Q: Dear Love Jays,
I have been seeing this girl for a minute. In the beginning I told her I love a good cook, but she can’t cook. She thought it was small talk, but I was serious. The further we have gotten into our relationship the more I continue to be a little bothered that she can’t cook, even though I knew it getting into this.
So for my birthday all I asked her for was to cook a panned seared tuna with froot loop crust like my momma always makes… yes froot loop cereal is used for the crust. But when it was time for dinner she ordered out and reminded me she couldn’t cook. Am I crazy or should she have at least tried to step out of her comfort zone and done this because she cared for me or should I be concerned that she doesn’t love me like I think she does?
A: Dear My Girl Can’t Cook,
Let’s take a minute and reflect on your request: Froot Loop crusted pan-seared tuna? You lucky she didn’t leave you immediately following such a request. I promise I’m not judging…wait, I definitely am. Who the hell puts Froot Loops on tuna? Okay, I’m done venting. Back to the question.
You can make a very strong case that she should have at least tried to cook you dinner for your birthday. If all you genuinely wanted was a home-cooked meal, she could have done her very best to prepare something, even if it wasn’t your speciality tuna. However, I am not going to put all the blame on her. She made it clear in the beginning she can’t cook. You knew it, she knew it! You claim to have been “serious” when you spoke to her about loving a good cook, so if you were that serious, please explain why you allowed the relationship to continue? I’m not saying you should kick a girl to the curb if she can’t cook, but if you know that skills in the kitchen is something you want in a partner, you are just as responsible for not getting your cereal-crusted tuna.
As for being concerned about her not loving you, relax. She genuinely may have thought you weren’t very serious. Give the lady the benefit of the doubt. Have you thought about taking a cooking class together? You never know, she actually may be good at cooking, but has never had anyone teach her the proper techniques. I’m sure you can search through Groupon or Living Social to find a deal. If you don’t want to spend money, show her yourself! Sharing is caring.
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Tuna and Froot Loops…Seriously?
Where to begin… ok first let’s tackle the food=love thing. How do I put this…Though as a woman I do understand the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, not all your food is “made with love”. If your woman can’t cook she can’t cook. You said something really important, “you knew what you were getting into”. Case closed! I know you want your mother’s recipe, but you have to understand as a woman being asked to do anything “like your momma does” is intimidating enough. Not only are you asking her to live up to the most important woman in your life, but you are asking her to do it while doing the thing she is most uncomfortable doing. So yes, you should be concerned with how she feels, but not about how much she loves you. The fact she is still around speaks for itself. No woman likes being asked to live up to the “Momma Standard” and even more than that we do not like falling short and reminded of it.
If you are really stuck on her cooking for you I suggest cooking WITH her. That way it will be an activity you do together and it will turn into something she looks forward to. Start with simple recipes like pasta and you guys can eventually work your way up to more advanced recipes. Who knows, maybe one day you will even make your favorite…Froot Loop crusted Tuna
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012