Hello Love Fans!
We just wanted to let you know it’s not too late to submit your questions! We love keeping you entertained – our viewership numbers are very high; however, our question bank is slowly dwindling. We enjoy answering questions, but we are going to need your help! Please submit any and all questions pertaining to love, dating, relationships or anything else that involves your feelings here. 🙂
Thank you for the support!
Love,
J&J
© LoveJays 2012
I’m sure some of you are wondering, “Where are the questions? It’s Thursday!” You’re right – it is Thursday (September 6th), but today, I’m going to do something a little different. At this very moment, in some place around the world, it is September 7th…what’s the significance? Glad you asked. September 7th is Miss J’s 23rd birthday!!
In celebration of her birthday, I’m going to share 23 facts, feelings and whatever else comes to mind about this beautiful woman who has been my support system for the last 4.5 years!
1. Miss J is single-handedly the most selfless and loving person I know. She is willing to do 1,000,000 things for other people before she even considers herself. If any of you are fortunate to call Miss J “friend”, you know you will always have someone in your corner through the highs and the lows.
2. Miss J has more energy than most 5-year-olds. Seriously. Dull moments rarely exist in her presence.
3. Miss J laughs at the MOST inappropriate times. If you suffer a tragic loss, don’t come to her because she may laugh in your face. She means no harm, I promise. She just has horrible reactions!
4. Miss J sleeps with an eye-mask.
5. Miss J is in love with love. Love is her passion (hence the blog).
6. Miss J is deathly afraid of snails. Yes, snails. Her reason is valid, so don’t judge too much.
7. Miss J’s newest hobby is painting.
8. Miss J can stick her stomach out to make it look like she is pregnant. Makes me uncomfortable and nervous every time.
9. Miss J is obsessed with spinach. She eats a bowl of it for lunch or dinner at least 3 times a week.
10. Miss J looooooves monkeys. It’s beyond an obsession.
11. Miss J is an amazing woman of God. Her faith and love for the Lord is undeniable and genuine.
12. Miss J is a BEAUTIFUL dancer who was trained by Miss Debbie Allen.
13. Miss J wishes she lived in a nudest society.
14. Miss J’s favorite channel is Disney.
15. Miss J is a hoarder. Her hoarding mixed with my OCD often leads to anxiety filled conversations weekly!
16. Miss J is a Harry Potter nerd!
17. Miss J will cut you off mid-sentence without thinking twice. Just ask my best friend.
18. Miss J always announces when she is about to cry, but then she puts all her focus in preventing herself from crying. Still don’t get it.
19. Miss J loves showering. Minimum of 2 per day.
20. Miss J is a nature junkie. Sunsets and sunrises are her favorite.
21. Miss J is the one passenger in the airplane who actually turns their phone off prior to take-off. I’ve been yelled at twice for refusing to turn mine off. She was legit upset. Now, I turn mine off. Smh.
22. Miss J carries floss everywhere. Don’t be surprised if you see her flossing at dinner, mid-meal. No shame at all.
23. Lastly, Miss J is everything a man could ever ask for in woman. She embodies everything that is respectable and admirable about a woman. I love her more each day and am unbelievably grateful for being blessed with such an amazing women.
Miss J – Happy 23rd Birthday!
Love,
Mr. J
Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit by email here or anonymously using our comment box!
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© LoveJays 2012
Q: Dear Love Jays,
I am thinking about starting a long distance relationship with a guy and we are both mutually interested in each other. Advice?
A: Dear Long Distancing,
I do not have any experience in long distance relationships; however, I have a few close friends who have tried it and all agreed that the distance put a significant strain on their relationship and was very difficult to manage. Relationships thrive when both parties are mutually dedicated to each other and connect emotionally and spiritually. A long distance relationship lacks one key nutritional ingredient required for a relationship to continue growing – physical emotion.
As humans, we enjoy expressing our emotions with one another. We communicate these emotions through an array of channels, but nothing compares to interacting face-to-face. The physical connection that occurs between people communicating directly without any medium interfering is difficult to articulate, but we all understand that feeling. No matter how hard we try, communicating emotions through a phone call, text messages or any video conferencing software just doesn’t feel the same.
Unfortunately, long distance relationships rely heavily on different communication technologies as the primary means of communicating which commonly results in miscommunication, frustration and anger. Speak to anyone who has been in a long distance relationship and I’m sure they will agree. We can use every word in the dictionary to describe how we feel for someone, but it’s the actions behind those words that make all the difference. Lengthy phone conversations may sustain the relationship, but does it compare to an innocent kiss, a genuine handhold, or a romantic evening spent cuddling?
