Stop Waiting For The One

soulmates

Justin and Joy discuss the existence of soulmates and whether or not we are destined to spend the rest of our lives with one “special” person.

  • Our firework-free 4th of July.
  • The subtle influence negativity can have on our worldview.
  • Why marriage is the beginning, not the end, of life as you know it.
  • Pre-registration for “15 Must-Have Conversations Before Saying I Do” is OPEN!
  • Self-awareness comes with self-responsibility.
  • Don’t forget to grab your tickets to The Mingle LA.
  • Do soulmates exist? If so, do you only have one?
  • And much more!

Continue reading “Stop Waiting For The One”

Ridin’ Solo

Ridin'

Elevator Pitch

  • Our decline in personal social media usage.
  • Recording schedule.
  • Justin’s poor eating habits.
  • Joy’s 27th Birthday celebration.
  • Las Vegas trips.
  • The benefits and freedom of living alone.
  • Finding your “freedom” within a relationship.
  • And much more!

Spread the Word

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Episode 23 Preview

Single & Ready To Mingle

 

Dear Love Jays,

I’m 22 and I have never had a boyfriend or been asked out on a date (pretty sad, I know). I’m graduating from university this summer and I feel like I’m ready to start dating. How should I go about this?

Dear Ready To Date,

Stop beating yourself up for never having a boyfriend or being asked out on a date. I can provide a hefty list of people who have had at least one of the aforementioned, yet they are completely closed off to the idea of starting a relationship. Go figure.

I tend to find the positives in almost all situations, so embrace your current situation and be comfortable in knowing someone will have to wait at least 22 years before they get the privilege of taking you out on a date. Seems pretty damn awesome to me!

The best way to jump-start your dating life is to connect with like-minded people. Embracing our interests and hobbies is a great way to boost our happiness and fuel self-confidence. Meetup.com is a great resource that helps thousands of people organize and connect with others who have similar interests. If connecting with strangers online isn’t your cup of tea, attend local events in your area (concerts, exhibits, restaurant openings, street fairs) with some friends. The more you embrace and love yourself, the happier you become. The happier you become, the better life gets!

Cheers!

Mr. J

 

Dear I’m Ready,

We each have to embrace our individual paths when it comes to love. No two love lives are exactly the same. I know it seems like there aren’t a whole lot of 20 somethings out there who have never been in a serious relationship, but you are not as alone as you think.

The process of dating can be very difficult to say the least. My best advice is to hang out with people who are heading in the direction you want to go in. Whether it be in life, love, career ect… You’ve heard the adage birds of a feather flock together right? Chances are these friends will also have other friends who share similar interest and goals. If you run in the same circles as the type of person you are looking to date you should eventually meet someone who is pretty darn compatible.

Hope this helps!

Love,

Miss J

© LoveJays 2013

Unhappily Single

Q: Dear Love Jays,

My friend is almost 30 and has been single basically always. That would be fine except he desperately wants someone special in his life and is very unhappy being single at his age. He won’t approach girls he finds attractive, he has very high ideals of what he wants and he always finds flaws. What advice could I give him? It just seems like a lost cause…..

Q: Dear Unhappily Single,

We all have standards. We all want the best. Hell, we even think we are the best! Though it’s nice to stroke the ego from time to time, we must understand perfection isn’t humanly attainable and flaws are part of our makeup. We are perfectly imperfect.

And guess what? It’s good to be imperfect! Our imperfections separate us from everyone else in the world. There are millions of attractive, unattractive, happy, unhappy, tall, short, slim, round, black, white people in the world, but each one has their own story completely unique to themselves and someone loves, cares, and appreciates them.

Walking around trying to fit everyone in a box will not happen, so I would challenge your friend to expand his thought process, be more receptive to differences, and remove the lenses blurring his vision from seeing the happiness of life. I’d be willing to bet there have been many women who have crossed his path that could have easily been his girlfriend, but sometimes our own perceptions ruin great opportunities.

Unhappiness is a product of the self, so the only way to reverse that feeling is to examine ourselves. True change always starts from the inside out; once we are able to identify our own shortcomings and make peace internally, the world always finds a way to make all the other pieces fit.

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Dear I Want To Help My Friend,

Finding “someone special” is an especially difficult task, this task become even more difficult when our expectations exceed the reality of humanity.

The best advice to give your friend would be to tell him to really take a look at himself. You say he is unhappy being single; would it be fair to say he is just plain unhappy, being single aside? It’s ok to prefer to be in a relationship, but the word “unhappy” strikes another cord with me and may in fact be the source of your friend’s problem.

Happiness should not be determined by your relationship status and contrary to popular belief ,cannot be determined by your relationship status. A relationship is just a “quick fix” , the happiness is often fleeting. When they do something you perceive as good you are happy, but when they do something you perceive as bad you are totally unhappy. It affects your life completely. External factors cannot be responsible for your inner joy. There are just as many unhappy people in a relationship as there are unhappy single people.

The choice to be happy has to come from within (cliché I know, but very true). He is finding flaws in women because he is looking for someone that will make him completely happy, in reality no such woman exists. It’s an excuse and he is avoiding the real issue like the plague.

