Common Courtesy

speaking

“Don’t ever walk into my house without speaking!”, my father exclaimed.

“Sorry, Mr. Riley. Hello.”, my friend responded.

I was around 12 years-old when this short, but powerful exchange happened. Growing up, my father always emphasized the importance of speaking to people when you walked into their home. And not only did you speak to the head(s) of the household, you would also acknowledge the guest(s) in the room. Even if you didn’t know anyone in the entire place, you spoke.

And this rule didn’t just apply to households.

The expectation was simple: speak whenever you enter the room.

I automatically assumed most people were raised with a similar expectation, but as I grew older, I realized people didn’t hold this small act in high regard. Even something so small as speaking to the clerk at the grocery store when checking out or asking your server how their day is going before ordering something to drink. A small acknowledgement of their presence as a human being isn’t too much to ask, right?

My college roommates would invite friends over and their guests would hardly speak, unless they knew one of us in the group. People walk into our office, look at you in the face, and walk by as if you weren’t sitting there. If I want a proper greeting, I have to go out of my way to acknowledge them first. Who raised you?

Maybe I’m being too sensitive and people just aren’t aware, but my gut tells me otherwise. Do any of you get annoyed when people don’t speak when entering your house or workplace?

Holla at me!

Mr. J

Unlearning the Lessons You’ve Taught Yourself

We’ve all been there. You were cruising along, not a care in the world when BAM! You get hit by reality. I was in my first semester of sophomore year at University, in my dance clothes, sitting on a bench in front of the science building, staring at a fountain while on the phone with my mother. I wasn’t happy. I was complaining about my experience in school thus far. The dance department wasn’t what I thought it would be and neither were the students on campus. I knew it wasn’t going to be the most diverse experience, but I never expected it to be as isolating as it was. This was higher education, and I hated it.
Upon hearing this, my mother didn’t say what I thought I needed her to say at the time. Instead of telling me it would all be okay, she opted to tell me all the sacrifices she and my father were making in order to allow me to have the experience I loathed so much. She also told me that they would love to sacrifice less, so if I was really that unhappy, I could always transfer. She was right, I could have, but I didn’t. I stayed because I thought it was the least I could do. I stayed because I heard it was going to prepare me for the real world. I stayed because I needed to practice misery, gradually, so that one day, I wouldn’t even notice the feeling anymore.
So stayed I did, for the full four  years, and I was absolutely miserable. I could not WAIT to leave. I lacked guidance and although I searched for a mentor, I never found a good fit. I had strong will with no direction and lost almost every battle I tried to fight.
I thought I was teaching myself to be grateful for sacrifices others made for me, to endure misery as a means to a rewarding end and to pick battles I couldn’t win to develop thick skin. What I really taught myself is that it’s okay to exist in a state of resentment. I taught myself that my happiness doesn’t matter as long as it’s sacrificed for something I deem as the greater good and that maybe I wasn’t meant to win battles.
I taught myself wrong.
Now, I know discontent acts as a compass. If the arrow is pointed towards stagnation, then I need to move, stat!
I know complaining is the denial of responsibility. By refusing this responsibility, I relinquish my power and miss the opportunity to make a change.
I know resentment is often the result of letting myself down. I have to trust in my gut and always go towards what I believe to be the right decision.
I know although sacrifices may have been made on my behalf with a particular goal in mind, the ultimate goal was to put me in a position in which I could truly thrive. That’s the debt I owe. There is no reason to tolerate misery for something I don’t even want.
I know some battles are lost and others are won, but in the end, the battle I refuse to lose, is the fight for living the life I choose.
xoxo,
JOY
I’d love to know what lessons you’ve had to unlearn. Please leave a comment below and share your story!

My Summer with Kobe Bryant

Growing up 30 miles east of Los Angeles, it was difficult to root for any other team. Purple and gold paraphernalia littered the streets every time I left the house. During the championship three-peat in the early 2000’s, just about every single car had a Lakers flag attached to their window. Us included. The city was alive and my passion for basketball began to burn.

I grew up a Michael Jordan fan. I loved everything about his game. His sweet pull-up jumper. His deadly fadeaway in the mid-post. His ability to dominate and destroy every time he walked on the court. And it just wasn’t the moves. His charismatic demeanor drew me in every time I watched.

Kobe didn’t have the same impression. He annoyed me. His arrogance and selfishness turned me away. He wanted to be Michael Jordan, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t dethrone my idol. Hell, I was even hoping the Lakers shipped him over Shaq.

I didn’t want to see Kobe succeed.