I’m not writing to discourage you from pursuing this relationship, I just want you to be aware of the difficulties and challenges you will face. Write down all the things you are looking for in a relationship and see if the distance will hinder any of those from happening. Happiness is the ultimate goal, so whatever decision you make, don’t sacrifice it!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear A Long Way,
Almost anyone you talk to will say long distance relationships do not work. I do not believe that is true; however I do believe, like in all relationships, you will both have to compromise. I think it is more appropriate to say long distance relationships do not work for long before some changes have to be made.
There are a few things you should determine before jumping into a long distance relationship. The first is what is expected from you and what do you expect from him? Dating from a distance requires coordination. Skype dates, phone calls, plane tickets…you get the picture. Becoming “official” comes with expectations; make sure you are both willing to fulfill them.
Next, ask yourself are you a physical person? Do you NEED hugs and kisses daily? You will be going weeks, maybe even months, without seeing each other. If you are not sure, you may want determine which of the 5 love languages you communicate with. If physical touch and quality time are at the top of your list you may want to reconsider a long distance relationship.
The third and most obvious thing to think about would be if things were to progress who is moving and when? I mentioned compromise in the beginning and moving closer to a person is a huge sacrifice. This is the step that is normally the deal breaker.
In an ideal world you guys would court each other and when the time is right you would both choose a place/city/state/ country of your liking, move to a new town and start of fresh at the same time. Unfortunately, this is typically not what happens. One person will have to uproot their life. Be wary, If the sole reason a person moves closer to their long distance lover is just to be closer to them (i.e. they didn’t get a job opportunity or they do not have friends/family in the area as well) a lot of blame gets placed on the person who did not move when little things go wrong because they feel their significant other has not compromised enough; sadly, this can ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship.
If you have both seriously considered all those things and you both still want to jump in, I say go for it and best of luck!
Love,
Miss J
Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit it here!
© LoveJays 2012
Q: Dear Love Jays,
Do men get turned-on or turned-off to have a woman approach them?
A: Dear Go Getta’
Women approaching men…I am all over the place when it comes to this practice. If you are a woman and there is a man you have had your sights on throughout the day or night, I completely understand your desire and urge to introduce yourself. What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to approach the man? There could be many answers to this question, but I believe this is the most important question to ask. I will admit that men are progressively becoming worse at approaching women and a surprising amount of men are nervous to approach women, so they sit back with their fingers crossed hoping a woman, such as yourself, will approach them and kick start the conversation.
If a man has been making eye contact with you since you walked in the door, yet didn’t get up to approach you, what does that say about him? It’s one of two options: He is not interested or he is scared. Both seem like good enough reasons to refrain from introducing yourself!
On the flip side, if you have been trying to get the attention of a man who obviously has not seen or acknowledged your presence, I kind-of sort-of, maybe understand why you would approach him. If you decide to introduce yourself, more power to you!
As for men being turned-on/off when a woman approaches them, it’s a crap shoot. I truly believe every man will react differently in each situation. Personally speaking, I wouldn’t be swayed either direction. Men are always up for a good conversation, but just as women don’t like thirsty men, real men don’t like thirsty women. Happy dating!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
Dear Allow Me to Introduce Myself,
When it comes to the first encounter I think you have to leave it to the boys. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great you have enough confidence to approach them yourself, but I am guessing you also want a man that goes after what he wants.
Think of it this way, if someone gives you $100 you are more likely to spend it more frivolously than had you put in hours to work for the $100. Men need to work for it or they are less invested. Let him approach you, but in turn make sure you are approachable. If you really are interested do not hesitate to give him the “eyes” and the “nod”; you know what to do 🙂
Love,
Miss J
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*By submitting your question to the love jays you grant them the right to publish your question and the answer in all media.
© LoveJays 2012
Q: Dear Love Jays,
How fast is too fast to have sex?
A: Dear Fast Lane:
Sex is an intimate act that should be shared exclusively for two people who genuinely love and care for each other. Unfortunately, sex has become the understood way of communicating how we feel for another person. We sometimes struggle to articulate our feelings through words or actions, so we use sex to help us express how we feel inside.
Miss J and I are an open book when it comes to our relationship, so I’m going to share something very personal. Miss J and I were sexually active throughout our entire relationship (4+ years), until God placed it on our hearts to try celibacy a few months ago. I vividly remember when the thought first crossed my mind, yet my selfishness refused to bring it up. About 2 weeks later, Miss J sat me down and proposed we remain celibate for 40 days. Our 40 days ended on July 14 and we have continued on our celibacy path until we get married. The last 3 months has forced me to find new ways of expressing my love to Miss J and most importantly, it makes my mind and spirit feel at peace.
