notice the balancing act is taking a toll on you.

If you are starting to question yourself maybe take a step back and determine which of the men, if any, you want to be with. If you are not questioning yourself at all and you truly just want the answer to this question I would say it’s ok if you are ok.

Best of luck!

Love,

Miss J

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© LoveJays 2012

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Submit your Questions!

Hello Love Fans!

We just wanted to let you know it’s not too late to submit your questions! We love keeping you entertained – our viewership numbers are very high; however, our question bank is slowly dwindling.  We enjoy answering questions, but we are going to need your help! Please submit any and all questions pertaining to love, dating, relationships or anything else that involves your feelings here. 🙂

Thank you for the support!

Love,

J&J

© LoveJays 2012

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Vacation!!

Hello Love Fans!

We are on Vacation this week and due to limited internet access we will not be able to post your questions until Tuesday, August 14. Sorry for any inconvenience and we will talk to you soon!

Love,

J&J

“Faith makes all things possible… love makes all things easy.” – Dwight L. Moody

© LoveJays 2012

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Cheating Cheating Cheating

Q: Just for the sake of discussion, under what circumstances do you forgive your partner for cheating? For young couples. Not married or people with kids.

A: Dear When/If/How to forgive my cheating partner:

Cheating has to be the most sensitive and gender-divided question in the history of relationships. What constitutes cheating? Are there different levels of cheating? Why do people cheat? If you are currently in a relationship (one that spans beyond Facebook, Twitter and Emojicons), at least one of the above questions has been discussed, re-discussed and then discussed again.

The answer to your question differs from person-to-person and from relationship-to-relationship. I know people who have forgiven their significant other for “hitting a homerun” with another person, while I have also known people who have been kicked to the curb for a kiss. It truly depends on the relationship you have and the boundaries the two of you have set. I’m sure it’s safe to say cheating typically doesn’t result in the strengthening of a relationship, so you have to decide if you are comfortable knowing your significant other made a mistake. It is possible to move-on and continue the relationship, but understand it will be a looooooooong road to recovery. Some will take the journey; some won’t. Power and respect to those who overcome!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear hypothetically of course,

Oh cheating, my favorite subject…NOT. This is the type of question you need to ask your specific partner. For example, I have a very low tolerance for cheating. I made this clear to Mr. J from the beginning. The conversation went like this “Don’t cheat, I will leave.” Point, blank, period. I personally think the younger you are and the less invested you are in a person the more reason you have to pick up and leave. There are no children, no pets, no shared cars, and no mortgage. LEAVE.

Yes, we could argue that we are young and hormones are raging, but any way the cookie crumbles cheating takes time to do. People know when what they are doing is wrong. There is always a little voice in the back of their head saying “I don’t think my significant other will like this” whether they choose to listen to this or not is another story.Emotional cheating, same thing. Starts with text, then phone calls, then all the sudden you are hanging out, then you begin telling them things you don’t even open up about to your significant other about anymore and BOOM there you are emotionally cheating. Congratulations. The only form of cheating that i deem as forgivable is if someone kisses you unprovoked and you push them away immediately, having not kissed them back. Then again that really isn’t cheating.

With all that said, there are some women out there who say it depends on who with and why. My contention is if I am providing you with all you need and more as a girlfriend and you still feel the need to step out than I will no longer feel the need to continue our relationship. Your significant other deserves all of you and if they happen to not deserve all of you, go find another significant other.

Love,

Miss J

© LoveJays 2012