As the years went by, my passion for basketball continued to deepen. I started watching basketball differently. I wasn’t watching just as a fan for entertainment. I observed the little things: how were their feet positioned when they caught the ball, how did they take advantage of mismatches, did they have consistent shooting mechanics every time they shot the ball? It’s always the little things that make the biggest difference.

Jordan wasn’t in the league any longer and the Lakers were always on TV, so I decided to follow Kobe more closely. I ignored my personal feelings toward him and just watched him play. And by play, I mean dominate.

Dominate. Dominate. Dominate.

Night in and night out, he destroyed defenders and made the game look easy. He was relentless when he stepped on the court. He wasn’t there to make friends. He didn’t care if he was hated. He wanted to win at all cost and was going to do whatever it took to get there.

The more I watched, the more I respected him. The qualities that pissed me off before were now the things I respected most.

Kobe was an unapologetic asshole with one goal: WIN. And I loved it!

Fast forward to summer 2014.

I’m sitting at home when I get a text from a colleague telling me Kobe Bryant is coming to our gym tomorrow. I was working another job and wasn’t going to be in the next day, so I convinced myself it wouldn’t happen. The next morning, I get a text with only a picture.

Kobe Bryant was working out on our courts.

I could hardly sleep the following night. I spent the previous years watching the subtle movements Kobe made on the court and now I get the opportunity to watch him fine tune his craft in person? It was a dream come true.

I bolted out the house the following morning, racing down the 5-Freeway to ensure I arrived before his 7:15 AM scheduled workout. I nervously paced trying to keep cool and “act like I’d been there before”, but I couldn’t contain myself. A few moments later, there he was: Kobe Bryant, walking through the door.

It was the first of 20+ workouts I watched or assisted with that summer. Every morning, 7:15 AM, Kobe walked through that back door and came ready to work.

There wasn’t a “Good Morning” or “How are you?” greeting. It was only a salute or nod.

He’d spend the first 15-minutes getting stretched out, then make his way to the court and put himself through a minimal ball handling routine before getting up shots. He always started a few feet from the rim, making 10 shots with each hand at three separate spots. He would then move to mid-range jumpers, making 10-20 at each spot. Once those were finished, he moved out to the three-point line and repeated the process.

After finishing up this routine, he moved on to the best part of the workout: the mid-post.

The moves we all came to love: Jab, shot-fake. Jab, shot-fake, dribble. Right side, left side. The moves every defender knew was coming, yet, still couldn’t stop was being finely tuned right before my eyes. Every single rep was game speed. No wasted movements. Laser focused. It was if he was imagining a defender in front of him every time he made the move.

He would finish up the workout with more spot shooting, followed by free-throws.

Day in, day out. The same workout. Over and over and over again.

People often ask what was the most memorable moment from that summer with Kobe Bryant. The time he told me to shut up and called me a motherfucker because I was laughing with Nick Young about the Drew League midway through the workout? The day he spent an entire workout doing defensive slides and only shot free-throws? Stopping the workout because I passed the ball a millisecond too soon? Beating him and Kanye West in a 17 on his final workout?

It’s hard to pick one moment that stands out above the rest. Getting the opportunity to share the court with Kobe Bryant as he mastered his craft was an experience I will always cherish.

Today marks the end of an era.

It will be the last time we watch Kobe Bryant adorn the Purple and Gold. The last time we see the Mamba stare. The last time he pulls up for his signature elbow jumper. The last time he walks off the Staples Center floor.

Kobe Bryant: Thank you for giving Los Angeles and the world 20 years of unrelenting excellence. Your legacy will live on forever.

Salute.

The Truth About What Makes You Happy

Whenever I ask the question, “What should I do with my life?” people tend to respond with, “Do what makes you happy.” This is such a loaded response because:

  1. I am a bit fickle so what makes me happy today, may not make me happy tomorrow. #Human

  2. What if I find that thing and it’s not lucrative? #IHaveToEat

  3. What if I find something that makes me happy, but I still have to deal with things that make me unhappy, thus cancelling out my happiness? #FirstWorldProblems

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to life, I have doubts. Serious doubts. I need to know the answer to this question. How, how, how? If you are also searching for answers, let me save you some stress and a crap-ton of time. You are never going to find a solution to this question. It’s not something you can ever check off of your to-do list. It is a permanent and grueling task.

At this point, you may be wondering why I felt the need to write an article about a lifelong issue that cannot be resolved. Well, to contradict myself, of course.

Yay!

