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Approach or be Approachable?

Q: Dear Love Jays,

Do men get turned-on or turned-off to have a woman approach them?

A: Dear Go Getta’

Women approaching men…I am all over the place when it comes to this practice. If you are a woman and there is a man you have had your sights on throughout the day or night, I completely understand your desire and urge to introduce yourself. What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to approach the man? There could be many answers to this question, but I believe this is the most important question to ask. I will admit that men are progressively becoming worse at approaching women and a surprising amount of men are nervous to approach women, so they sit back with their fingers crossed hoping a woman, such as yourself, will approach them and kick start the conversation.

If a man has been making eye contact with you since you walked in the door, yet didn’t get up to approach you, what does that say about him? It’s one of two options: He is not interested or he is scared. Both seem like good enough reasons to refrain from introducing yourself!

On the flip side, if you have been trying to get the attention of a man who obviously has not seen or acknowledged your presence, I kind-of sort-of, maybe understand why you would approach him. If you decide to introduce yourself, more power to you!

As for men being turned-on/off when a woman approaches them, it’s a crap shoot. I truly believe every man will react differently in each situation. Personally speaking, I wouldn’t be swayed either direction. Men are always up for a good conversation, but just as women don’t like thirsty men, real men don’t like thirsty women. Happy dating!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

Dear Allow Me to Introduce Myself,

When it comes to the first encounter I think you have to leave it to the boys. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great you have enough confidence to approach them yourself, but I am guessing you also want a man that goes after what he wants.

Think of it this way, if someone gives you $100 you are more likely to spend it more frivolously than had you put in hours to work for the $100. Men need to work for it or they are less invested. Let him approach you, but in turn make sure you are approachable. If you really are interested do not hesitate to give him the “eyes” and the “nod”; you know what to do 🙂

Love,

Miss J

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Year of the Woman

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A few weeks ago, my pastor preached a lecture series called the “Year of the Woman”. He spoke about the important role women play in our society, the power all women possess inside of them, acknowledged the driving power to keep women “in their place”, yet what struck me the most weren’t any of the sentiments expressed above. He looked every man in the eye and challenged us to recognize the crucial role we play in assisting women to earn their respective place in society. He called us to be Joseph’s (husband of Mary, mother of Jesus) of the world – men who make a full effort to manifest the dreams and destiny of a woman.

I write this blog with the hope of inspiring young men and women to examine their behaviors and understand the importance women play in our lives. In today’s society, it’s almost impossible to turn on a popular radio station or movie without hearing a negative comment about women. B-this. H-that. And what makes it even worse, our culture has grown completely immune to such name calling and has WOMEN using the words as terms of endearment for each other!

Sit on that.

We must understand progress towards a better world starts with the elevating of a woman. Men have been running this country forever, but of those men running it, how many of them had a strong woman supporting them along the way? Despite your views or political affiliation, do you honestly believe Barack Obama is the same man without Michelle? Martin without Corretta? FDR without Eleanor? She (Michelle) is the anchor to his success and he understands her value. Sure, men can argue until they are blue in the face about “I put in the long days”, “I worked for this” or as Drake so eloquently stated, “B****, you wasn’t with me shootin’ in the gym!” It’s a fair argument, but only a fool believes a man is at his best without a good woman behind them.

What if the roles were reversed and it was a man’s job to support their wife in any endeavor she wanted to peruse? As a man, would you be willing to humble yourself? If you are unable to say ‘yes’ to some part of this question, I challenge you to reexamine your ideals. Women were not placed here to cater to a man’s dream; God placed a dream inside of every woman’s heart, so how dare we (men) limit women in attaining their goals and dreams. It’s time to embrace the woman. Empower the woman. Respect the woman. LOVE the woman! We have come a long way as a generation, but we still have a long way to go. Let’s be mindful of the words we use when referencing to a women; let’s be mindful the way we treat women. Above all, let’s set free our negativity and replace it with positivity.

I would be lying to you by not admitting my guilt in every aspect I speak about. I have helped in contributing to the demeaning of women. I’m not proud of my guilt, but I recognize it. Fortunately, we all have the ability to change. I have made a commitment to manifest the dreams of the women around me and to respect women through my words and actions. Because I am human, I will slip-up. I ask for forgiveness ahead of time and ask all of you to join me in my journey.

For the men reading this post: Help facilitate change. Swim upstream. Honor the woman.

For the woman reading this post: You are beautiful. You are strong. You are intelligent. You have a dream inside of you that the Earth is in need of receiving. Spread your wings and begin to fly. The world is at your feet!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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