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Religion and Relationships

Q: Dear Love Jays,

I’ve been dating this girl for a few months and she claims she’s an atheist. I’ve grown up with a strong Christian background and even though I may not be an avid church goer, I still have Christian convictions and ultimately believe in God and the existence of Jesus Christ. Our relationship seems to be fine and growing at a normal pace, but when conversations about spirituality or God come up it feels like we hit a wall. I’ve never been one to force my beliefs on others, but I also want to feel comfortable with someone when I do open up about this. Should I walk away from this before this relationship goes further, or should I give her time to find a common ground?

A: Dear Religion Dilemma,

This is a tough question to answer. I typically like to give the most unbiased answer as possible to all of our questions, but this topic is near and dear to my heart.

I have always said that it is not about religion, it is about relationship (in regards to God); but if you ask me which belief system I identify with the most I would say Christianity.

In my experience, a relationship with God is something that is at your core. There can be a lot of other things around the core (i.e. similar interest, love of the same food, same taste in music, etc.) but at the end of the day it is what is at the center of you that shapes who you are and how you go about handling certain situations.

This does not mean the woman you are dating is a bad apple at the core; it just means she is on a different spiritual journey. You never force your belief system onto another individual; however you should always be able to share without feeling uncomfortable (and vice versa). Eventually you will come to a fork in the road when you will have to choose to either keep your beliefs at bay, or to keep hitting that spiritual wall. You say everything is fine at the moment, but if you feel like you are at that fork now than it looks like you have a decision to make. I’m not sure a breakup is in order, but some self/relationship evaluation definitely is. Since you are a man of God my best advice is to pray on it : )

Love,

Miss J

A: Dear Religion in Relationships,

Religion and politics are the two subjects that can bring the best and worst out of any person. Each one embodies strong convictions from its believers and supporters, and often times, most people stand very firm on their beliefs. It’s often been said these topics should be kept away from conversations with close friends and family, but in reality, it’s the exact opposite.

Religion is the source of spiritual guidance, understanding, happiness, peace, anger, frustration, debate and controversy. Some believe in God or a god, while others believe religion is foolish and the reason for much violence in the world. It’s a personal decision and whatever you choose to believe is neither wrong or right.

Personally, I have wrestled back-and-forth with religion my entire life. I did not grow up in a religious household, but we (1 brother, 1 sister) were raised on Christian morals and values. Church was not a part of our weekly routine and my parents never shoved religion down our throats. I attended religiously affiliated schools, but I could never fully wrap my head around religion. I always believed in God, but didn’t really understand what it meant. It wasn’t until last year that I made a conscious effort to better understand my beliefs and become more active in seeking a relationship with God. I have never been a fan of organized religion for several reasons, but my beliefs are based in Christianity. The process of seeking God is full of learning, difficulties and confusion, but since making the commitment, my life has become more meaningful.

I share my testimony because I have noticed a shift in the person I am becoming and the deep connection Miss J and I have developed with each other. Our relationship no longer exists just in the physical, but in the spiritual. It genuinely feels different. It’s hard to explain, but the change is evident.

Your relationship will continue to grow and could blossom into something great, but I’m not sure if it will reach it’s full potential without a spiritual support system. I encourage you to engage in conversations about spirituality and discover the reasons why each of you believe in something different. It will most likely be very uncomfortable, but it’s important to understand the people we are committing to beyond the physical. Listen to your heart and progress in the ways you feel necessary.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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Year of the Woman

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A few weeks ago, my pastor preached a lecture series called the “Year of the Woman”. He spoke about the important role women play in our society, the power all women possess inside of them, acknowledged the driving power to keep women “in their place”, yet what struck me the most weren’t any of the sentiments expressed above. He looked every man in the eye and challenged us to recognize the crucial role we play in assisting women to earn their respective place in society. He called us to be Joseph’s (husband of Mary, mother of Jesus) of the world – men who make a full effort to manifest the dreams and destiny of a woman.

I write this blog with the hope of inspiring young men and women to examine their behaviors and understand the importance women play in our lives. In today’s society, it’s almost impossible to turn on a popular radio station or movie without hearing a negative comment about women. B-this. H-that. And what makes it even worse, our culture has grown completely immune to such name calling and has WOMEN using the words as terms of endearment for each other!

Sit on that.

We must understand progress towards a better world starts with the elevating of a woman. Men have been running this country forever, but of those men running it, how many of them had a strong woman supporting them along the way? Despite your views or political affiliation, do you honestly believe Barack Obama is the same man without Michelle? Martin without Corretta? FDR without Eleanor? She (Michelle) is the anchor to his success and he understands her value. Sure, men can argue until they are blue in the face about “I put in the long days”, “I worked for this” or as Drake so eloquently stated, “B****, you wasn’t with me shootin’ in the gym!” It’s a fair argument, but only a fool believes a man is at his best without a good woman behind them.

What if the roles were reversed and it was a man’s job to support their wife in any endeavor she wanted to peruse? As a man, would you be willing to humble yourself? If you are unable to say ‘yes’ to some part of this question, I challenge you to reexamine your ideals. Women were not placed here to cater to a man’s dream; God placed a dream inside of every woman’s heart, so how dare we (men) limit women in attaining their goals and dreams. It’s time to embrace the woman. Empower the woman. Respect the woman. LOVE the woman! We have come a long way as a generation, but we still have a long way to go. Let’s be mindful of the words we use when referencing to a women; let’s be mindful the way we treat women. Above all, let’s set free our negativity and replace it with positivity.

I would be lying to you by not admitting my guilt in every aspect I speak about. I have helped in contributing to the demeaning of women. I’m not proud of my guilt, but I recognize it. Fortunately, we all have the ability to change. I have made a commitment to manifest the dreams of the women around me and to respect women through my words and actions. Because I am human, I will slip-up. I ask for forgiveness ahead of time and ask all of you to join me in my journey.

For the men reading this post: Help facilitate change. Swim upstream. Honor the woman.

For the woman reading this post: You are beautiful. You are strong. You are intelligent. You have a dream inside of you that the Earth is in need of receiving. Spread your wings and begin to fly. The world is at your feet!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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