I have discovered the only thing that ever truly makes me happy, consistently, is when I help others in need. Specifically, when I give someone a word of advice or encouragement and it helps them solve, or at least, feel better about a challenge they may be facing in their life at the time.

So if you’re like me (and I know you are because #Human, remember?) you can’t find the answer to life’s most difficult question because you are asking the wrong question. You should be asking, “How do I like to help others?” I suspect you may already know, and if you do, do more of whatever that thing is. Say goodbye to temporary fulfillment and say hello to full-time happiness. No one can ever take away that moment you helped someone in need. It is seared into the memory of the universe. FOREVER. And yes, I am well aware this sounds cliche, but you guys, it’s totally the answer you have been looking for. I promise!

On that note, I am so happy to be back. I’ve missed you all and I am ready to help.

Now go out and help someone!

xoxo,

JOY

Where Do I Begin

Man, oh man! It’s been quite some time since I opened up my laptop to write a blog post. If I’m not mistaken, this will be my first post since October 2013.

Can we talk about 2013 for a minute?

2013 was arguably the hardest year I’ve experienced in adulthood.

  • Unemployment: 6 months
  • Living out of a duffle bag: 9 months
  • Lost 20 pounds because I couldn’t afford to feed myself
  • Got a job only to be laid off 3-months later

But on the flip side, 2013 was a great year.

  • Growing blog and online radio show
  • YouTube vlogging spot on a celebrity network channel
  • Got the keys to our 1st place together
  • Employed by a company I’m still with today

Even in the midst of a storm, we still have the power to focus our attention on the positive and use our struggles as motivation to propel us where we need to be in life. Yes, 2013 was a rough patch, but it was also the foundation for where I’m at today.

So what’s happened since our last post?

Joy and I got married in August 2015, exactly eight years to the day when I first spoke to her freshmen year of college. We are the proud owners of two crazy dogs, Ollie and Hazel. My hairline has receded even further. And we are still driving each other bat shit crazy.

Guess you can say things haven’t changed too much.

We are excited to venture on this fun journey together! Tell your friends, colleagues, parents, grandparents, roommates, girlfriend, boyfriend, bae, and anyone else I’m missing…THE LOVE JAYS ARE BACK!

23 Lessons I Learned In My 23rd Year of Life

Hey Love Fans,

My birthday is tomorrow! As much as I love my actual birthday, every year on September 6th I reflect on the past year of my current age. Today is the last day I will ever be able to say I am 23 ever again. I want to savor that. I wanted to share with you all 23 things I have learned and observed this past year. Enjoy 🙂

Love,

Miss J

1. I’d be rich-ish if I didn’t have bills.

Tumblr
Tumblr

2. I am open to more things than I thought I am open to. Cool.

so fetch

3. Life keeps trucking along, whether you are on board or not so I should probably just stay on board.

just keep swimming

4. People are going to do whatever they want to do.

whateva whateva

5. I am capable of getting a better job.

dreams

 6. I am truly a unique individual. Growing up you always hear that there’s no one like you, the revelation that this is true has been both rewarding and at times lonely.

unique

 7.   God is awesome! He’s got my back and he ALWAYS answers my prayers. Major Shout out to God!

thank God

8.  Happiness is a choice and it’s a choice I have to make every day. There is no such thing as a naturally happy person. People who are happy, try to be happy.

happy

 9.  What’s meant to be will be when it is supposed to be and not a second sooner. What’s not meant to be won’t be, ever.

meant to be

10.  I should probably respond to text messages and missed calls within 24 hours…probably.

phone

11.  I am young and I know a lot of things, but I don’t know everything and I am totally okay with that.

shrug

 12. There’s a huge difference between being self-ish and self concerned.

self

 13.  If I count my blessings I get really excited about everything I have and focus less on what I don’t have.

Happy

14. Supporting someone doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with them. It means catching them if they fall without saying “I told you so” and being there no matter what.

trust

15.  I am not responsible for how others feel about me. Might as well just be myself.

be yourself

 16. Love goes a loooooooonnnng way.

long road

17.  My savings account should be used as an actual savings and budgets are a necessary evil.

savings

18.  I will always feel better when you take care of myself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. If any one of these things are off, I am off too.

health

 19.  It’s okay to see a therapist. Sometimes life happens and you need to talk about it with an unbiased and completely uninvolved party.

feelings

The Incredibles
The Incredibles

 20. I have an addiction to reading.

reading

21. It’s okay to change.

change

22. Justin aka Mr. J is THE BEST partner in crime.

partner

 23. Self acceptance and self love is the best gift I could ever give myself.

Love yourself