I’m sure celibacy is out of the question for many of you, so if you decide to have sex, I strongly encourage you to analyze your level of commitment to the person and act accordingly. Believe it or not, sex complicates more than it helps us to understand. Trust the feelings in your heart and do what you feel is right!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear How Will I know,
I do believe this is our very first sex question…Thanks for bringing it up!
Sex is not to be taken lightly; although television, music, and pop culture suggests otherwise. A little while back I may have told you to wait at least 3 dates, or when you feel comfortable. Sex is now categorized as a casual and necessary thing to do no matter what your status is. It allows for things such as the “three date rule” to exist, and the porn industry to thrive in a time of economic turmoil. All the while we are all sitting around like it is completely normal and acceptable. I was in the same bubble up until a couple of months ago and let me tell you, boy have my eyes have been opened!
The three date rule is accepted as a solid answer to the ‘when to have sex question’ because of three things:
1. As a man: you have now spent money and time with a female 3 times, she owes you.
2. As a woman: a man has now spent money and time with you 3 times, you owe him.
3. You are both unbelievably horny by this point.
The list may make sense to you but I challenge you to wait even longer. I know celibacy is not for everyone, I am not even going to go there. What I will say is wait until you really get to know the person. Give time for you both to become invested to the point you both care about the other person’s well-being (emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually). Yes, I am aware that will take TIME and a lot of WORK ;hence why I said INVEST. Without sex you will discover quickly whether or not a person is worth getting to know beneath the surface.
So there you have it, it’s too fast if there is no investment. And remember, you are worth the investment too!
Good luck,
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012
A few weeks ago, my pastor preached a lecture series called the “Year of the Woman”. He spoke about the important role women play in our society, the power all women possess inside of them, acknowledged the driving power to keep women “in their place”, yet what struck me the most weren’t any of the sentiments expressed above. He looked every man in the eye and challenged us to recognize the crucial role we play in assisting women to earn their respective place in society. He called us to be Joseph’s (husband of Mary, mother of Jesus) of the world – men who make a full effort to manifest the dreams and destiny of a woman.
I write this blog with the hope of inspiring young men and women to examine their behaviors and understand the importance women play in our lives. In today’s society, it’s almost impossible to turn on a popular radio station or movie without hearing a negative comment about women. B-this. H-that. And what makes it even worse, our culture has grown completely immune to such name calling and has WOMEN using the words as terms of endearment for each other!
Sit on that.
We must understand progress towards a better world starts with the elevating of a woman. Men have been running this country forever, but of those men running it, how many of them had a strong woman supporting them along the way? Despite your views or political affiliation, do you honestly believe Barack Obama is the same man without Michelle? Martin without Corretta? FDR without Eleanor? She (Michelle) is the anchor to his success and he understands her value. Sure, men can argue until they are blue in the face about “I put in the long days”, “I worked for this” or as Drake so eloquently stated, “B****, you wasn’t with me shootin’ in the gym!” It’s a fair argument, but only a fool believes a man is at his best without a good woman behind them.
What if the roles were reversed and it was a man’s job to support their wife in any endeavor she wanted to peruse? As a man, would you be willing to humble yourself? If you are unable to say ‘yes’ to some part of this question, I challenge you to reexamine your ideals. Women were not placed here to cater to a man’s dream; God placed a dream inside of every woman’s heart, so how dare we (men) limit women in attaining their goals and dreams. It’s time to embrace the woman. Empower the woman. Respect the woman. LOVE the woman! We have come a long way as a generation, but we still have a long way to go. Let’s be mindful of the words we use when referencing to a women; let’s be mindful the way we treat women. Above all, let’s set free our negativity and replace it with positivity.
I would be lying to you by not admitting my guilt in every aspect I speak about. I have helped in contributing to the demeaning of women. I’m not proud of my guilt, but I recognize it. Fortunately, we all have the ability to change. I have made a commitment to manifest the dreams of the women around me and to respect women through my words and actions. Because I am human, I will slip-up. I ask for forgiveness ahead of time and ask all of you to join me in my journey.
For the men reading this post: Help facilitate change. Swim upstream. Honor the woman.
For the woman reading this post: You are beautiful. You are strong. You are intelligent. You have a dream inside of you that the Earth is in need of receiving. Spread your wings and begin to fly. The world is at your feet!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
Have a question for the Love Jays? Submit it by email here or anonymously using our comment box!
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© LoveJays 2012
