Q: Dear Love Jays,
Here’s a doozy for you. So my ex and I have been back and forth for about two years. There is a multitude of issues, but we never seem to completely break it off. We have real feelings for each other, but can never seem to get on same page. I guess what I’m asking is, can this ever work?
A: Dear Back and Forth,
It’s been two years and despite the “multitude of issues”, the two of you have remained interested in each other and have attempted at developing a relationship. It’s obvious there is a strong connection you share (two years is a lot of time to waste with someone who we don’t care about), but it’s important to evaluate the entire scope of the “relationship”. What is keeping the two of you going back-and-forth? Are the motivations for continuing selfish? What are the multitude of issues and can they be overcome? I can’t stress it enough, communication is critical. Effective communication unlocks doors to conversations that lead to progression and actualization.
The motivation behind submitting this question already indicates your interest in solving the problem that has caused much confusion and headaches along the way. It’s time to put the raincoat on and embrace the storm head-on. It’s unfair to both parties to continue wasting time, if the relationship cannot grow into something stable and enjoyable. Identify the good, the bad and the ugly – then decide the appropriate steps that need to follow.
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Case of the Ex,
The answer to your question,”Can this ever work?” is up to you guys. Let me try and help you break it down.
You have been dating on and off for two years, you have multitude of issues, you have real feeling, and you are never on the same page?!
Dating on and off: If it’s circumstantial (i.e. you will be gone for a year on a mission trip and then she will be gone for a year for work), that’s a different story. I am assuming that is not the case. To be on and off simply because you can’t get along long enough to stay “on” is not a promising sign. Chances are as things start to get heated again you remember why they became your ex in the first place. 2 years of the same pattern, do you really want to sign on for 2 more?
Multitudes of Issues: You mentioned you have a lot of issues , but you said nothing about working on them. Problems do not go away on their own. If you really ever want a future together you have to start to work through the pile of issues. It is hard work, but it also happens to be the price of a happy relationship!
You have feelings: Congrats, that’s awesome! But what feelings? Are you in love, lust, infatuation, extreme like or are you just comfortable?
You are Never on the Same Page: This is another not so promising sign. Beyond the frustration of not seeing eye to eye, you have to look at the fact that you both are struggling to find a happy medium. No happy medium, no happy couple.
So can you guys make it work? Yes. Are you willing to put the work in to make it work? It’s up to you. Is it worth it? Debatable.
Love,
Miss J
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