Relationships don’t make people happy. The happiest relationships are when two people decide to individually own their happiness and share in that happiness with the other person. So my advice to your friend is literally to “be happy”. The rest will fall into place.  

Love,

Miss J  

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© LoveJays 2012

Hangin’ up the Player Ways

Q: Dear Love Jays,

How do you change your player ways and commit to someone not physically present?

A: Dear Changing your ways,

Short answer: self-control.
Long answer: self-control.

Hanging up the player ways isn’t easy. It requires you to be honest with yourself, acknowledging your shortcomings, then committing to self-control and discipline. Temptation lurks at every corner waiting for us to slip up and it’s easy to fall victim if you are not disciplined enough to reject it.

I’ve heard people say, “When you find the right one, it’ll be easy.”, but I don’t fully agree. It will undoubtedly motivate you to get your act together, but it still requires an intrinsic motivation to change. People only change if they want to change!

If you require physical interaction (hugging, kissing, sex, etc.) from your partner and the current circumstances aren’t allowing for that interaction, I find it very, very difficult to fully commit to someone without succumbing to your old ways. It’s not impossible, but it sure in the hell ain’t easy! Why set yourself up for failure and risk hurt or losing a good person? Remain uncommitted and trust everything will work out the way it’s designed!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

A: Don’t wanna be a player no mo’, 

Tough question, easy answer. You just do. Make the decision to change and stick to it. Being a player takes a lot of coordination and effort (more for some and less for others). If you really WANT to change whether or not the person is in front of you is irrelevant. Is it  convenient? No. Will there be challenges? Absolutely. Whether or not someone is physically there should not make a difference as far as commitment goes. Commitment has nothing to do with who is involved and has everything to do with you. Good Luck!

Love,

Miss J

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOEOn3fng9U]

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© LoveJays 2012

Why I Don’t Want Your Number

A few months ago, Miss J wrote an entry addressing the different ways men approach women in hopes of getting their number. Miss J couldn’t have been more spot on with her analysis and her post even inspired two of our readers to create their own blog! It has easily been the most popular entry on our site, so in honor of Miss J’s great work, I feel like it’s time to offer a rebuttal addressing the ladies!

Men have always been accused of trying to make a pass on women every time we open our mouth. Regardless if we are at the bar with a few friends or grocery shopping, the moment we try to engage in conversation – women think we have a bag of tricks up our sleeves. Well, as Barack Obama eloquently stated dozens of times in the presidential debate last night, “It’s just not true!”

Women – I love you, but stop fooling yourselves into believing that every man who tries speaking with you has intentions on “getting yo numbah” or praying that you will join them in their bed tonight. Have you ever considered the simple fact that we just actually want to talk? Believe it or not, women aren’t the only species on earth who enjoy talking.  We love attention, especially from women, so it’s often nice to engage in a nice conversation with an intelligent woman. These conversations can range anywhere from a couple of seconds to several minutes, yet it still doesn’t insinuate we are left wanting or expecting more than a casual exchange of words.

On the flip side, there are definitely men who are looking to approach women for all the wrong reasons. But let’s face it, we aren’t as confident as we claim when approaching you. Yes, we may try to be big and bad with the guys, but often times we are nervous and don’t want to be rejected. Our fear of rejection often stymies any hopes of successfully approaching a women and typically leaves us sitting there with our friends falling into Miss J’s category 4. However, there are certainly occasions when our confidence is booming and ready to conquer the world, yet the women just don’t quite fit the mold.

What makes a woman fall into this category?  It differs for every person, but let’s take a look at a few scenarios…

1. The “I’m the flyest person in here” woman.

Yes – the whole venue is aware that you have arrived. Unfortunately, the attitude you walked in has captured more of my attention than your beauty. It’s okay to be fly, but tone it down a bit.

2. The “Are you going to buy me a drink” woman.

Ooooooh, so you thought because I said hello you were entitled to a drink? How does water on the rocks sound? Your implication of expecting a drink has already spoke volumes of the type of person you are…next! 

3. The “I’m trying too hard to dance correctly” woman.

Please stop running your fingers through your hair while making awkward faces and excuse yourself from the dance floor. If you can’t dance, no need to highlight your worst abilities – just enjoy the music and slowly feel the beat from your seat.

4. The “Too good to be out” woman.

You and I are in the same place, so please remove the look of superiority from your face. If you were going to look every person up and down with disgust, then why did you even come? You, your sparkle-covered iPhone and your Louis purse are contaminating the air.

5. The “My friend thinks you’re hot” woman. 

Hot? I’m grown. Thank you for the compliment, but I’ll pass. Also, sending your friend to do the legwork isn’t the best strategy.

6. The “Too perfect to approach” woman.

You are the perfect blend of sexiness and sophistication, yet I’m too intimidated to even speak. Your beauty is captivating, but I can’t find any ounce of courage to say hello. I have convinced myself I don’t have a chance, so I’ll stare from afar and imagine what could have been.

Ladies, help us out! Every word leaving our mouth is not a setup to something greater, so enjoy the conversation and laugh along with us.  Try it out – you may be surprised to see just how many respectable men are out there!

Sincerely,

Mr. J

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© LoveJays 2012