Q: Dear Love Jays,
At what point does being persistent in pursuing that attractive female become an annoyance?
A: Dear A Little too Persistent,
We have always been told that persistence leads to success, but when it comes to the dating world – persistence must be executed strategically and effectively. If handled inappropriately, persistence is equivalent to thirst! And believe it when I say that once a woman thinks a man has become thirsty for her, his chances went from “slightly maybe, but not really” to “I would rather skydive without a parachute then see or speak to him again”.
Fellas – it is very important to understand the signs and vibes women give off when we are in pursuit. Unfortunately, we often ignore these cues because of infatuation and raging hormones. These signs may not be very apparent at the onset, but as time passes, I’m sure several hints have been thrown in your direction that indicate whether or not the woman is interested.
Here are a few scenarios that may indicate when a women is not interested:
1.Your phone calls or text messages have not been answered. Oh, and in case you didn’t get the hint – sending more text messages only makes it worse. You have already sent “Hey baby” or “What you doing today?” three times and failed to get a response – the 4th try isn’t going to help your cause.
2. Your request is still pending on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. The fact you found her on all three platforms is already a telling sign.
3. She greets you with the awkward “Heeeeeyyyyy….” then claims she is on her way somewhere, so she can’t talk long.
4. You haven’t had a second date or worse, you never got the first one. Think of it like baseball – three strikes and you’re out.
I’m sure the ladies can add another 100+ examples to this list, but I thought I would kickstart it. Simply put, it becomes annoyance once the woman is not interested. Men, relax a bit and play the field wisely. The thirst is real and women are not looking to be the quencher!
Sincerely,
Mr. J
A: Dear Too Eager to Please,
Every woman is different, but we are all similar in the fact we do send subtle messages (and sometimes not so subtle messages) to let you know if you are doing too little or too much.
Here are a few common cues:
If she says she thinks you are better off friends, listen to her. She means it. At that point, you need not be persistent anymore, and if you are capable of being a friend do just that; if not- walk away. If she changes her mind she will then come to you.
Also, if your woman of interest has told you point blank she is not interested, you need to respect that. It does not mean she wants to be friends, it does not mean she is playing hard to get, it means SHE IS NOT INTERESTED.
If you are texting a woman and her responses are getting shorter and shorter, that means you are texting too much. It’s okay to engage in a text conversation, but you do not need to text someone you are just getting to know a million times a day. A short phone call (yes, that device you use to text actually has the ability to call people too!) and between 1-2 text will do for the “getting to know you/I’m interested” phase.
Lastly, lay off of the “feelers”. If you want to say something to a woman, say it and own it. If you really want to pursue a woman don’t do the half joking half serious “dang girl you look good today” with a stupid smirk on your face approach. It’s annoying the first time, bad the second time and sad the third time. If you are just trying to be silly with a friend, it is totally fine, but if you want a real chance with a woman you do not know – that is probably the worst way to go about it. Have confidence, mention she looks great or beautiful and leave it there. That way it is not a feeler and you don’t appear to expect anything in return. You just wanted to tell her she looks great and move on with your day. It’s always better to be persistent in that way than to pester her into giving you a chance. No extras or jokes needed.
Hope this helps!
Love,
Miss J
Have a question for the Love Jays?
[contact-form][contact-field label=’SUBMIT QUESTIONS ANONYMOUSLY HERE’ type=’textarea’/][/contact-form]
*By submitting your question to the love jays you grant them the right to publish your question and the answer in all media.
© LoveJays 2012