Q: Dear Love Jays,
I was in a long term relationship that ended bad. I got really hurt and since then have struggled with trust, and other such issues that clouded our relationship. I am with an amazing man now, who I have had no issues with thus far; EXCEPT the fact that I am so guarded and often times fear that I will face the same problems. How do I not let my last relationship affect the one I am currently in?
A: Dear Let the Past be the Past:
“The past will shape your future, but the past should never control your future.” – Anonymous
Letting the your past relationship have such a stronghold on your current relationship is unfair for your current boyfriend – and most importantly, you. When was the last time you truly sat down with yourself and analyzed all negatives that are still controlling you today? The best way to overcome the effects of your previous relationship is to personally acknowledge these issues (write them down if needed) and then share them with your current partner. Let him in on the struggles you are facing. Give him the opportunity to help you overcome. Relationships are beautiful for that very reason – you have support every step of the way.
The process will be difficult. It will be challenging. It will be uncomfortable. It will be hard work. But just know this – it will all be worth it in the end. You can’t move forward if you are always looking back! I believe in you!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Unwanted Blast From the Past,
In the wise words of my mother “Everyone deserves your trust until they give you a reason not to trust them anymore.” It is difficult to trust men in general just because of all the horror stories that are out there, and the degree of difficulty increases when you have a bad experience of your own.
You need to let the past be the past. Learn from that experience and move on. Maybe now you know what characteristics equal bad news, how to recognize cheating, or even how to know what comments will eventually lead to verbal abuse and then even physical abuse’ or maybe you just learned you ex is a jerk that doesn’t deserve you. Do not let his influence from the past hinder your present. You will be the only one who suffers.
Either way I refuse to believe the experience has left you dumber and weaker, it has left you stronger and wiser. Forget trusting your new man for a second, trust yourself! Trust in the fact that you know better now, and if anything were ever to go down with this new guy you would move to greener pastures. Also trust in the fact that you now know how to pick ‘em and you may just HAVE A GOOD MAN, they do exist.
Be in control of your happiness.
Love,
Miss J
© LoveJays 2012