Posted on

Ask Me Out Already

Q: Dear Love Jays,

How do you get a guy you like to ask you out?

A: Dear I Want A Date,

I am not sure there is a surefire way to “get” a guy to ask you out. There are a couple of things you can do on your end, but ultimately whether or not he decides to ask you is up to him.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Do not sleep with him. No one wants to buy the cow if the milk is given out for free.

2. Do not unleash every single feeling you have ever had about everything in life. A man is less likely to want to see what you have to offer if you just put it all out there for him to see right away. Men like a little bit of mystery.

3. Be the best version of yourself. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Men are attracted to a confident woman.

These tips will help, but as I said before, you cannot make a man ask you out if he just does not want to. Good luck!

Love,

Miss J

Dear He Hasn’t Asked Yet,

Let’s keep this short and sweet: does he like you?

Despite our best efforts in showing someone how we feel, if the feelings aren’t mutual..there isn’t much you can do. We sometimes convince ourselves that just because we like someone, they should like us back. Who wouldn’t want to date a tall, handsome, outgoing and ambitious man? Well, I can name dozens of them and fortunately Miss J is probably one of a select few who could ACTUALLY deal with my ridiculousness. Hence why we have been dating for five years!

On the flip side, if the feelings are mutual and he hasn’t asked you out – maybe he isn’t quite ready or he is dealing with some stage fright. The “quite ready” can mean a multitude of things and vary from guy to guy, so be a little proactive in getting what you want. A little bit of confidence and aggression in a woman never hurts! And for the stage fright – who wants to date a man unwilling to pull the trigger?

Love,

Mr. J

Have a Question for the Love Jays?

[contact-form][contact-field label=’Submit Questions Anonymously Below: ‘ type=’textarea’/][/contact-form]

Posted on

Getting to Know You

Q: Dear Love Jays,

There’s a guy I met at a party a couple of weeks and ended up talking to for a lot of the time. I don’t see him much, even though we’re in the same program (at a university) but we really hit it off and I’m now debating whether it’s something I should pursue. I really enjoyed being with him and we run into each other every now and then, but it’s only for a short while. I feel almost like I’d have to work really hard to see him and I just don’t know which route to take. I want to get to know him better but how? I feel like it may be too soon to ask him out just a simple coffee date or something since we don’t know each other that well.

A: Dear Miss Timid,

What is there to debate?

You met a young man who obviously caught your eye, the two of you really hit it off, both of you are in the same program at the same university and you really enjoy being with him?? Sounds like four really strong reasons to invite him on a little coffee date!

A simple coffee date is relatively harmless and coffee shops create a great environment for casual conversation. I understand it has only been a few weeks, but sitting around waiting for “the right time” to ask him to join you for coffee seems like a complete waste. I’m pretty confident most men are not concerned about any type of date being “too soon”, especially if it is the woman who is asking.

Next time you see him on campus engage him in small talk then extend the invite. As for getting to know him better, start with your similarities. What made you decide to study at this university? Why did you choose this program? Are you involved in any extracurricular activities on campus? What are some of your hobbies? These four questions alone should jump start the conversation and lead you down a pretty informal, informational conversation about each other.

Put your cute clothes on and do what women do best – attract men!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear A Simple Coffee Date, 

I think a simple coffee/yogurt/smoothie date is an excellent idea! It’s not often we find people we genuinely click with. When you find someone you want to get to know better there is no such thing as “too soon” , but there is a such thing as wasting time. Don’t waste yours.

I don’t think it needs to be a “date” per-say, just try to keep it as simple as possible. Maybe one day after class mention you are going for coffee and ask if he wants to join, if he has somewhere to go say something to let him know the offer stands and you would like to go soon. Just give him enough to let him know your interested, but hold back enough to leave him wanting to get to know you more.

Leave the asking of the “big date” up to him. Best of Luck!

Love,

Miss J

Have a question for the Love Jays?

[contact-form][contact-field label=’SUBMIT QUESTIONS ANONYMOUSLY BELOW:’ type=’textarea’/][/contact-form]

*By submitting your question to the love jays you grant them the right to publish your question and the answer  in all media.

© LoveJays 2012